trueloveexists Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Honestly, I don't even know where to begin. I'm a 20 year old female who is in the midst of a horrible, devastating, heart-wrenching break-up (together for almost 2 years). Part of me isn't even sure if I can or should even call it that since I haven't completely lost him yet. And i'm still head over heels, overwhelmingly, and completely in love with him. Let me start off by saying that I am an insecure, jealous person. I haven't always been this way, but I was insecure in our relationship and I know that is what caused us to fall apart. I don't believe there's a good enough reason for feeling/being that way, but if it's any sort of explanation, my previous boyfriend cheated on me (found out only after we had broken up), checked out other girls right in front of my FACE (caught him time saying "DAYUM!" to himself when looking at another woman's butt), and discovered messages he sent to half-naked women on myspace flirting with them (Example: "Hey sexy, I like what i'm seeing.") While with this person, and when I was with the other boyfriend's before him, I had never showed signs of jealousy or insecurity. Now that i've given some background information on my past relationship and how I was treated, i'll explain what my relationship was like with the the boy that I (hopefully) still have a chance with. He has never given me any reasons or signs to doubt or mistrust him. Infact, he was extremely reassuring when I was starting to feel insecure in our relationship. But he became resentful and fed up with it after time went by (I've been like this for over a year). Let's say, one year ago, he decided to go out with a bunch of old friends i've never met (girls included), and I felt uneasy. He would say to me, "Baby, you have nothing to worry about. You're the only one for me. I don't want anyone in this world but you." Fast-forward a few months later and this is what he would say to me now: "Wow, you're ridiculous..." I'm so insecure because i'm afraid of getting hurt again and if HE was to hurt me, it would be TEN times worse than it was the previous time. I also feel i'm this way because I love him so much it hurts..i've never felt this way before and it's almost scary. He has my heart in his hands and if he were to break it, I wouldn't know what the hell i'd do. So, i'm like this because i'm deeply in love with him, but i've been pushing him away from me all this time. Now, he's not sure he can put up with me anymore, despite the fact that I said i'd do whatever it takes. When I tell him I can change, deep down, I don't think he believes me. What am I jealous/insecure about? 1) Other girls. I'm insecure about him hanging out with girls (even in a group with guys present) that I don't know and have never heard of. I never get invited anywhere with he and his friends because he doesn't think i'll like them. The 2 girls he was going to hang with recently, I had no idea who they were and had never heard of them. 2) Nudity in movies. I'm insecure about him seeing another woman's body. I feel that if he really did love me the way he claims he does, he would avoid it, not just for me, or for him, but for US too. I have been reading forums on this website addressing this issue, and it's helped greatly, but this problem isn't going to completely go away after one time of reading a helpful source. 3) I'm jealous that he has more friends than I do and goes out more than I do. This is changing though, since I have been going out recently and have been making more friends at work, so #'s 1 & 2 are most concerning. Now that i've gotten all of that out- Here come the questions. 1) What can I do to show him i'm serious about moving past my childish behavior and that i'm ready for a healthy, mature relationship with him? We've gone over this time and time again, and I know he's past the point of becoming weary. I gave him a CD of songs about asking for forgiveness/another chance/love in general, but I feel there's something more heartfelt that can be done. I don't want him to think i'm not going to change and am just doing anything I can think of to get him back, but really going out my way to show him how serious I am. 2) Would the best thing to do is to just completely give him time alone? He has asked for space and time to think, so i'm trying my very hardest not to contact him in any way now. A few text messages every now and then (earlier today), but avoiding everything else. It's so hard. When dropping off the CD at his house last night, I left it on his door step and fought every urge in me to call him and tell him i'm outside and wanted to see him. There are no words to explain how depressed, heart-broken, messed up and crushed I am. My nights are spent crying and wailing into my pillow until I fall asleep. My days are spent having break-downs at home, at work, while driving..it just doesn't matter where I am. I've been going out with friends more recently in attempt to distract myself, but I just end up crying my eyes out as soon as we part. I talked to a psychologist today and it didn't help in the least. I've lost 5 pounds in a span of 3 days because i've completely lost my appetite. I've gone as far as reading articles about 'dying of a broken heart' because I feel sure it's going to happen to me. If you read all of that, I truly appreciate it. Thank you so much for your time.
smainla Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 No contact! Don't text him, don't call him, no email, don't ask his friends how he is doing. It is going to be the hardest thing of your life to do. The only thing I can say is, when it is absolutely killing you, when you can't bear it-- think of it as if you're working out. But you're working on trying to prove to him and yourself, that you aren't that childish, jealous person. But... every time you call or text him, you are going right back to square one. You lose! No Contact is the single best weapon/tool/whatever you want to call it. It's hard-- like playing dead if a bear starts pawing you. Every ounce of you wants to call. But it's the wrong thing to do. Get a friend to be "your sponsor". Call or text them instead when it gets too hard.
nab0610 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 go no contact he needs space and time he felt like you were pushing him into a corner and giving him no other choices just relax breath a little bit and get some of your girlfriends to take you out and have a good time...the best thing to do is to not be alone do anything at all to take your mind off of him...i'm going through the same thing with my girlfriend right now and i'm absolutely devestated...just you have to realize that when you text him your hurting both of you more and more and more...eventually he's going to stop responding and stop caring and move on and just ignore your texts things might not work out but the best thing for you to do is move on with your life right now in like a month or so if he hasn't contacted you send him a message on facebook/myspace or e-mail him or just a short little text seeing how he's doing
stoneymirror Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Trueloveexits - what's the deal who broke up with who in your relationship? Was it mutual? It's hard to give any advice cause I'm not sure how your relationship ended.
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