HGP Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) So I met a girl online and we got to know each other for a few weeks - we had lots in common and lots to talk about. We finally met up for dinner at a fairly low key place on the weekend. She was way cuter in person (a pleasant surprise) and it was instant easy conversation. Two hours went by in no time. As I walked her out she gave me a big hug (didn't really give me much of a chance for a kiss) and said she'd send me her number on facebook....and I haven't heard from her since! I sent her a quick email the other day and still nothing. Sure it's been less than a week and she's busy selling her house...but if you're interested in someone it's not hard to send a quick email. So at this pioint I'm assuming she's not interested... and I'm pretty terrible at reading signals! So what do you women do when you go out with a guy who you get along with great but for whatever reason you're not attracted? Do you leave the date and never talk to him again, even if he tries to get in touch? Do you give him the "let's be freinds" speech? Make excuses and hope he takes the hint? or do you actually go a week or more before calling a guy even if you like him? Personally I'm always honest with a girl if I don't see a future, in fact I'm now friends with someone I had a conversation like that with recently. I've never done the disappearing act - that's just cold. Should I try emailing this girl one more time? Edited April 3, 2008 by HGP
Advocate's Devilette Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 No, you have to let it go. She doesn't want to go out again, just leave it. We've all been there, don't worry, you'll get over it.
MayDay Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Nah, she's not interested and doesn't have the guts to say so. You have been rejected. Let it go
Green Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 most people will do exactly what this girl is doing. Its up to you to just try with another girl, women are actualy very attracted to indiference
Author HGP Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 ^It's quite the paradox isn't it? If you show too much interest they're not attracted anymore. I could have sworn she was into me. I guess I'm usually fortunate enough to date girls who have the guts to tell you when they're not interested. Ah well, on to the next prospect!
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I say move on. I can tell you this: when a woman is interested, and I mean really interested, she makes herself available to the extent that she is able regardless of how busy she is. If she isn't interested, busy becomes an excuse.
DanielMadr Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 So I met a girl online and we got to know each other for a few weeks - we had lots in common and lots to talk about. We finally met up for dinner at a fairly low key place on the weekend. She was way cuter in person (a pleasant surprise) and it was instant easy conversation. Two hours went by in no time. As I walked her out she gave me a big hug (didn't really give me much of a chance for a kiss) and said she'd send me her number on facebook....and I haven't heard from her since! I sent her a quick email the other day and still nothing. Sure it's been less than a week and she's busy selling her house...but if you're interested in someone it's not hard to send a quick email. So at this pioint I'm assuming she's not interested... and I'm pretty terrible at reading signals! So what do you women do when you go out with a guy who you get along with great but for whatever reason you're not attracted? Do you leave the date and never talk to him again, even if he tries to get in touch? Do you give him the "let's be freinds" speech? Make excuses and hope he takes the hint? or do you actually go a week or more before calling a guy even if you like him? Personally I'm always honest with a girl if I don't see a future, in fact I'm now friends with someone I had a conversation like that with recently. I've never done the disappearing act - that's just cold. Should I try emailing this girl one more time? Next time give yourself a chance for a kiss. Its really that simple.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I say move on. I can tell you this: when a woman is interested, and I mean really interested, she makes herself available to the extent that she is able regardless of how busy she is. If she isn't interested, busy becomes an excuse. Yep. IF I was interested I would respond no matter how busy I am. And be dropping hints like crazy for a 2nd date. Chock this one up to experience and move on.
lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Well I am in the process of going through the whole house buying/selling thing and let me tell you it does take up a lot of my time... however, she really should not just "reject you" by blowing you off & ignoring you. I am always honest and if I don't feel a romantic connection w/ someone I will just tell them straight out. It's never a good idea to blow someone off and make them wonder. For me, I would rather know the truth even if it isn't what I wanted to hear then to not hear anything and have to wonder. I would say e-mail her one more time...don't go crazy, don't overdo it...just one short simple e-mail...possibly she is very busy...or adversely maybe she isn't interested...but you wont know unless you try. You have a right to know how she feels...
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 She's not interested. Move on and save your dignity.
D-Jam Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 She's not interested. Move on and save your dignity. Agreed. It's happened to everyone out there.
Art_Critic Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 As I walked her out she gave me a big hug (didn't really give me much of a chance for a kiss) and said she'd send me her number on facebook....and I haven't heard from her since! I sent her a quick email the other day and still nothing. She isn't interested.. she gave you a hug and you didn't kiss her, She didn't follow up on the facebook contact, She didn't reply to your contact.. Unless she is out of town or dead I don't think she wants another date... Sorry
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Don't email her again. If she really IS busy and hasn't gotten your messages yet, then she'll reply back. Though, she hasn't contacted you since the date and that isn't a good sign. Sorry this hasn't worked for you, but don't give up or let this experience ruin your self confidence.
fishtaco Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Yeah, what everyone said. Until you've progressed in the relationship with her to a point where you actually matter to each other, there's no need for a closure. People just disappear. One date definitely does not require something like that. But the good news is, you're allowed to do that too. Next time, you could be the one to disappear. It's just confusing for you this time because you're on the receiving end. But when you're on the giving end, it's pretty convenient, then you'll like - hey, this is a good rule.
Author HGP Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Well I am in the process of going through the whole house buying/selling thing and let me tell you it does take up a lot of my time... however, she really should not just "reject you" by blowing you off & ignoring you. I am always honest and if I don't feel a romantic connection w/ someone I will just tell them straight out. It's never a good idea to blow someone off and make them wonder. For me, I would rather know the truth even if it isn't what I wanted to hear then to not hear anything and have to wonder. I would say e-mail her one more time...don't go crazy, don't overdo it...just one short simple e-mail...possibly she is very busy...or adversely maybe she isn't interested...but you wont know unless you try. You have a right to know how she feels... Oh I'm sure selling takes most of your time but if you met a guy who you liked wouldn't you be able to find enough time to send an email? Hell, I have a friend who's selling his house right now...and his wife's pregnant...and he's still coming over to help me work on my place. Then again I am helping him move so... The only email I might be sending her is to say it was nice getting to know her and wishing her luck. In a totally good natured way of course. Yeah, what everyone said. Until you've progressed in the relationship with her to a point where you actually matter to each other, there's no need for a closure. People just disappear. One date definitely does not require something like that. But the good news is, you're allowed to do that too. Next time, you could be the one to disappear. It's just confusing for you this time because you're on the receiving end. But when you're on the giving end, it's pretty convenient, then you'll like - hey, this is a good rule. Well that's one thing if you meet up with someone you barely know, but when you get to know someone for a couple months before you actually meet the expectations are a bit higher and the dynamic is different. A bad first date is no biggie but with this one I was totally caught off guard, which is why I started the thread. To me it seemed like we clicked better than most dates I go on. Granted, I'm dating now for the first time in a year so maybe I'm a bit rusty. I've got another date on the weekend.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 A bad first date is no biggie but with this one I was totally caught off guard, which is why I started the thread. To me it seemed like we clicked better than most dates I go on. Granted, I'm dating now for the first time in a year so maybe I'm a bit rusty. I've got another date on the weekend. Sounds like you're over it. We're all caught off guard sometimes, especially on first dates. That's why you shouldn't carry so much expectation the first time around.
AriaIncognito Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Another tell tale sign that she wasn't that into the idea, when you asked for her number, she didn't give it to you then and there. She said she'd send it via facebook. Takes 2 seconds to write a number down, or for her to call your cell from hers so you have her number. Good luck on your date this weekend, and forget about this girl.
Author HGP Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Another tell tale sign that she wasn't that into the idea, when you asked for her number, she didn't give it to you then and there. She said she'd send it via facebook. Takes 2 seconds to write a number down, or for her to call your cell from hers so you have her number. Good luck on your date this weekend, and forget about this girl. I didn't ask for her number, she just said she'd send it to me.
dorky328 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 mine is even more interesting .. great first date .. probably 3/4 hours on a worknight... walk her to car, she cozy'z up .. i go in for a kiss, nice medium pda make out, bit of tongue, sweet goodbyes with talk of meeting again soon. next day .. couple of short but flirty email exchanges .. she says she is out of town for weekend and will be back sunday .. on monday i see her online, send her a msg "how was trip?" .. nada .. then send a short msg 2 days later. nothing. clueless MIA i'm guessin she hooked up with an ex-bf when she was out of town!?
fishtaco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Happens all the time. At such beginning phase, I never bother to contact them a second time. I don't care if their phone died, accidentally deleted my message, voice mail barfed or whatever. If they're really interested, they'll find a way to contact me. Once I made the effort to contact, ball is in their court. As far as I'm concerned, if they're too slow they'll miss the window of opportunity to date me, because I always have other things going on. The only time that I would try a second time would be if we have mutual friends and I'm expecting to run into her again sometime in the future. I'd try a second time just to make sure I'm not the one that "didn't call". But never a third attempt. You've just entered stalker land if you do that. First date, second date, third date, sex, doesn't matter. If she's going to disappear, she will. Because she hasn't promised you anything, it's "legal" for her to do so. Likewise, it's also legal for you too.
Djs3634 Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 I'm in the same boat dude.. What's even more frustrating is that I made out with both of them on our dates.. wtf!
carhill Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 I thought making out was a plus Think of it as a fun night. Lots of those in your future
Djs3634 Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 I thought making out was a plus Think of it as a fun night. Lots of those in your future Right but my point was is that after these great dates the girls didn't return my phone calls..
Marin Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Well, most women would be lying if they would state that they had never been on a first date and thought it went really well with lots of chemistry and then never heard from the guy again. It sucks. Thank you for making me feel better, however, that guys go through the "disappearing act," too.
carhill Posted April 6, 2008 Posted April 6, 2008 Right but my point was is that after these great dates the girls didn't return my phone calls.. What I'm hearing is that you may desire monogamy. Or, does her calling (or returning your contacts) make you feel more in control? I think it's good to understand those motivations to prevent heartache down the road. I walked in your shoes a couple generations ago. I hear your frustration. It is truly equal opportunity (men and women both)
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