Phoenix11 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I haven't seen my busy a** bf in a week. We email and chat all week long. Today I wanted to know how the weekend is going to shape up. I email him the usual small talk, ask about work, and wish him a nice day, and close by asking if we are getting together this weekend. He writes back with some small talk bs and says.."blah blah busy Sat....so maybe Sunday might be a day we can get together." WTF! I'm pissed! So I write back..."Sunday sounds uncertain for you. yes or no!" This was at lunchtime and I have yet to hear from him. Needless to say, I'm beyond being pissed. If I don't hear back from him tonight with an answer about our weekend plans, I'm DONE with him!
curiousnycgirl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 How long have you two been dating? Are you both on the same wavelength as to what stage you are at (ie the spend every weekend together)? Why all the drama? Stop with the waiting to hear bs and just make your own plans. If he calls to make plans - say oops I'm busy, how about another day? I'm not saying to play a game, I'm telling you to really do this and have a life! If he wants to be part of it, he'll plan accordingly - with you! If not - so what you'll have plans!
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 So, OP, is he flying in for these weekend dates? Driving 4 hours? What? If he's local, lose him. That's cr@p....
Author Phoenix11 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 How long have you two been dating? Are you both on the same wavelength as to what stage you are at (ie the spend every weekend together)? Why all the drama? Stop with the waiting to hear bs and just make your own plans. If he calls to make plans - say oops I'm busy, how about another day? I'm not saying to play a game, I'm telling you to really do this and have a life! If he wants to be part of it, he'll plan accordingly - with you! If not - so what you'll have plans! We have been dating each other exclusively since Jan08. Distance is an issue for us. We live in neighboring states, which is a 90 minute drive. In addition to his daytime work, he also coaches softball which takes up evening and weekend time. So this week, he is only available on Sunday. Given that we didn't see each other last weekend, I thought he would jump at the chance to get together this weekend. What I did not expect was a "maybe" and a "might" from him. I so intend on making my own plans this weekend if I don't get a straight answer from him. This will also mark the end for us. I had discuss with him just being FWB if he wasn't ready for a full blown relationship. He flat out said that's something he would not be interested in. He went on to say that he would prove to me how serious he is about making this relationship work....but I don't see it happening. I'm afraid I have allowed myself to fall hard for him and I'm in a bad way.
Author Phoenix11 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 So, OP, is he flying in for these weekend dates? Driving 4 hours? What? If he's local, lose him. That's cr@p.... Distance is a problem among other things. Neighboring states, 90 minutes away.
carhill Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Distance is a problem among other things. Neighboring states, 90 minutes away. Ah, across town (if you live in LA) FWIW, my wife and I did that (1.2 hr each way) for the 18 months until we got married; we split the travel duties. Every weekend, at least.
Star Gazer Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Ah, across town (if you live in LA) Like Pasadena to Santa Monica. Or Sherman Oaks to Manhattan Beach.
lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 sometimes my boyf will get busy with work and wont answer my e-mails til hours later...if at all. And as far as the plans thing, 90 minutes is far away- it might eb hard for him to get to you. I would make your own plans...show him you have a life and that you are not waiting around for him. If he ends up contacting you to hang out, oh well, you already have plans. I don't think seems like a cause for breaking up though...so if you are considering that over something like this, don't...unless you are legitamately unhappy.
Jilly Bean Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Phoenix - is this the guy you just spend a miserable weekend with and then he didn't call you for days afterwards? Girl - this guy is no more your BF than he is mine. From the get-go, he has treated you like a side dish. It wouldn't surprise me when you finally find out he's married or has a gf, and that he DOES in fact own a cell phone. But, aren't you tired yet of trying to force a relationship with someone who is apparently not interested in the same? Remember, all this time you spend trying to make him into the guy you want in your life, keeps you from actually BEING with the guy you want in your life.
Advocate's Devilette Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 You need to back off on asking him to see you. If he wanted to see you, he would. If he was really into you, he would make sure he saw you. Don't call him anymore. Let him make the effort. You know then that if he doesn't make an effort, he's just not that into you. (He already isn't though.)
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 We live in neighboring states, which is a 90 minute drive. In addition to his daytime work, he also coaches softball which takes up evening and weekend time. So this week, he is only available on Sunday. It sounds like he has a busy schedule and Sunday is his only free day. Perhaps he doesn't want to spend the one day of the week he has to himself driving a few hours only to spend a few hours there and drive a few hours back the same day, only to get up Monday morning and start his week all over again with having had no time for himself the previous week. People do like and enjoy time to themselves once in a while, you know? Maybe he just wants to sit around and relax - watch TV, drink a beer or two and unwind for the upcoming week. Particularly since it looks like all he has to look forward to by driving those several hours is more relationship drama. Maybe it is time to reconsider if you want to be with this guy anymore. It sounds like you and he are on different pages anyway.
StartingOver07 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Phoenix - is this the guy you just spend a miserable weekend with and then he didn't call you for days afterwards? Girl - this guy is no more your BF than he is mine. From the get-go, he has treated you like a side dish. It wouldn't surprise me when you finally find out he's married or has a gf, and that he DOES in fact own a cell phone. But, aren't you tired yet of trying to force a relationship with someone who is apparently not interested in the same? Remember, all this time you spend trying to make him into the guy you want in your life, keeps you from actually BEING with the guy you want in your life. Wise words from Jilly, Phoenix. I think you know from my previous posts that I am in complete agreement, especially with the bit I bolded.
shockandawed Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Phoenix, You know I love you but Jilly and SO are so right on here. I know all too well about falling hard and the difficulties of moving on..but, this has been a sort of anguish for you since the beginning. You have invested so much time, energy and emotion in trying to make this work. You feel giving up now will only result in all of that being a waste. I understand because I have done the same thing. Yet, despite all the effort you have invested here, you are still obviously not getting anything close to what you desire in a relationship partner....and you know you are way too invested here to strictly want a FWB thing anyhow. This guy has been an odd man since the beginning and is showing absolutely no sign of changing. He won't change! You have to decide whether you are happy with this type of relationship. This is is ALL of what he is capable of delivering. I think we both know the answer there. I know how tough it is, but you know you should be investing this energy in finding a relationship that won't leave you feeling the way you do.
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