Author iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 hmmm tricky one DM.. it depends how i look at it, if i look at it in the sense that Saturday is only the second date.. then absolutely i understand her feelings and am willing to work harder and longer.. but i want less nasty emails in the process... if however i look at it in the sense that, man i'm trying hard here and getting nothing back but negativity (which is all her) then i'm going to have to start thinking F.OFF.. I mean yes i made mistakes during our R, but so did she.. and yes i'm willing to try hard to win her back, but only to a certain point.. I don't want to lose too much of who i am for her, i loved her so much, but the colder she gets the less love i have for her.. do you get me?
datingmum Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Well, so long as you're checking your head, you're fine! Loving her less is alot better than feeling pain!
Author iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 yes exactly, that's my plan!!! and it's working (i think).. you know what it's like you get brave, strong moments and weak sad moments.. i'm in the brave strong moment now!.. who know's where i'll be tomorrow.. but the nicer i am to her and the colder she is to me, is beneficial in the sense that the love will fade.. i mean it has to right?! i am not unlucky with girls and i know i will meet someone else one day (i don't want to though ) but i don't want to look back and see that i haven't tried all within my power with this girl, because i really do think she is special.. but as each bad thing she says to me occurs the less special i think she is.. she's at about 99 % special at the moment
datingmum Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 99%. Aw that made me laugh. What you doin on the date then?
Author iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 well i'm taking her horse riding in Hyde Park.. which is certainly different.. and then for some lunch down Portabello Road or a restaurant (not sure i want to overspend this time!).. maybe walk back by the river, a drink or two and that'll be it... home seperately, i will definitaly not stay the night.. One she has made it clear that it wont happen (i've heard that before ) and two, i don't want to... i just want a good night kiss.. but if i don't get even that, then fine.. cross that bridge when it comes to it..
datingmum Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 K. Well sounds good. good luck and keep your head up. tomorrow is thursday, you can make it through! just remember the salsa lady if she starts being weird. or any lady or better yet, remember that you are a cool guy and shouldn't beat yourself up over someone else's issues.
Author iwish Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 thanks DM and thanks everyone else also... Hope to catch up tomorrow DM and you can tell me all your news.. Till then sleep well...
youngbuckkk Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Wish you still don't get it. You need to stop trying to find hidden meanings in her actions and seeing signs of hope when she seems to be clearly taking you along the friend trian with the possibility of fulfilling some physical needs. She's not in love with you!!! Once you accept this and move on things will get better, it may take a while but it will happen. Everytime you come here you post something that gets your hopes up, looking for cues that aren't there, and then when she tells you flat out that those aren't her intentions you break down and go back into sad, obsessive mode. And everytime I tell you that backing off is the right move, yet you still ignore it. It's like you keep throwing your hands in the fire and then wonder why they keep getting burnt. She has made it clear she doesn't wanna be your girl, and the longer you hang around and give her the emotional needs the faster she will find a man who's not gonna crumble over her and then boom, you are out the door. I told you this all yesterday yet you waived it off, when will you learn man.
Author iwish Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 youngbuckk, i'm hearing you i really am.. yes she has done the friends bit by email but she didn't do it to my face... i made it clear to her that i'm not her 'friend' yet she still is coming on Saturday... i don't go the angry sad route with her, i only do that with you guys.. in her eyes i'm Mr bloody confident (trust me) she keeps saying that she's never met anyone more confident (although inside i'm dying).. yes i know that i keep getting burnt, i know that.. but i think, ok.. just one more attempt and then that's it.. i will get too burnt! and maybe i will find another girl and she will crumble... and i wont care.. (you never know!) now i am backing off, i mean i can't cancel Saturday now can i? i'm hoping i can find the strength to do so after this Saturday.. i mean i would've canceled but she wants to go.. and well that's an open door... again i made it clear to her last night to her face, that i'm not going to chase somebody who doesn't want to be chased, that i deserve better than that.. i also made it very clear that i'm not her friend, and will never be.. yet she is still coming on Saturday.. as for her not being in love with me, well that's a fair comment.. i don't believe she will know either way if i keep chasing and chasing (she's taking me for granted big time)... she wont realise what she's missed till it's gone and mate it will be gone, but when i'm ready to go NC for real and the issue i have there is, i'm just never ready.. but the more she pushes the cold route (i mean she doesn't even speak to her 'friends' the way she speaks to me sometims).. the more i'm going to think that this just isn't worth it anymore and i will walk away.. then it will be real NC, and the hope will be gone and i will be in a better place.. hope that makes sense...
Author iwish Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Right an update to my rather horrible situation.. (just venting.) Well i finally snapped! Started the day expecting an email of her highness's height and weight (we agreed the night before).. didn't get it.. Waited until about one and thought sod this, i'll call her!.. so i did.. and guess what she didn't pick up!!! (surprise!!!) so i left a message.. Hey your highness, can you call me please.. nice as pie! she texted though... Hey your highness! Can't call i'm afraid, on my way to a client meeting.. Sorry! What's up? Me.. you shock me! i mean is your memory that bad now? one thing you had to do and you cant even remember! Her.. Oops ok, weight and height, that ok? Only rough and yes my memory's terrible! So i left it.. until about 5.. texted her again.. All sorted for our second date, excited?! NO REPLY!.. I wait and hour and think sod this i'm not a bloody carpet!! So send her another SMS.. Jesus man show me some f'ing respect! I was so angry, i really was.. i mean there's always an excuse to treat me like crap.. you wouldn't treat a dog that bad (in my opinion) i mean i'm making a lot of bloody effort here, organising this and to not respond, pissed me off! Well she replied.. Sorry i was presenting work to everyone, it was hard!! calm down! I am intrigued and nervous! thoughts anyone? Do i cancel or do i go.. i haven't replied yet (she sent that last night, over 8 hours ago) am i being over the top?
Mouldylocks Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yes, you're being over the top. It won't take her long to run for the hills if you carry on with it. I can't see how her not responding to you immediately is disrespecting you, nor can I see any blatant disrespect in her replies to you. She was busy - hardly the crime of the century.
youngbuckkk Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I really felt bad for you for a while, and figured she was a real bitch for leaving you, but the more you continue to show that you can't be a man and function properly without this girl the more I think she was right in leaving. It's like she's your mother or something. You can't go a day without speaking to her, and mere hours without getting a response and some attention from her. She doesn't have reason to show you respect considering you don't seem to respect yourself.
Author iwish Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 thanks guys.. good to get an outside point of view..
datingmum Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 f*cking hell! Ok, it's ALL GOOD! Do not wig out! Repeat DO NOT WIG OUT! x 10 and deep breath...again. She was presenting at work, it's nervewracking and can completely obliterate any thoughts of ANYTHING! I've forgotten to do something for MY CHILDREN when nervous about a work presentation...and it lasts ALL DAY, that tension because you're preparing for it! KEEP YOUR COOL! this is not disrespect, this is NORMAL HUMAN BUSINESS! practice focusing ONLY on the positive in what she said: intruigued and excited and a wink My god, you're so lucky and you don't even see it! Buck up baby!
Author iwish Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 i know, i know DM.. but sometimes i just don't believer her! That's the problem... well i have to contact soon.. are you on PM? i need advice...
youngbuckkk Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 f*cking hell! Ok, it's ALL GOOD! Do not wig out! Repeat DO NOT WIG OUT! x 10 and deep breath...again. She was presenting at work, it's nervewracking and can completely obliterate any thoughts of ANYTHING! I've forgotten to do something for MY CHILDREN when nervous about a work presentation...and it lasts ALL DAY, that tension because you're preparing for it! KEEP YOUR COOL! this is not disrespect, this is NORMAL HUMAN BUSINESS! practice focusing ONLY on the positive in what she said: intruigued and excited and a wink My god, you're so lucky and you don't even see it! Buck up baby! You may think you're helping here, but you really are doing this guy a disservice by filling his head with these irrational thoughts. He needs not try to continue finding hints and meanings and instead learn to not focus on her all the time.
Author iwish Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 youngbuckk is right, i hoped and hoped for something that wasn't there, something i could've worked for.. but it was impossible.. She's pretty much canceled tomorrow! i told her the time it was and she said it was too early.. and i'm like oh .. i then told her where it was and that's it.. I can't force her to reply to that, but i'm walking away and washing my hands of her.. i needed help with the planning, but i wasn't allowed to call her.. the whole situation is wrong and just not fair on me.. Youngbuckk, when i do things with friends i'm allowed to contact them to find out issues and hear their opinions on things... that's not needy, that's to avoid situations like this.. Now i'm moving on, as hard as it's going to be and as sad as i will feel.. there's no respect, there's nothing for me in her head.. i'm not a carpet!
youngbuckkk Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Now let's see how long this lasts. My money says tommorow you will be back here with another bad expereince to tell. Losing all hope is the only way you will find freedom from this woman.
youngbuckkk Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 And by needy I mean things like what you displayed in the convo with her today. Once she says it was too early you respond with a down message and a sad face? What did you think she would think of this? That it would make her feel guilty, change her mind? I bet it's more like, "O god now he's probably gonna be sad all day because I simply said it was too early, here we go again"
datingmum Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Hi there guys Youngbukkk, I guess I thought I was saying the same thing as you in the sense that he needs to stop being so needy/hurt by her responses. It's difficult to be that detached when you're in the "are we/aren't we" phase because we don't see them all the time and what might normally wash over like water becomes a huge focus. I think iwish makes a good point about phoning a friend, but you wouldn't respond to a friend with just an 'oh' and a sad face, you'd simply say "oh, ok. Well what time are you going to be able to be ready for?" and re-jigged the plans. I don't think it's disrespect and I don't think she is disinterested and that there is no hope in this situation. However, I think how it turns out will be dictated by how iwish can control his emotions with her. Not all emotions are good emotions and need expressing. So I suppose youngbukkk is right in saying that iwish, you need to lose her as your primary focus in order to allow you to 'let go' of 'needing' her. Are you on here tonight?
Author iwish Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 And by needy I mean things like what you displayed in the convo with her today. Once she says it was too early you respond with a down message and a sad face? What did you think she would think of this? That it would make her feel guilty, change her mind? I bet it's more like, "O god now he's probably gonna be sad all day because I simply said it was too early, here we go again" No no no, i didn't send that! i'm not letting her know that i'm sad!!! that's for you guys ; )
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