seekz Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Hi, I'm 16 and just signed up here. Ok. Lately I've been miserable and ****ty for the past week. I've only told a few people about whats going on, but now I'm making it public because I seriously have no idea what to do...... My girlfriends names Beth. I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her, which was around November. On the 1st of Jan I built up the balls and asked her out, and we've been going 'strong' since then. Now, before I started going out with her, her last boyfriend was named Jordan. They too started going out in early January and from what I can tell, they lasted to mid April. The thing is, they live about 5 hours away from eachother, and the only reason they broke up was because they found it hard to have a relationship living so far away. Now, they are still best friends to this day. Or are they more than that? I think it was Thursday, he came up to his cousins who lives in the town next to ours. My GF was excited about it since she hasn't seen him since May last year, which is understandable. She went over there for the day, I was cool with that. Then the next day, his cousin that he is staying with, she is playing basketball at some place I never found out where, so Beth went up and spent another day with him. This is where I start getting miserable.. I think Beth picked up on this, and invited me around her house the next day. When I got there, it was as if she wasnt as happy as when I usually come around.. **** I didnt even get the usual hug and kiss greeting... But I soldiered on. I forgot to mention before she invited me over, I was so miserable, I had to say something to her about how I felt about her seeing Jordan. Because I couldn't go see her (and because I didnt have the balls to do it in person) I said it through MSN. I think it went something along the lines of "Beth.. i've been scared all day... and the past couple days.. because I keep thinking you still love jordan and you will fall back IN love with him.." and she replied something like "omg dallas no way, i dont like him in that way anymore, and i know he doesnt like me in that way either. you have nothing to worry about, because Im in love with you, and i always will and nothing will change that, i love you" This actually made me feel re-assured. The night at Beth's turned out to be alright, and definately made me feel alot better about what was going on, but then she asks me to come to the city the next day, with a big group of friends, INCLUDING Jordan. Now I definitely did not want to go, but I felt I had to because this was an opportunity for me to see how they act around each other.. + any reason to spend a day with Beth is good enough for me. We went to the city, and on the train, they just LOOKED at each other and started laughing. I mean WTF is that? All day throughout the city, they kept talking and talking and hardly any attention was payed to me by Beth (I know, I sound like a kid). She was poking him, pinching him, playing with his feet with her feet on the train, and it ****ING killed me. Just before the day was over, someone asked when Jordan was leaving, and he go's "oh dads comin to pick me up tomorrow" and beth was all disappointed and said "aww I might not be able to see you off.." because she had work. Naturally, I'm over the moon because he's finally leaving and now I can start trying to fill in the massive gap that he has put between me and Beth. THEN He turns out to be staying another day. Yay. Now I found out that he was staying an extra night BEFORE Beth did, so I did myself a little test. I asked Beth if she isn't doing anything tomorrow, to come over my house, and she was like ok:). So the next day came, never received any kind of contact from her, apart from a text at 9 o'clock saying I love you. Asked her what she did today, even know I already knew, and yep she spent the day with Jordan again. She asked me what I did, and since I know she doesnt care I just said yeah nothing. So thats the story of Beth and Jordans magical week together. Now onto my problems; I don't know if Beth loves me, or even cares for me. Now I'll be honest, I'm an extremely jealous bastard. I was comparing my relationship with Beth to Jordan's with Beth (By looking at Myspace comments, photo comments ect). Beth ALWAYS asked how Jordan's day was, and what he did, and she wanted to know every detail. If he said he played guitar, she'd want to know what song. The other day, I made a bootleg. I said to Beth, "hey i mashed up another song today, turned out alright" and she replied "sweet". She didn't even want to know about it. When I tell her what I did today, she is just like "Oh haha nice." and that's it. When she's on MSN, we say 3 lines to eachother, then we pretty much got nothing else to say. Usually we break the silence with the odd 'I love you' or 'I miss you'. I remember when we first started going out, I cherished every 'I love you' she said to me, hell I even locked the messages and didnt delete them for days if they said I love you. Now, I feel she just throws it in to fill space or make conversation. Going back to MySpace, she still leaves him comments and picture comments. In January, she called one of his photos cute, and ended the comment with Ly xoxo. She still ends comments in Ly. In Beths personal message space on MSN, she has this; JiwAly . If you don't get it, it stands for Jordan I will ALWAYS love you. He has BiWaly =] in his name. I don't think she understands how a guy feels when you are so open about how much you love another guy? Now Jordan. He left her this comment today on Myspace, I've put they key points in bold: "heyyyy haha im back home and im like alive as haha. ha ur out so imm txt u, ha ur like 2 tamara he reks ur nice, haha but shes nice as, i txt u but theres like no batt on my phone. ha last nite dad was tired as, he was like saying random ****. ill ttyl, i love you best =]" 1. I didn't even know she was going out? Does she tell him more stuff than she tells me? Oh wait, does she even tell me anything? 2. "I love you best". Is it just me, or is he trying to make a point that he loves her more than I do? Just as a fact, I dont think she has read this yet, so I'm waiting to see how she re-acts to this. I'm sure it will be something I'll lose sleep over =] Now. In his myspace general interest part, he has a list of all his friends. Beth is on top, and got this write up, and once again I've made all the key points bold; "Beth. your great as, ha u get what i say, and we bassicly dont stop talking, your my best, hows ya foot? love you best, =] IwAly" 1. Going back to what I said before how we say 4 lines to eachother on MSN, does this mean she finds Jordan more interesting? 2. Again with the love you best thing. He wants her. 3. IwAly. I will ALWAYS love you. Far out, this ****s me. From what you have read guys (if you actually read it all), its looking pretty bad for me aye. Now I'm not going to make it biased towards Jordans side, I'll include some evidence that may or may not prove she actually loves me. Heres a few of her text messages that I've locked because they actually mean something to me: "Sorry babe i know ur prob asleep but i cant stop thinking about you and i just have to tell you this. I ove you so much, like the amount of love i have for you is more than i can explain. you mean the world to me dallas. I never wana lose you, you are absolutely everything to me and i will always love you no matter what. I love you dallas *mylastname* (= 3:10am 24/3/08 " "Naww I love you dallas, theres like not enough words to describe how much i love you, but im sure if i keep telling you you'll know. Im so glad we did meet because i cant see myself being half as happy with anyone else as i am with you. You make me s happy, i look forward to seeing your face every day, and when im not with you im constantly thinking about you. I wasnt really sure about love, but when we started going out that changed and.." "I truely belive that I am in love with you, and that I will forever. Dallas you mean the world to me, if i ever lost you i dunno what id do. I love you dallas, with all my heart 12:32am 28/3/08" Its difficult for me. Sometimes, I feel she does love me, other times, I feel she is more interested in Jordan and is only still keeping me guessing because she doesn't know what she wants herself.. Any kind of advice would be absolutely ****ing fantastic. I love this girl, and I'm willing to do anything to make this work out... but at the same time, I don't wanna be in a relationship where the other person doesn't love me as much as I love them.. Looking forward to hearing what you guys have to say.. Thanks.
sigma Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) Holy crap...I have to re-read those "txts" like 20 friggen times to understand what the hell it is you're trying to say. I don't waste my time with that myspace/facebook crap, but I guess to each their own right. You have this idea that if you don't use this stuff, you don't have an identity. Anyway...enough about that. Anyway, you're not going to like what I have to say, but Im going to say it anyway. You need to hear it. The difference between you and Jordan is that Jordan doesn't give a ****. Why would this chick try to get your attention when you're acting kind of needy? Chicks want a guy who acts like a man, it sounds like your acting like a little bit like a chick there my friend. Btw, jealously is a turn off for most women, you might want to handle that a bit better. My suggestions? Distance yourself from this girl. See what happens. If she cares about you, and you start ignoring her, NOT BEING AVAILABLE FOR HER, etc etc, see what happens. You're not a challenge, where is it sounds like she can't have this Jordan guy. People usually are more attracted to things they think they can't have. So play distance, act like you dont NEED her, see how she reacts. Also don't be an idiot and put yourself through unnecessary grief. You went to all the trouble to compare myspace comments? That's a lot of trouble for nothing, in the you were just down about it. Way to many people on here (not just you) cause themselves so much more pain by screwing around on facebook/myspace (OMG she put her status to single, my like is over kind of stuff). Anyway, heed that advice. Be a challenge, make her persue YOU. If she doesn't, well she doens't care as much as you think she might. It happens man, it's not the end of the world. Don't think of it as a negative, think of it as a way to start finding someone who WILL care about you the way you want them to. You're only 16, despite what you think, this relationship (if it ends) is not the end of the world for you. You will have other women, dont' get to caught up on this one, that's part of what's killing you at the moment. Edited April 3, 2008 by sigma
Author seekz Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Thanks very much for your help, it was a good read. From what you can tell though, do you think she still has feelings for Jordan?
sigma Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Yes she still has feelings for Jordan. Believe me if she didn't, you would know. Your "gut" instinct is usually right. If she doesn't have any feelings for him, she sure has an awfully screwed up way of showing it. I would worry less about what he's doing, and worry more about what you can do to swing things in your direction. I think she's attracted to both of you. You aren't going to win her over by smothering her and being needy. As I said, try distancing yourself from her. She is likely doing this because she subconsciously knows she can. It sounds like you will be around no matter what. Ignore her, portray that you don't need her, if she has feelings for you (and isn't just using you) she'll start wondering what's going on, why you're all of a sudden not so available. Don't contact her right now, let her come to you.
Prosecco Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I'm going to come across as patronising. Oh well... You're pretty young. Rather that worry about some girl who clearly isn't that into you... why don't you go an explore seeing other people. While people your age are often immature, at least they don't normally come with the emotional baggage older single people often do. So... why bother fighting for someone already laden, so to speak? I'd simply not bother with her - if it makes her come back, good. If she decides to carry things on with J - well - you're already going to be discovering there are girls out there with a lot fewer problems / history etc. etc. And from personal experience - yes, if you love someone you want to stay with them. REALLY want to keep them. Oh yes - I'm there. BUT - if they don't love you... even if you keep them temporarily, you're going to get hurt. Ultimately - one or the other of you is going to end this. At the moment - you're in a position to say when. It's a lot harder... but at least you wont be left feeling helpless, as many of us here are.
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