sockpuppet Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I haven't posted on here in months, in hopes that next time I posted it'd be to give advice and not ask for more. It's now been about 11 months since my girlfriend and I were officially over. For anyone that didn't read my past threads, I had originally broken up with her in Jan 07 but we remained involved (more emotionally than physically) until April 07, at which point she changed her mind and decided I'd hurt her too bad to try again. I've tried moving on. I've been with other girls, but I can't open up to anyone. I can barely let myself feel anything for anyone else at all. I spent a summer in Europe that was amazing to clear my head and my heart, but that was only a temporary fix. I still dream about her a lot, and I think about her way too much. We only dated for a year but 3-4 months of it was spent practically living together in a foreign country. The downfall of the relationship was my own insecurity and I went out of my way to make her feel terrible, repeatedly. I would've distrusted me if I was her, too. She was heartbroken and felt like I didn't feel the way she did, like it didn't mean as much to me as it did to her. After we broke up, I worked on those insecurities and mostly got over them. She's been dating someone new for like 6 months now. I don't understand how someone can just jump right into another serious relationship after something that was supposedly so intense and deep. It's making me feel like she did now- like none of what we had meant what I thought it did, and it's really depressing me. I've tried occupying myself, the fact that I'm in a new place where I don't know many people doesn't help. I'm working on that...I'm just wondering if something's wrong with me to be thinking about her still. How long does it take to move on?
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Hey, go easy on yourself hon. You're still grieving your loss. I know it's a cliché but it really takes as long as it takes. Keep breathing and doing the things you do to occupy yourself. It does get less painful and easier to deal with. There is nothing wrong with you. In the loss of a significant relationship (either through break-up, death or divorce) it can take anything from a week to five years to overcome the sadness which follows. You don't understand how she can move on so quickly...? Maybe she hasn't moved on. Appearances can be deceptive.... who's to say she isn't rebounding. Maybe she has moved on, maybe she hasn't. It's not your place anymore to wonder about it. You need to focus on you and your needs and how you will move on. Like I said, it will get easier. I promise. Just keep breathing.
carhill Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 OP, it sounds like she resolved a lot of her issues within your relationship, whereas you did your work after it was over, hence the disconnect in the timeline. Purposely do not keep up with anything having to do with her; it will interfere with your healing. Focus only on you. It will take as long as it takes. One morning you will wake up and see the world differently. Bing, bang, boom
iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 yes mate hang in there, you're not being abnormal.. it took me over a year to get over an ex once but i managed it.. you'll meet someone you click with soon enough and you'll look back at this time and think why the hell was i so bothered? trust me it happens as for not knowing many people, join a club or something.. meet new people.. there's lots of nice friends to be made out there...
dogtown Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 My experience is that however long you think it will take is how long it will take...and then even longer. It's viscious, but I swear you will come out of this more confident and stronger than ever. Let your thoughts drift to her even if it takes a 1 or 2 year... of course just make sure you're doing things that you've always wanted to - like learning a language, traveling, etc... Hang in there, bro!
Author sockpuppet Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Thanks everyone for the encouragement...sometimes I just start to feel crazy because I've never seen any friends take this long to get over someone, and she at least seems to have gotten over me pretty quickly. The frustrating part is just how much the end of the relationship screwed with me...before I had a fair amount of confidence around women, now I'm totally intimidated.
mousse Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 It takes me very long to stop thinking about someone as well. I got over my ex after one year( break up was january 2007) but I still think about him everyday. I think that when you live a strong experience you stop thinking about it when you experience something stronger emotionally. That's why you still think about her : you haven't met someone that made you feel as happy as she did. Don't feel bad for thinking about her, I think it's normal and that healing takes a long time. Don't rely on the fact that she seems to be moving on quickly : it's very easy for everybody to pretend everything's okay, but she may also still be healing from the break up. The fact that she started dating someone else quickly could be a sign that it's difficult for her to deal with the emotions associated with a break up.
82knightrider Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 That's why you still think about her : you haven't met someone that made you feel as happy as she did. I dont really agree with this statement. I dont think you need to meet someone new to be over her.I think you need to be happy under your own skin 100% to be happy again.Someone should enhance your happiness,not make it. Only you can make your self happy.
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