confusedinms Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 My boyfriend of a year and half just ditched me this past sat. Said he didn't think we were compatible anymore, had done everything he could, etc. I asked him if he still loved me (as we were both crying), and he said yes he did. He said he wanted to be alone, and that I needed to get my stuff and leave. So I did. We had just had a "marriage" talk the week before, and he said he wanted to marry me one day, and have a bunch of babies with me. Now this. It's like Jekyll and Hyde. I know what my problem is--I was too available to him. ANytime he wanted me, I was there for him. Anytime he needed me, I was there. At times I was needy, not in a psychopathic way, but more along the lines of, well, you wanted me here to spend the weekend together (we don't live together), but now you want to do some fishing with the guys all day on Sat? He'd always bring home a ton of fish...But even though I was always ok with him doing "guy stuff," I could tell he still felt his freedom was threatened (35 years old, and only a couple of serious GF before me). So anyway, I still have keys to his house, and have a ton of stuff over there. This happened Sat., and I have not heard from him. I have not called him either, according to the advice from Bob Grant's Book "How to Get Him Back." LOL! He said LET HIM CALL YOU!! So for you guys out there, what does this mean to you? Is he truly done, and if so why didn't he ask for his keys back, and what are my odds of reconciling with him. IE, showing him eventually that I have a life, that I am not THAT needy or desperate. I need a man's opinion because my female friends are biased and are telling me I can do better. I probably could, but I love this man deeply, and I know he loves me too. How long do you think it will take him to call, or will he at all? Thanks in advance, guys! I really appreciate any advice or suggestions you can throw my way!
tanbark813 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Well as a general rule I don't think you should wait around for someone but if you want to reconcile I agree with letting him call you. Try to get your stuff when he's not around. You have to let him see what life is like without you.
stoneymirror Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) confusedimns - my gf walked out on me a little over week ago and I know where you're at. She also said we weren't compatible, but that she still loved me. To be honest with you, I think our ex's are very confused as to what they really want. And that alone should have you thinking twice about what you want, cause you really don't want to be with someone who's having so many issues that it ends up bleeding into and destroying a relationship. Don't get me wrong, maybe he needs to think about things, and there's nothing wrong with that. But to wait for him to come around is not fair to you. Do you really want to be at the mercy of someone else's decision. This confusion he's displaying should be a sign to you that he doesn't know what he wants, and doesn't appreciate what he has, or had. He's probably focusing on something about the relationship that he can't move past. He's not confident in himself or the relationship. I'd wait for him to call you. He broke up with you, so he needs to call you and tell you he made a mistake and ask for your forgiveness. Not the other way around. Don't chase him, don't try to convince him to be with you, etc. It's pointless cause these individuals need to make that decision on their own. Unfortunately they're probably so consumed with what's going on that it impairs their judgement and actions. As a result he'll probably be too scared or even have too much pride to make any moves. If that's the case, you're better off without him. He apparently knew what he wanted when he broke up with you, or so it appeared, and I'm sure he's having second thoughts, but he needs to work some things out before he even knows what he might want. I'd say give it a month. In that time do your own thing. Flirt with some people, even go out on a date, but move on. If he doesn't call you in that time, I'd say forget about it indefinately. I strongly feel that if you can't work through things in somewhat of short time reference then it probably won't ever work out for you. I've gone back out with girls after months of being seperated and the same issues were there. You never tried working through them, and simply took the easy road out, quit and then got back together thinking things would be okay. Well if you aren't addressing the issues at all you're asking for the realtionship to fail once again. Image being married to this individual, and you get in a fight. Would you go on fighting without any resolution for over a month. Maybe, but it doesn't sound like something I would want to do over and over again. During this time alone should allow yourself to rethink if you even want to be with this person. Life is short, and there's really no need to make things more complicated then they need to be. To me it seems your ex is really confused, so you either let his life dictate yours or you move on, let him figure out what he wants, and decide for yourself if its worth it. He needs to start taking some responsibility for his actions, and he's got to live with his decisions. His actions seem to display insecurities, and selfishness. He needs a wake up call... Edited April 2, 2008 by stoneymirror
stoneymirror Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Most importantly, remember to get on with your life. There's plenty of guys out there that'll appreciate your qualities. Go out, have some fun. socialize, go out with new and old friends. I've done a pretty good job keeping myself busy since my break up and I can't tell you how it feels when you're out and a girl starts hitting on you. You regain your confidence and begin to think of the possibilities. I'm sure you're an nice person, the love of your life might be right around the corner. Don't be down and depressed, you might overlook some really good opportunities to meet new guys.
Freddy Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Act like you don't care and it's not bothering you. This will surely make him think about things and don't take him back unless he begs and you find a balance to work it out.
Author confusedinms Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Thanks guys for all of your help. My mom has told me also not to call him, but it's the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't know about getting my stuff--it's things I can do without for a while. But it's a lot of stuff. He's very passive aggressive, and doesn't like confrontation at all. If I go get my things, then he's got it easy without ever having to make a phone call to contact me. And that's my ace in the hole, or at least that is what my mom says. I am just trying to figure out if he was sincere in what he said about breaking up. Would any of you ever entertain the idea of being friends with someone you had dated? I am going to be blunt, here. Yes, I would have ulterior motives, but he would not know that. I can be very sweet, without sounding like I have a dead horse to beat. Just wondered if any guy ever entertained that notion, or if an ex girlfriend you supposedly still loved called you up, if you would go out with her maybe to a baseball game? That kind of thing... I am not ready to date someone else, and my heart is telling me this might be worth a "wait and see" approach...
Freddy Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I'm friends with my EX EX and the current EX. The first one is married and I just found out a month ago the EX also has a new boyfriend. I tell you it might hurt you, not unless you got a very strong backbone.
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