crazyk84 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 well, i dont really know where to start but i need some outside advice as i feel my closest friends can no longer do that. I met a guy through a friend a few months ago who was at the end of a very rocky marraige, we hit it off straight away (as friends) and i was a support and advisor while he was leaving her, as we became closer we realised our feelings went further than just friendship and it became intimate. our main concern was that it was all happening too quickly but our feelings seemed to be running away with us. He is my bestfriends partners brother( very confusing!) so it has all had to stay quiet because we dont want to be accused of starting anything before his split with his partner and is made even worse as my bestfriend is close to his wife. his main concern in all of this is his son and is worried that our relationship so close to the split will cause his ex to stop him seeing his son!(which i know will happen) and will destroy him. We have been bubbling along quiet happily spending 2/3 nights a week together and the rest of his time with his son without any problems but today my bestfriend told me a few things that his ex had mentioned that has left me feeling confused. he has been spending more time than i was aware of at the house, staying in the spare room(which i did know but was not aware it was that often) and walking around naked when he gets up in the morning, also he told me today that they have booked a holiday together for their son so he has both parents together. he insists they have separate rooms for the holiday and that after 8yrs together and no sexual interest on either part he doesnt see what the problem is and says he doesnt see why he should change his ways! I know neither of them wants to sort the marraige out and both have said they are better as friends but is this too much?! my friend has her suspisions about the two of us and told me what was said as she didnt want to see me get hurt and feels he is playing a game with the both of us, im torn between the two, i know my best friend is looking out for me but i also know that my boyfriend sees a future in us and says he isnt interested in throwing that away by doing anything with his ex and feels my friend is stirring! i am so upset and confused as i see both points of view! i need some outside points of view as im torn between my heart and my head!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Don't do anything until he is officially divorced and atleast 6 months has gone by so they can sort out custody with the kidsand money issues. He may have feelings for you, but it could be rebound. Take it slow and just be friends. Imagine you married and recently separating and/or close to getting a divorce, then another guy comes into your life. You couldn't give him 100%, nor would you be ready for anything too serious. This guy also has a child to think about too, so I'm sure it isn't easy and together, him and his ex need to make a fair and smooth transition for the kids sake.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Sorry but I've been in the situation where I was told the 'I'm separated honestly' which then becomes 'oh I stay in the spare room when I'm there, I live elsewhere the rest of the time' which then became 'actually I moved back home because it was best for the kids' etc etc etc. Similar scenario - complete with the holiday thing going on too. When it came down to it. He was still married. Decided to test the water out there, didn't much like it. Decided to undip the toe and woo wife back to normality. He did all this whilst trying to gaslight me into believing he was single and unattached and only saw the kids at the weekend and telling me that the relationship was all but 'over' except in name. Oh and add in the manipulative and abusive (subtle, very subtle) behaviour... it made for a mix which screwed with my head from six ways to Sunday. I'm still in counselling and that was a year ago. I'm not sure my confidence will ever recover. I would caution you to walk away from this situation. Even if it doesn't sound like it's explosive in the same way mine was, it is definitely going to end up with someone getting hurt and I'm not a betting gal but if I were I'd lay my money on you. Your friend is right... trust her, she's looking out for you... she's also looking from the outside in, with unbiased eyes. Your guy sounds like a cake-eater to me.
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