Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 There's other ways to go about that then being underhanded. And "she has nothing to fear, but fear itself." She's done her research, she probably won't like what she's found, so there's no need for her to follow him up. Did I say I don't like what I found? Nope. I just think I deserve to know more about it for safety. If it's a marijuana charge and a $10 ticket with community service, no biggy, but he missed a court date. I think there's currently a warrant for his arrest. But I'm not seeing anything recent and violent and assaulting. Just anger management (part of probation). I willing to hear the rest because it might not be as bad as it sounds...it might be way worse...either way I deserve to know.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Accessing public records is underhanded? I guess we'll just have to disagree on that point. No, not informing him that she is, is underhanded, which is why he is better off with someone who is going to be direct and honest. She had a chance to get the information out of him, but she didn't do it. She missed the blatant sign's, she can't have been listening carefully to the phone call then, if he was dropping hints. Of course let's blame the man, he should have been straight talking shouldn't he? That's an exclusive male trait right there.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Accessing public records is underhanded? I guess we'll just have to disagree on that point. ...thank you!
blind_otter Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 The fact he told her, he had been to prison relatively early on, before they met and went on a date shows that this man is indeed a good egg and I'm certain he would have filled in the blanks when he felt more comfortable around you and when you two had gotten to know each other a bit more. Just because he told her doesn't mean he's a good egg. The man I referred to in my first post on this thread, the one who was in prison for almost 7 years before I met him, admitted freely that he had been incarcerated. I stand by my point. Men who have been in prison for extended periods of time tend to be damaged.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 The one's reported are yes, how many go unreported? Did you know that around the world the victims of domestic violence are more likely to men as a result of abusive female partner's? No, of course you didn't know that because the Commie left and the feminist cogs that work for the media outlets in the world won't publish this kind of information. That's an assertion that's easy to make because you can't prove a negative. I tend not to believe in wild conspiracy theories. More women are killed at the hands of men than otherwise "around the world," especially when you factor in genocide, domestic violence, etc. I can't imagine there is a big media conglomeration around the world comprised of thousands of people trying to cover up "the real truth" to protect women. It's a laughable assertion. Anyway, this debate is a threadjack. I've given my advice to Lovelace. Good on you for doing what you need to do to protect yourself!
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 No, not informing him that she is, is underhanded, which is why he is better off with someone who is going to be direct and honest. She had a chance to get the information out of him, but she didn't do it. She missed the blatant sign's, she can't have been listening carefully to the phone call then, if he was dropping hints. Of course let's blame the man, he should have been straight talking shouldn't he? That's an exclusive male trait right there. Go back and re-read a few things Cov...I told you, I finally asked him WHAT THE HINTS MEANT and that's when he volunteered to tell me what happened! That was only last night! I've been pondering on what to do since then, I dont' think anything is wrong with that. Sorry, but I dont' get told I"m dating a robber everyday!!! As if I'm supposed to KNOW just what to do and what to say...blow it off as a thing? If it's bugging me, I can't do that.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Just because he told her doesn't mean he's a good egg. The man I referred to in my first post on this thread, the one who was in prison for almost 7 years before I met him, admitted freely that he had been incarcerated. I stand by my point. Men who have been in prison for extended periods of time tend to be damaged. That's one man isn't it? But lets carry on with the stereotypes. Laughable, if she fears for her safety, she should not see him, end of discussion. It seems to me she'll always find a fault in men somewhere. She is a perfectionist in what she looks for, even though she is no Picasso painting herself. She rejected another guy because he was too wimpy, now she's rejecting a guy who's been to prison, he's a badboy who got his ass spanked and has a rep, he's a lot more lively than Bill and is much more masculine no doubt, and still you're not happy. I think you need the nunnery.
blind_otter Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 That's one man isn't it? But lets carry on with the stereotypes. Laughable, if she fears for her safety, she should not see him, end of discussion. It seems to me she'll always find a fault in men somewhere. She is a perfectionist in what she looks for, even though she is no Picasso painting herself. She rejected another guy because he was too wimpy, now she's rejecting a guy who's been to prison, he's a badboy who got his ass spanked and has a rep, he's a lot more lively than Bill and is much more masculine no doubt, and still you're not happy. Okey dokey, crazy!
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Go back and re-read a few things Cov...I told you, I finally asked him WHAT THE HINTS MEANT and that's when he volunteered to tell me what happened! That was only last night! I've been pondering on what to do since then, I dont' think anything is wrong with that. Sorry, but I dont' get told I"m dating a robber everyday!!! As if I'm supposed to KNOW just what to do and what to say...blow it off as a thing? If it's bugging me, I can't do that. You have a problem with him, so find someone else. I bet even if you'll get the validation you'll need you'll still stereotype him as a convict, he might as well be with someone who is at least open minded.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 That's one man isn't it? But lets carry on with the stereotypes. Laughable, if she fears for her safety, she should not see him, end of discussion. It seems to me she'll always find a fault in men somewhere. She is a perfectionist in what she looks for, even though she is no Picasso painting herself. She rejected another guy because he was too wimpy, now she's rejecting a guy who's been to prison, he's a badboy who got his ass spanked and has a rep, he's a lot more lively than Bill and is much more masculine no doubt, and still you're not happy. I think you need the nunnery. Listen up Cov. I"m not rejecting Q yet. So far I like everything about him. All the more reason why, I don't want to find out when It's too late that there's a lot more to his criminal history. Like I said, the recent charges don't sound too big so far so if that's all it amounts to, he deserves a chance. I don't fear my safety right now, but I have the right to know if I should dammit. I like the guy WAY more than I liked Bill. And I did give Bill another chance...and HE called it off, NOT me. I just didn't care. Since I really dig this guy, I'm hoping that he will be honest if I ask him anything. If he lies, I have the documents to prove he is lying...THEN good-bye dude, end-of-story.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 You have a problem with him, so find someone else. I bet even if you'll get the validation you'll need you'll still stereotype him as a convict, he might as well be with someone who is at least open minded. I must be pretty open-minded to sit here and think it's still possible to date the guy. After telling me what he did, I stayed on the phone with him for like a whole hour after. I don't think that's close-minded, do you?
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 If you drove to that county and went to the courthouse in person they would let you look through the file. Yup. I've done it - with family law cases too.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I must be pretty open-minded to sit here and think it's still possible to date the guy. But whyyyyy?? You don't even know the guy!!! I don't mean to be harsh here, but are you honestly so desperate that you'd overlook a violent criminal past to date someone you haven't even met yet???
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Cov I've been thinking about him all day, reasons why I like him so far. Again, it didn't cross my mind to do a background check until a Loveshacker suggested it. But it was not a bad idea considering I want a boyfriend that I feel safe with. I have yet to feel unsafe because it's only been phone chatting.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Cov I've been thinking about him all day, reasons why I like him so far. ....says the girl who's not invested.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 But whyyyyy?? You don't even know the guy!!! I don't mean to be harsh here, but are you honestly so desperate that you'd overlook a violent criminal past to date someone you haven't even met yet??? NO silly, I never know if I truly want to date someone until I meet them. I dont' know if I want to meet him yet.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I'd also recommend doing a criminal background check on the neighboring states as well as the states where he's told you he has family. Just sayin'.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 NO silly, I never know if I truly want to date someone until I meet them. I dont' know if I want to meet him yet. That wasn't my question. Nevermind you thinking it's "possible to date this guy" (your words!)... Why do you even want to MEET this guy at this point? There are SOOOOOOOO many fish in the sea, why would you ever settle for a VIOLENT CRIMINAL?!
underpants Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Yup. I've done it - with family law cases too. Me too. I've looked up for friends as well. Once a guy was interested in me and I found out he was married. Once a guy was interested in me and I found out he had a record as a sexual offender. :eek: (early internet days) Never talked to either again. The guy I'm seeing now joked with me on our second date and asked if I had looked him up yet. I laughed and said .."of course". He took it (rightly so) as a sign of smart interest. He told me his things. He got in a little trouble years ago for taking part in a pollution protest. Yes, we all may have skeletons and I really think the only people that have a problem with full disclosure are the ones that have something to hide. Or maybe a chip from being rejected because they hid it, or because of whatever it was. It really does pay to be smart and safe.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Also, If I was "desparate", I don't think I'd be willing to look up his records, I'd be avoiding the issue all together and dating him regardless. Once I understand everything that's going on, know the details, it's up to me to decide what is acceptable and what is not. I know lots of people who have done stupid sh*t as a teen, me included. That's where it stands right now, but I want more details to make any further judements. The details might blow it and they might not. Giving someone a chance to prove they are a good person isn't desparate.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Also there is a big difference in 16 and 30, his age. I want to consider that...unless I find out about something else violent and more recent...than it's bye bye...
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Also, If I was "desparate", I don't think I'd be willing to look up his records, I'd be avoiding the issue all together and dating him regardless. I completely disagree. The fact that you're even willing to entertain the idea of dating him - which you ARE, you said it yourself, and this was BEFORE learning of the ability to do your own investigation - tells me that you're willing to take whatever comes your way, no matter how unworthy they are of your attention. That or you're proving yourself to be that stereotypical girl who truly only likes "bad boys" and a-holes.
Star Gazer Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Also there is a big difference in 16 and 30, his age. I want to consider that...unless I find out about something else violent and more recent...than it's bye bye... No. Consider his age when he GOT OUT and now, and how much time was spent behind bars. Sounds like he's spent more time behind bars as an adult than out in the free world being a responsible adult. And what he's done with his life since. Does he live on his own? Have a career? Pay his own bills? A VIOLENT PAST is a violent past, period. We're not talking about writing bad checks or drunk driving. We're talking about holding a gun to someone for money...
Jilly Bean Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Why do you even want to MEET this guy at this point? There are SOOOOOOOO many fish in the sea, why would you ever settle for a VIOLENT CRIMINAL?! + 1!!! Seriously, why this discussion even needs to extend past one page is beyond me. To me, this is a total no-brainer. Honestly, I am often at a loss for words when I see the choices that some people make. I can only shake my head, and pray for your safety.
Star Gazer Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I found out stuff...somewhat..It was all kind of hard to interpret....The case from 1996 was the one he told me about. There was once a sentence of 3 years for one place, but the case # alone had info up to 2004. (he said it's been 3 years)...specific charges not really given...there was a large bond tho. Over the last 2 years...2 years probation with anger management continuous of punishment?) community service hours for getting caught with a little green stuff (which has almost happened to me before)...and a $10 "judement" for something (wasn't traffic ticket). THEN a 2007 "Failure to Appear" warrent for his arrest, which expires in 2009 but I'm not able to tell if it's been resolved or not... I have a close family friend doing time for holding up 2 different places for crack. I wouldn't date him cuz he's very institutionalized, although a good man at heart. My mom visits him like once a month. He was also well into adulthood when he got into trouble. I'm wondering if anger management was something he promised to continue after the sentence was up, part of probation. Copy and paste the screen info into a PM to me and I'll tell you exactly what he was in for. Keep in mind that if he's on probation right now for 2 years, his last conviction was no less than 2 years ago. In 1996 he was 18, not 16 as you said. He was an adult when he committed that crime. Also, in order for a judge to think outside the box and order a defendant to anger management, he generally needs to have a HISTORY of VIOLENT offenses. Do with that what you will, LL. But every woman I know who's in her right mind would RUN and run FAST.
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