funkify Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Hello, Like many of you, I approached my boyfriend nearly one year ago now with a hope of reuniting but was shut down. Since then I've had relationships etc but can't help comparing them to my ex. I feel like the situation is mostly out of my hands yet at the same time I wish to make the right move to make him remember the love we had (5yr rship). The only contact I've had since then is an email he replied to which mentioned he was happy to hear from me and no bad feelings etc. Then he went cold for unknown reason and no more contact. Why could this be? So I'd like to hear from the 'other side', the person who shut the other down but then felt love again. What was it that made you go back? - Was it bc she/he initiated contact with you? - You just woke up one day and missed them? - Did you see them and feelings came back? We have a mutual friend I was thinking of asking to mention the possibility of an outing altogether. Is that a bad idea? Or I know his sister is pregnant, was thinking of calling her up to say congratulations so she'll mention it to him and he'll remember my thoughtful personality. Or does this all seem a bit desperate?
Chinook Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Or does this all seem a bit desperate? Um, yea it does kinda. Sorry. Okay my situ was I split with my life partner 4 years ago after I had a very serious and life-threatening illness. Neither of us dealt with it well. We grew apart and he left the country to work and I was left alone to have treatment by myself. I was angry with him. A year after I asked him to leave (when I was well enough to cope alone). I stayed angry for a long time. About a year after I asked him to leave. I began to thaw. It wasn't anything he did or said, my anger dissipated and I began to revalue what we had and not what happened. The thing is, I had never stopped loving him. I was angry yes, lack of love, no. This is the HUGE difference which matters in most reconciliations. If the dumper has left because they stopped feeling the way they did about that person, there is usually little or no chance there will be any second chance. If it's more a case of other contributing factors and the dumper can't see the wood for the trees, it may result in them working things out and coming back... but it won't be anything you do which helps that. It comes from within. The sad thing in my case, my ex had already moved on by the time I was ready to try again. I stayed angry for a long time and now I'm paying the price for that. But even with that being the case, there are still some things I will never be able to forgive him for. I'm slowly realising that he's never coming back. He can't take back what he did and I can't take back my anger. Things are where they are and I don't believe we'll ever reconcile now.
Lovable Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I shut my ex down, but then came back around a few months later, I always had those feelings but was scared to go back in case things went bad etc. He shut me down once too, and came back around a few months later. I guess if you've always had that connection, it is a strong possibility it just takes time and space to realize. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic. So I just remain strong and hope.
nab0610 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 in regards to you funkify...the guy will take notice that you said something to his sister, however at the same time it seems like your constantly checking on him and seeing what he's doing and you seem kind of stalker esk i definetly wouldn't go for that angle...e-mail is the best way because its low commitment, just send him an e-mail and ask him how he's doing and what he's been up to? if he doesn't reply try again one or 2 more times just wait about a month each time...be prepared to be rejected though...if things go well ask him if he'd like to meet up for coffee or something very low key, just be patient if he wants anything to do with you he'll talk to you one more thing chinook...chill with the completely negative attitude its not always needed people sometimes need hope in their lives, things might not work out but don't just go out and tell the person they have next to zero chance...while there chances might be low there still is a chance...lifes about taking chances and not having any regrets...live life to its fullest well you mind if i ask a question lovable...me and my girl have had some problems i'm going to go a lil more indepth then my last post on the breakup part we dated for over a year in december we talked about promise rings some because thats just where we were in our relationship...i decided to buy one in january and i had told her about it and we were going to make our promises over spring break...well i left the ring i'd found in my draw at home when i came back to college because i didn't want to lose it or anything... well there was going to be a nanny staying in my room for a few days while my parents were going to take of my lil sister and my mom found the ring and told my dad...my dad overreacted and got mad at me for not telling him and what not and i was very hurt and confused over this about 2 weeks later i still hadn't told my girlfriend we got in a big argument and i knew i was confused and somewhat screwed because of the timetable that we'd setup and i ended things this was about february 20th or so...biggest mistake of my life and i completely overreacted...i contacted 2 days later and told her i wanted to meet up with her and talk things out...i basically just told her that i was not thinking straight and i'd made the biggest mistake of my life and she said ok we talked it out and got back together we decided to hold off on the promise rings btw...and about a week ago she up and ended things...she completely lost herself when she did so and even kissed me in the middle of it...we've been best friends for almost 2 years now and we've always had a connection like before we'd met we used the same password for things and we thought the same ways...etc we hit things off really well together...when she ended things she said she still loved me, she still cared about me, but she didn't quite feel the same anymore...i went out that weekend and drank with my friends and had a good time i also talked to this girl and she left a message on my facebook... i talked to her a day ago after she'd been texting me and talking to me and it seemed like she might want to work things out...back to the facebook comment she said that it totally made her jealous, but then she said she didn't feel like now was the right time especially with summer break coming and us having to spend 3 months apart...i was very hurt by this and i tried my best not to let it show and i told her i thought it was best if we didn't talk to each other for a while sorry if i'm interupting your post funkify
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