Kman21 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I have been reading many posts about people breaking up, some got married but read their marriage going into shambles for specific reasons. Anyways reading the threads, its hard to believe people getting married, I mean what happened to "happily ever after" and real true love. Reading the threads gives me no hope of having a successful relationships, but I do learn alot from them. I mean couples been together 2 years or more, then all of sudden it ends. I mean if the "love" fades away that fast, does this mean real love wasn't there in the first place? Please share your thoughts.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 You know this is a huge question I don't think it's any one thing is it..? It's a combination of issues. Part of our problem these days is we expect the ideal all the time. We're not happy with anything less than perfection. Hollywood and publishing houses tell us all we should aspire to with respect to the dream of the perfect successful love. So we grow up with expectations. Whether those expectations are realistic, is another matter entirely. Also factor into this is the changing roles of men and women in society. There are a huge number of pressures on both sexes these days which make juggling everything hard work and really sometimes, we just want an easy life. I know for me certainly I'm not dating at the moment and haven't for nearly a year, because I don't want to put in the effort and have all the emotional drama in my life. Right now, my life is fairly quiet and stable and I like that. Can it happen..? Yes I believe it can happen, but it takes a lot of work and effort and with the already huge pressures on society today, as well as the expectations (of one or both partners) it's not really surprising there aren't many relationships surviving. We're a throw-it-away-when-it's-broken civilisation. That's not that it's anyone's fault, it is how societies have evolved.
sedona Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 The people who get married don't need to post on LS unless something goes wrong in the marriage. Here you read mostly about the problems and sad cases. Especially in the Breaking Up, reconciliation and coping forum! And from the posts I've read, there is much more breaking up and coping than reconciliation. It's when people are seeking answers that they reach out to strangers on a forum like this. And when we are hurt and lonely, then we want and need answers. When we're happy, then we have no need to ask people why that's the case.
Author Kman21 Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 I understand what you are talking about, I am in hurt and lonely category that is looking for answers...
lovestruck818 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 My own personal feelings are that I would rather be in love with someone but not be married to them, than to just be married to be married and ahve it fail...just my 2 cents.
Enema Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I got married a little over 2 weeks ago. Been with her for 5 or 6 years all up (I should know that shouldn't I?) A few common mistakes I think people make: - Thinking the honeymoon phase is true love - Expecting the honeymoon phase to last forever - Not maintaining your own identity - Not communicating about what you both want from a partner - Not experiencing other people before getting married - Getting married before you've matured There are many more, these are just random thoughts.
Author Kman21 Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 wow 5 years? What took so long to get married? usually its around two years after they met, so I have heard...
Enema Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I don't believe in marriage. I think it's an antiquated idea and doesn't have much import for me. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and will be with her forever, I just don't see marriage as necessary. We eventually got married due to pressure from her parents. I agreed to keep the peace and didn't have a big problem with it because they footed most of the bill.
lovestruck818 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I don't believe in marriage. I think it's an antiquated idea and doesn't have much import for me. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and will be with her forever, I just don't see marriage as necessary. We eventually got married due to pressure from her parents. I agreed to keep the peace and didn't have a big problem with it because they footed most of the bill. lol, weddings are freakin expensive!! I'd rather save the cash and go on a nice european vacation...hot boyfriend in tow, of course.
Chinook Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I don't believe in marriage. I think it's an antiquated idea and doesn't have much import for me. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and will be with her forever, I just don't see marriage as necessary. We eventually got married due to pressure from her parents. I agreed to keep the peace and didn't have a big problem with it because they footed most of the bill. Actually I used to have this view, until I got sick. Really very sick. When that happened, we realised that if the situation ever ended up where I was incapable of making a decision, it would fall to my next-of-kin to make those decisions for me and in law (in the UK anyhow) that person is a spouse or parent/child. My partner and I weren't married and we realised very quickly that my Mom would make decisions based solely on her needs, not mine... simply because she didn't want to lose me (yes, it was that bad). My partner and I split in the end for other reasons but I've changed my view on marriage. It isn't just a piece of paper. There are some issues which as a married couple apply to you - where they would not if you were only cohabiting (these things also include things like taxation, pensions, death / inheritance rights etc).
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