norajane Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 ...he was very good eye candy and I was all smiles. He was making me laugh a whole lot! He's a sales manager for cars. Entertaining personality, he does almost any voice impression you ask him to; So, attractive, funny, outgoing, and is in sales? Those are exactly the kinds of guys who can sell themselves and make themselves appear attractive to women. Don't fall for the external package before you know what's inside. He did time as a teenager until his early 20's, because they were "stupid kids" and tried to rob a gas station or something.. Or something. Like I said, don't fall for the external before you understand who this guy is inside and exactly what kind of con man he might be. If he has such a great job, why is he worried about gas money to come to the other side of town to see you?
Jilly Bean Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I wouldn't bother with him any further, LL. Just too many strikes already, IMO, and I think the deeper you delve, the more unsavory details will reveal themselves.
norajane Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 He has yet to mention any friends or buddies...only women... Whoops - I missed this in your earlier post. Yet another reason to be cautious with this one. You know this is a red flag.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Anyone can be attractive, funny and outgoing. Someone else posted that he "seemed like a nice guy." Well, there is no basis for that judgment. Lovelace can't even make that judgment - she's had a few online conversations and that's it. Anyone can comport his/her behavior to something agreeable in the beginning of a relationship. It sounds like you are making the effort to find out the information. If you're seriously considering a relationship with this guy, regardless of what you find, I would ask him about the details, too - though NOT in person. If he gets defensive, angry or says something like "Well, what have you heard??" All red flags.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Also, the "I thought I told you" is a red flag for me. Loosely translated, that means "Crap, you asked me a question that I have to answer and it's important and might make you reconsider a relationship with me. So, I'm going to pretend that I thought I'd told you already so you will think of me as honest and a good guy who is maybe just forgetful." Nobody "forgets" to mention something like that.
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 OK, I'll call this one. Be careful. That's my gut instinct. That instinct came strictly from the part of your OP prior to mentioning his crim issues, which I'm not basing my opinion on. I would not meet him.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I'd be cautious, but where's the harm in allowing the man a fair hearing here? It would be good for you to find out what he has done and once you know what he has done and what he has told you is true then I don't see why you shouldn't pursue him, do you? If he's open and honest, has nothing to hide and you find nothing and he has the qualties you are looking for in a potential partner are you seriously going to tell me you are going to crucify the man based on one incident in his past? I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the man and the person was a female the board wouldn't have a problem with you seeing him outright.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 I found out stuff...somewhat..It was all kind of hard to interpret....The case from 1996 was the one he told me about. There was once a sentence of 3 years for one place, but the case # alone had info up to 2004. (he said it's been 3 years)...specific charges not really given...there was a large bond tho. Over the last 2 years...2 years probation with anger management continuous of punishment?) community service hours for getting caught with a little green stuff (which has almost happened to me before)...and a $10 "judement" for something (wasn't traffic ticket). THEN a 2007 "Failure to Appear" warrent for his arrest, which expires in 2009 but I'm not able to tell if it's been resolved or not... I have a close family friend doing time for holding up 2 different places for crack. I wouldn't date him cuz he's very institutionalized, although a good man at heart. My mom visits him like once a month. He was also well into adulthood when he got into trouble. I'm wondering if anger management was something he promised to continue after the sentence was up, part of probation.
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 ALSO... say I ask him, "Have you been in trouble for anything since the sentence?' And he says No...should I then refer to 2007?
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Here's an idea, that no one has thought of, why don't you ask him and confront him about it, after all the sneaking? You got some evidence to use against him should he lie, so why not find out from him. Of course, I remember reading threads where people condemned a breach of privacy, but I guess in this case like the death penalty - it's warranted.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 ALSO... say I ask him, "Have you been in trouble for anything since the sentence?' And he says No...should I then refer to 2007? No, because then he knows you've been looking up his files on the Internet and if I was him, I wouldn't feel best pleased. How do you know he doesn't plan on being open and honest with you about his past once he gets to know you better. Why don't you inform him of your past life and all the mistakes you've made, it's only fair isn't it?
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 ALSO... say I ask him, "Have you been in trouble for anything since the sentence?' And he says No...should I then refer to 2007? I wouldn't refer to anything. If he says "no" then he's a liar. Case closed!
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Why don't you inform him of your past life and all the mistakes you've made, it's only fair isn't it? Absolutely...Ive had a DWI and was caught shoplifting as a teenager.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 No, because then he knows you've been looking up his files on the Internet and if I was him, I wouldn't feel best pleased. How do you know he doesn't plan on being open and honest with you about his past once he gets to know you better. Why don't you inform him of your past life and all the mistakes you've made, it's only fair isn't it? That's a little unfair. We're talking about a guy who says he "robbed a store." Robbing usually implies by force; therefore, she has every right to be concerned that he may be violent. She has now found he's been mandated to complete anger management. She's simply doing the responsible and intelligent thing by educating herself and keeping herself protected. Yes, he may be a great guy but the fact that he has been in trouble recently is troubling. And yes, Lovelace, if you have a criminal past you should disclose that also. Fair enough?
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 And yes, Lovelace, if you have a criminal past you should disclose that also. Fair enough? See above...
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 We're talking about a human being who has made some mistakes, but who is trying to get his life back on track, but faces the possibility of being stereotyped for a past mistake. That's the problem with humans, we have this holier than thou attitude (problem) yet we all make mistakes, we all do things we are ashamed of, therefore we all deserve a chance to redeem ourselves. I bet if you searched through every single person's warddrobe, you'd find a few skeleton's lurking around in them somewhere in the depths of the moths and old dingy trench coats.
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the man and the person was a female the board wouldn't have a problem with you seeing him outright. Hey, I did the "women behind bars" thing back in the 90's. Desperate times, ya know And, believe it or not, that web site is still around: http://www.womenbehindbars.com/ Personally, no, I would not get involved with anyone with a criminal background. It's not them necessarily, rather what precipitated their behavior and the people they naturally gravitate towards. Again, I based my opinion solely on the interaction between the OP and the person. Happy to be wrong
underpants Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 If you drove to that county and went to the courthouse in person they would let you look through the file. I know, breach of privacy...all that jazz. However, if the dude has enough anger management issues to warrant a court mandated addressing of those issues I would personally be concerned and at the very least want to know more. There is a concern, that of personal safety. Besides it is public record and that means it is available to the public. I'm sure if he looked up LL he would find the dwi. For some that might be a deal breaker, other's not. I would want to read the case in which he was ordered to go to anger management. I would also want to know what the outstanding warrant is for and if it has been dealt with. If it were me I would make a trip and find this out before I met a virtual stranger. Be smart LL and be safe.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I think LoveLace should not puruse anything with him, she already proved she can't be trusted and is sneaky, I think he is better off with someone who will be patient with him, so he can reveal the information in his own way and when he is ready to do so. It must be hard for him to have admit he has been to prison and the reasoning behind his stint in prison. He certainly doesn't need a rattlesnake amongst the flowers. The fact he told her, he had been to prison relatively early on, before they met and went on a date shows that this man is indeed a good egg and I'm certain he would have filled in the blanks when he felt more comfortable around you and when you two had gotten to know each other a bit more. Your a stranger to him, so why would he reveal everything to you over the phone? Despite what you say, Carhill, I stand by my original point, if he was female, no one would kick up a fuss, it's just more anti-man syndrome that the feminists have come up with over the years. If a woman is a criminal, it's a nonentity.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) Gender plays no role in the advice I give, Cov. Telling someone to just assume another person is ok because he divulged his stint in prison is ridiculous. It should make her more wary. It's a matter of personal safety. If the roles were reversed, I'd say the same thing. If I was considering seeing someone, I would want to know if he had ever been in prison, hit a woman, committed a sexual assault or is an alcoholic or drug addict. Why? Because these matters all relate to my personal safety. Keeping myself safe is ten times more important to me that some stranger's feelings. I don't disregard my instincts - they are there for a reason. Edited April 2, 2008 by Crestfallen_KH typo
Author LoveLace Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 I think LoveLace should not puruse anything with him, she already proved she can't be trusted and is sneaky, I think he is better off with someone who will be patient with him, so he can reveal the information in his own way and when he is ready to do so. It must be hard for him to have admit he has been to prison and the reasoning behind his stint in prison. He certainly doesn't need a rattlesnake amongst the flowers. The fact he told her, he had been to prison relatively early on, before they met and went on a date shows that this man is indeed a good egg and I'm certain he would have filled in the blanks when he felt more comfortable around you and when you two had gotten to know each other a bit more. Your a stranger to him, so why would he reveal everything to you over the phone? 1st of all...It didn't even cross my mind to do a criminal check until I got HERE and someone advised it. I followed the advice.You are right he IS a stranger to me which is all the more reason why I have the right to know more. HE was the one dropping hints about it before he finally came out with the story. I ignored the hints at 1st. Then I asked what he was talking about, so I was damn sure not twisting his arm to tell me, he wanted me to know -- that much about him anyway. Based on his info, I think it gives me the right as a human being to know for sure if I'd be safe with the guy, instead of letting him "fill in the blanks" when it's convenient for HIM....
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Also, men commit way more violent crimes that women. Rapists, serial killers, armed robberers, carjackers, etc. are almost all exclusively male. Women have a lot more to fear from men than men have to fear from women.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Keeping myself safe is ten times more important to me that some stranger's feelings. I don't disregard my instincts - they are there for a reason. There's other ways to go about that then being underhanded. And "she has nothing to fear, but fear itself." She's done her research, she probably won't like what she's found, so there's no need for her to follow him up.
Crestfallen_KH Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Accessing public records is underhanded? I guess we'll just have to disagree on that point.
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Also, men commit way more violent crimes that women. Rapists, serial killers, armed robberers, carjackers, etc. are almost all exclusively male. Women have a lot more to fear from men than men have to fear from women. The one's reported are yes, how many go unreported? Did you know that around the world the victims of domestic violence are more likely to men as a result of abusive female partner's? No, of course you didn't know that because the Commie left and the feminist cogs that work for the media outlets in the world won't publish this kind of information. You're right though, he does seem dangerous, so lets subject him to a lifetime of loneliness and predijuce, whilst we relax in our leafy suburb's sipping the finest port Cali has to offer.
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