danPsycozee Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Ok so I don't know about you guys, but lately me and my girlfriend have been having some issues and we're on a ldr, over 3 months now. There are times when I just want to get inside her head and check out what's going on? Why is she acting this way? Why? I want my girlfriend to feel 110% comfortable (or at least the most possible) when it comes to distance. So now, I ask all the ladies reading this, what are your biggest concerns when it comes to long distance relationships? I know cheating is definitely the first thing that is going to pop in your heads, but try seeing it this way: If you would have ABSOLUTE control over your boyfriends in order for you girls to be happy and feel loved over distance, what would you change about your boys. Some guys, such as myself, are really concerned about our girls' wellbeing and would do ANYTHING to make them feel at ease and above all LOVED. Girls, if you will...?
justine4 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Ok so I don't know about you guys, but lately me and my girlfriend have been having some issues and we're on a ldr, over 3 months now. There are times when I just want to get inside her head and check out what's going on? Why is she acting this way? Why? I want my girlfriend to feel 110% comfortable (or at least the most possible) when it comes to distance. So now, I ask all the ladies reading this, what are your biggest concerns when it comes to long distance relationships? I know cheating is definitely the first thing that is going to pop in your heads, but try seeing it this way: If you would have ABSOLUTE control over your boyfriends in order for you girls to be happy and feel loved over distance, what would you change about your boys. Some guys, such as myself, are really concerned about our girls' wellbeing and would do ANYTHING to make them feel at ease and above all LOVED. Girls, if you will...? Get rid of the distance!!! Its a hard one. I'm in a LDR myself and my bf seems to do a whole pile of 'thinking' when we're apart and questions things i've done or said at the weekend (not to me, but he drives himself crazy sometimes going over these things to himself). Hes driven 100 miles to see me, out of the blue a few times, had flowers and chocolates delivered, and also arranged lovely weekends away as a suprise. All nice romantic gestures always go down well! Other than that, as long as the trust is there, you've nothing to worry about. Sometimes its just nice to have the someone to cuddle into at the end of the day (which obviously isn't the case in relationships like ours). Its lovely you are so considerate of your relationship. A big pat of the back for you!
Phateless Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 It's quite possible that you're doing everything right and it's all her bad. There comes a point when you have to realize you can't control every situation. If something goes wrong, it might not be your fault. That can be hard to accept because it means you are also powerless to fix it. What specifically is going on that spurred you to post?
Eilonwy Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I wish he would express his affection more often. He's a very silent type, and he does not like to speak about such things and also does not find it necessary to tell me about his affection, since, so he thinks, it should be obvious. And if we are together, that is actually true. I can tell by his looks and his gestures and his smiles and gentle touch and all those small things. But when we are apart, that is missing, and I sometimes find it hard not to worry about his feelings. Could be my fault entirely, but if I could change something, it would be that.
bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I wish he would express his affection more often. He's a very silent type, and he does not like to speak about such things and also does not find it necessary to tell me about his affection, since, so he thinks, it should be obvious. And if we are together, that is actually true. I can tell by his looks and his gestures and his smiles and gentle touch and all those small things. But when we are apart, that is missing, and I sometimes find it hard not to worry about his feelings. Could be my fault entirely, but if I could change something, it would be that. I couldn't have said better myself!! You just explained exactly how I feel!! Being around someone just makes you feel better. If you can't see him... sometimes it's very difficult to know whether or not what you are feeling is right. Mixed signals come off and I'm not sure if it's him or me. When I'm with him I know what he's feeling... even if he's not speaking a word. The small gestures ARE what really count. Him just walking by with a kiss on my cheek or a wink can send chills all over me. The missing him is definitely what is the hardest!! Especially at night!
LN99 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Yeah, I would have to agree with the others. The distance sucks! But for right now, it works out good for me. I work part time and go to school full time. I take a weekend a month off to spend time with my bf. When we are together, it is GREAT! He is very affectionate......and we are very open with each other. Our time apart sucks because our schedules are so opposite. Sometimes we don't talk for a whole week. But recently when he did call me, he expressed his deeper feelings for me since he introduced me to his family during my last visit. The good thing is that I graduate in a few months. Then, there are a whole bunch of possibilities. We talked about moving to be with each other....etc. I think my only doubts about that is that things will change when we are together all of the time. Right now, that distance makes us SO appreciative to see each other when we get to. We are literally glued together, have tons of sex, and just enjoy relaxing and cuddling with each other. I just wonder what effects the daily grind would have on us.....and would it change things for the worse?
bamagrl75 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Yeah, I would have to agree with the others. The distance sucks! But for right now, it works out good for me. I work part time and go to school full time. I take a weekend a month off to spend time with my bf. When we are together, it is GREAT! He is very affectionate......and we are very open with each other. Our time apart sucks because our schedules are so opposite. Sometimes we don't talk for a whole week. But recently when he did call me, he expressed his deeper feelings for me since he introduced me to his family during my last visit. The good thing is that I graduate in a few months. Then, there are a whole bunch of possibilities. We talked about moving to be with each other....etc. I think my only doubts about that is that things will change when we are together all of the time. Right now, that distance makes us SO appreciative to see each other when we get to. We are literally glued together, have tons of sex, and just enjoy relaxing and cuddling with each other. I just wonder what effects the daily grind would have on us.....and would it change things for the worse? Sweetie... it sounds like you have a good one!! Don't let worry ruin that for you. If there are no problems... believe me... don't create one. I don't know how long you have been together or even how far apart you are... but even you said it yourself... you two appreciate eachother... that speaks VOLUMES!!
fran82 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 i know its early days yet for you, but having an idea that you both want the same thing from the r/ship is a start, whatever that might be. you dont want to get 2 years down the line and realize neither of you are willing to make the sacrifice of moving. start by talking. i know my bf wants the same things as i do, but we have serious issues as to when, this could've all been avoided if we had of talked more at the start, and realized that maybe it was an unsuitable match, before falling in love and now its all complicate and icky! i guess as a girl i want someone who's upfront and honest, and wont lead me down the garden path for their own benifit. someone who will want me dispite the distant and including it! i think you must be a very sweet guy for trying to get your head around all these girlie thoughts, i'd say the female mind can be certainly a scary thing to a guy. we're not as bad as you think! lol! more just scared of getting hurt than anything else. good luck
gonetildecember Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 If it had to stay LDR and I couldn't say get rid of the distance, these would be my suggestions to make it a great LDR: 1. Him taking more initiative to spice up/make less depressing the times apart. 2. More communication on his part (I know guys generally aren't phone fans, but I love when he randomly texts to say I miss you) 3. Affection- You know they love/care about you but its really good to hear! 4. Not taking it personally when you have a bad day, sometimes you just want to hug and be with them and you can't and it makes you cranky, I wish he didnt get so upset when that happened.
dancinggal Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 1. More sexual interaction. I've tried but I don't get a response and it makes me feel so unattractive. I have zero sexual desire and don't know what will happen sexually when we finally get back together. 2. More expression of feelings. It feels very platonic in general right now. Those are the two major things. If we had those down part, I'd feel a lot better about everything. I'm not worried about him cheating, but I get really frustrated when we don't have much 'relationship' stuff going on, or I try and he doesn't respond.
Maggs Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I would love it if my boyfriend sent me an email every now and again telling me how much he loves me and wants me in his life. And I would love if he would surprise me when a written letter or something special like that. Just show that he's taken an extra few minutes out of his day to do something for me. To let me know he's thinking about me.
Maggs Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 If it had to stay LDR and I couldn't say get rid of the distance, these would be my suggestions to make it a great LDR: 1. Him taking more initiative to spice up/make less depressing the times apart. 2. More communication on his part (I know guys generally aren't phone fans, but I love when he randomly texts to say I miss you) 3. Affection- You know they love/care about you but its really good to hear! 4. Not taking it personally when you have a bad day, sometimes you just want to hug and be with them and you can't and it makes you cranky, I wish he didnt get so upset when that happened. Yes, like your #4! That's definitely one as well. Sometimes we just need a little reassurance when we're feeling down. We just miss you and have a hard day and last thing we need is to a fight over it.
LN99 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I would love it if my boyfriend sent me an email every now and again telling me how much he loves me and wants me in his life. And I would love if he would surprise me when a written letter or something special like that. Just show that he's taken an extra few minutes out of his day to do something for me. To let me know he's thinking about me. My bf will do this out of the blue: He will just say right out....."I've been thinking about you a lot lately..." That right there makes me feel so good. (Because I am thinking about him a lot too.) Even if you are with someone, the woman still loves to be pursued. It doesn't take a lot. The little things go a long way.... I have dated my bf before(4 yrs ago), but we broke up when me moved away. We kept in contact and remained friends. He kept on pursuing me though. So I went to visit him back in Jan and we hit it off again. Luckily he lives a little over 3 hrs away so we can see each other once a month. He took me to meet his parents for Easter and they treated me to dinner. He also told me how he told his parents how he "likes me a lot." I thought that was sweet. We haven't gotten to the "L" word yet, but I figure that should come in time. I don't want to rush things. Right now, things are going really good. And for that, I'm glad.
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