sstc123 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Hi there, I'm looking for suggestions on a reply I want to send to a girl. Background: There's this girl that I see once in a while just through the course of work but we don't work for the same company. Asked her to coffee (just to get to know her), she said she'd love to. Emailed her 2 different times suggesting a day. She was busy the 1st time and I found out she had a bf in her reply but she was still up for coffee as friends and she seemed like a nice person so why not. 2nd time she had a cold. Told her I had a cold too and said I hoped she'd feel better soon. After I recovered from my cold 2 weeks later I emailed her asking if she's still up for coffee and she didn't reply. It's been 2 weeks and I've seen her around 1 or 2 times so I'm sure she's ignoring my email. Question: I'll see her again in the future so I'd still like to be amicable with her and I'm not really angry b/c she isn't worth it but I also want her to know I'm not a pushover and it's rude to just ignore someone so I wanted to send her something like: "Guess you're not up for coffee, you've probably got too many friends. You know you could have just said you weren't up for it. =P Take care." Any suggestions? Is this too light? Should I change it to sound more serious? Would you even send anything?
SeraBella Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 If you'd like to be amicable in the future, I wouldn't send anything.
shanny Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Your response to her is going to come off rather insulting. She really hasn't done anything wrong. She told you she has a boyfriend. She may not be sure if you want to meet as friends or if you want something more. She probably doesn't want to have to feel guilty for going out with you if you want something more and she doesn't. Don't send her anything... No offense, but your proposed response is very immature.
Chinook Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I have to agree with the other two posters. I don't think it requires you to make a response. She's ignored your email because she wants to be able to keep things amicable too without having to tell you to f.off in my opinion. I'd just let things go. Also, she probably didn't think you were that serious when you said 'hey, we should get a coffee'. People say those kinds of things all the time - so she was probably a bit surprised when you actually did mean it. It doesn't mean anything, it just means she doesn't want to be horrible to you. So I'd let it lie. She doesn't owe you a response. Yes it is normally rude to ignore people... but, in this case I'm guessing she can feel the unseen pressure you're applying. I'd drop it now and move on.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I'm against sending her another email. Sending it might have the effect that you're holding a grudge or something. She's made it known that she has a bf and she's unclear as to your intentions on asking her out to coffee. I guess the timing was off your part. Anyways, the best thing you can do at this point is take it point blank that she's telling you off matter of factly through not replying to you. Sorry, but I think you got off easily. Better sooner than later.
carhill Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Another scenario is a BF miraculously appeared when she became disinterested. It happens. Oh, yeah, don't write...
Author sstc123 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I guess I won't reply but I have the strong urge to get some sort of closure you know? Even something like: "Guess you're not up for coffee, no worries. Take care" I guess not? And just to be clear, if someone asked you out for coffee wouldn't you expect some sort of interest on their part before agreeing? Actually when she mentioned her bf & that she was busy, I replied that she's a nice person and I'd still like to get to know her as friends. She said she was still up for it and that lead to the 2nd day/time suggestion.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Closure?? For what? You weren't in a relationship! Just let it go. I've blown off guys on the Internet when I wasn't interested, and anytime I got the "I guess you weren't interested, etc." e-mail a week or two later, I always thought they must have been pretty desperate to still be thinking about me.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Thanks for the advice. I guess I won't reply but I have the strong urge to get some sort of closure you know? Even something like: "Guess you're not up for coffee, no worries. Take care" I guess not? And just to be clear, if someone asked you out for coffee wouldn't you expect some sort of interest on their part before agreeing? Actually when she mentioned her bf & that she was busy, I replied that she's a nice person and I'd still like to get to know her as friends. She said she was still up for it and that lead to the 2nd day/time suggestion. Maybe at the time she wrote her response that was the politest thing she could come up with without telling straightout that she didn't want anything to do with you. Like I could talk with my friends and say we need to hang out soon but we don't always carry out the plans. You shouldn't have taken it literally. And really you don't need any closure. How well do you even know her anyways? You've only crossed paths a few times at work. Unless you've known her for a really really long time, I don't see why you need to have a talk for validation.
Mustang Sally Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Question: How should I reply to being ignored? Answer: Don't. Move on. There are plenty of other (more worthy) fish in the sea. Re-bait, and get busy!
whichwayisup Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 The closure is, she has a boyfriend. Don't email her. IF by chance she emails you in the future, email her back and tell her to get ahold of you when she is a free woman, but until then you want nothing to do with her.
D-Lish Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I completely agree that sending anything isn't worth your time or effort. Anything you send would come off sounding desperate. The best course of action is to just act as if your are unphased when you see her again. Be friendly but mention nothing about what happened.
Jilly Bean Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 My take is that she sensed you wanted more than a friendship, and since she is taken, this is why she is ignoring you. But, the title of your post really said it all. It's like asking how do I spend the money I haven't won on the lottery.
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 She said she already had a boyfriend. You should have left it at that and just moved on. I got an email from some guy like that a while back when I just decided to close the book on things and move on. We weren't in a relationship as far as I was concerned, but apparently he thought otherwise. Honestly, I saw his closure email as a bit of an insult.
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