wonderinwhatsup Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Many of yall know my situation. It had been 2 weeks since she tried to contact me, until this afternoon. She IM's me saying "yo". I decide that after contacting me so much since the breakup that maybe she did want to try some form of reconciliation even though she has a new bf. Basically the whole conversation is how she is excited about going to the beach twice in the next month with I presume her bf. Then she talks about plans for the summer and says that she will be lonely cuz her bf will be out of town for 2 months. I don't get why she tells me these things. I regret breaking my 1 month of NC just to have her talk abt her life, I was hoping for something more meaningful. She ended the conversation saying that I should accept her facebook friend request. Why did she do this? Any advice would be appreciated.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Ask yourself this, is it likely that she would have stopped to talk to you on IM if her friends or BF had been online. Likely answer is no. She didn't have anything better to do is why and subconsciously she wants to keep you hanging on the back burner... making sure that should everything go the shape of the pear, she has someone to fall back on. You prepared to be back-burner-guy..? I know I wouldn't be. I'd maintain NC again. We all slip up occasionally. Pick yourself up and start again.
Author wonderinwhatsup Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Mutual friends don't think the relationship will make it through the summer due to the fact that he will be gone. I will be in the same small town as she is this summer when we get back from college. Do you think that her mentioning that she will be lonely is any form of indication that she might want to try getting back together?
0hpenelope Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Yup! Like Chinook said, maintain NC again. We slip up sometimes. I did just yesterday. And like you said, it doesn't feel good in the aftermath. The conversation was very nice while it lasted, but after we're done talking.. it's an ugly feeling.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Do you think that her mentioning that she will be lonely is any form of indication that she might want to try getting back together? Nope, I don't think she is interested in getting back together, if you have to ask... she's not interested. If you have to work it out and read signals and signs, she's not interested and she's not worth your time.
stlnsmile Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Awwww...honey, I'm sorry.....your holding onto someone who does not want to be held on to. Obviously she thinks this is funny or something. I mean she can't have a whole lot of respect for your feelings if she talked to you about her new boyfriend, she knows already that you love her....right? I mean she did know that.....I think she's testing the waters to see if you still care about her, cause that feeds her ego. Obviously she is a very insecure person if she needs her ego fed still after having new bf in the picture. He should be feeding her ego enough. Obviously he's not. I just don't think you should talk to her, or hold out hope that she will return. She's thinking only of herself, and def. not of you or your feelings. I know thats painful, but true. My ex did the same crap. Now he's with someone else, and bragging at school about how hot she is. I only know this because my best friend in school happens to be in his class, and he does not know we are friends. I'm not trying to find stuff out anymore. Anyway, I just understand how painful it is and where you are at....but its not worth it.....it not worth it to you, to your heart, to hold on to this. Why do you want someone who is like this? Who could hurt you so bad? She's not worth it. Take care of you, try not to focus on her, what she's thinking, what she wants, what she's doing......go NC again....and take care of you.
Author wonderinwhatsup Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Now that I've talked to her, I hurt so much more now. I was able to hope that the reason she had been contacting me was because she still missed me. Now that I took the IM I have the pleasure of knowing her plans with her new bf for the next month. I never thought this girl would ever try to intentionally hurt me, but now I have my doubts. Why did she tell me those things and why did she tell me that she was going to be lonely this summer?
stlnsmile Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I am so sad for you right now, because I have been exactly where you are. And just a week ago was crying again over the same stuff. I just want to say, that information sometimes can be our worst enemy when trying to heal, thats why not knowing is so important. Thats why NC is so important. As a girl, I will say, that I would never call someone I cared about, who I know is hurting, who might still be in love with me, and tell them about my new boyfriend, and I mean never. The only reason I would do something like that would be to hurt that person. Now why she wants to hurt you I don't know, she may just need mental help, or she may have some reason to believe you wronged her. But in essence, its just wrong all together. To say she's going to be lonely.....she may actaully be so clueless about how what she says might hurt you, what you may think.... by her saying that, that she feels she can say that, oooorrrr, she knows exactly what that will do to you, and thats why she's doing it. Again, not a nice thing to do to someone. I am sorry you hurt, and all I can say is don't talk to her. Not for a long long time. If she ever had good intentions towards you, I assume she knows where your front door is, or how to get intouch with you through a friend......there is no need to ever seek her out again, or contact her again.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I can't believe human beings can be so cold and calculating to hurt someone they love like this by actually telling them about a new boyfriend. But look at all the pain and misery in the world that is caused, all by human beings... so they're pretty much capable of anything. What that means is, she's completely clueless to your pain. That means she doesn't give a damn about you. You need to read this thread. Or if you already found it, re-read it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/
Author wonderinwhatsup Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Of course I've read that, it has helped me do the NC for over a month. I told myself that if she was still contacting me after a month I would hear her out. I DO NOT/HAVE NOT contacted her in a very long time. It's so hard to keep rejecting the call or ignoring the text when theres still a hope in your mind of getting back with someone you love. I imagine most gf's who do the breaking up move and and leave their exes in the past. Why can't she just do me that small favor if she's not gonna come back. Why tease me about a remote possibility in the summer, while telling me how shes going out of town with him over the next few weeks. She has never in our 2 year relationship done anything that I ever felt was directed to cause me pain. We fought a lot towards the end of the relationship, and honestly I don't blame her for breaking up with me. She had been faithful to the best of my knowledge throughout our relationship, so I still do have hope for that "someday". But now she says these things and I try to not believe it, but it seems like she knows it's gonna hurt me, but she still says it.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I imagine most gf's who do the breaking up move and and leave their exes in the past. Why can't she just do me that small favor if she's not gonna come back. Why tease me about a remote possibility in the summer, while telling me how shes going out of town with him over the next few weeks Um, nope that's not true. There are hundreds and hundreds of posts and threads here about partners who have dumped and yet not fully walked away. In fact, it is SO common I almost think it could be part of the 'letting go' cycle. What you're forgetting though is YOU. You need to keep your focus on YOU. You don't need to know what's happening with her - so limit that availability for her to tell you these things. I don't just mean ignoring stuff coming in... I mean REAL no contact. Delete all her mails and messages. Block her number from your phone; block her email and IM addresses; block her from accessing your Myspace/Facebook/Bebo/Whatever account and restrict it to friends only - take her off your friends listing; no passing comments to/from mutual friends; no morse code; no smoke signals; above all lose the hope - recognise what's happening to you. If you hang on to this hope you face MONTHS if not YEARS of pain and torment because at some point she will always get in touch, just to check you still care about her. You don't need that. You can do better than this. Trust me.
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