peace_pipe Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 My girlfriend of 8 months went out for some drinks last Friday. We were with some mutual friends and decided at one point to go to different places. Well I went home eventually and I found it kind of odd that she never called that night, but no biggie. The next day she calls me from work. She was having a really bad day at work and said something to the effect of "I've been thinking about things.". She wouldn't be more specific. We make plans to hang out that evening. She no-called, no-showed me. I never called her. On Sunday, she calls me again from work. She didn't have much time to talk, so she said that she would call me later. Well, that never happened. By Sunday evening, I start calling her. No answer at home or on her cell phone. The third time I called, I left a stern message saying "I would be nice to know what my girlfriend is doing." This was about 9 pm. Well, at 1:30 am she finally calls me back. I didn't answer... So the next day she bitches me out about the rude message. I explained to ther that I was upset about her shady behavior. She said that her grandpa was in the hospital (on Sunday) and that is why she did not answer. Now i don't know about you guys, but I would at least call my girl to let her know plans have changed and so that she does not worry. And if someone is in the hospital - I will be calling my girlfriend to let her know what's going on - so she doesn't speculate. So our argument escalated and she said she didn't need a boyfriend. Then she spilled her guts about all of these "reasons" she was unhappy. Most of which had no factual basis. I felt like she was projecting her shortcomings onto me. Mentioning things like spending too much time with friends, when I haven't seen my best friend in over 2 weeks! On the other hand, I always seem to take a backseat to her family.... weird that she doesn't see that. the next day at work she is up in my office being so nice it made me sick! I'm like wait a minute...I'm still not cool with what went down. Well, so our whole issue is that she does not think she did anything wrong here. She refuses to apologize and when I try to talk to her about it she clams up, which makes me even more suspicious of her behavior. I'm trying to communicate with this girl, but she makes it very difficult. It's never going to work like this....
lexi29 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Is no-call no show normal behavior from your girlfriend? Or is she one to always call you? If its new behavior I'd be suspicious. If its normal it just sounds like you are fed up with her. I can't imagine my grandfather being in the hospital and me not telling my boyfriend. I think she is making up excuses.
Legend Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 call her on it, and demand an explanation, if she fails to give you one, start dating others.
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Did you bring up the several other times she failed to call? I'm not so sure that she's lying about something or covering something up - I think more so she's acting a bit selfishly on her end of the relationship. It's time to have a heart to heart and tell her communication only works with two people. Make plans to see her, and when you do let her know whats up and is on your mind.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 erm it looks to me like she was spoiling for a fight to call it over... especially with the sick grandpa... she gets to also play the injured party. I would ignore her and let her go. You don't need games like that in your life where someone manipulates situations around them to bring about a situation they want.
Author peace_pipe Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Did you bring up the several other times she failed to call? I'm not so sure that she's lying about something or covering something up - I think more so she's acting a bit selfishly on her end of the relationship. It's time to have a heart to heart and tell her communication only works with two people. Make plans to see her, and when you do let her know whats up and is on your mind. Yes, I mentioned all of the situations in question. I've tried to make plans to see her 2 days ago (Monday). We were gonna go grab some drinks and talk. She was being all sweet... Then her sister calls and she says she'll call me back. Then she finally calls back an hour later and is like "I'm too drunk to go out." But then proceeds to go to her brother's house with her sister! I told her how messep up I thought it was, and she proceeded then to tell all of these "things" she thought was wrong in the relationship. Then she shows up in my office the next morning being sweet as pie. I wasn't buying. I still wanted to talk about what happened, she didn't -another fight persued. We haven't talked since.... she's off to see her sister in the city and I'm off to visit my folks in the mountains.... I think it's over this time. I really liked this girl but I can't trust her becaus eof this shyt. I'm not backing down and I am not admitting fault here.
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Yes, I mentioned all of the situations in question. I've tried to make plans to see her 2 days ago (Monday). We were gonna go grab some drinks and talk. She was being all sweet... Then her sister calls and she says she'll call me back. Then she finally calls back an hour later and is like "I'm too drunk to go out." But then proceeds to go to her brother's house with her sister! I told her how messep up I thought it was, and she proceeded then to tell all of these "things" she thought was wrong in the relationship. Then she shows up in my office the next morning being sweet as pie. I wasn't buying. I still wanted to talk about what happened, she didn't -another fight persued. We haven't talked since.... she's off to see her sister in the city and I'm off to visit my folks in the mountains.... I think it's over this time. I really liked this girl but I can't trust her becaus eof this shyt. I'm not backing down and I am not admitting fault here. Yeah - if you can't even get her to spend some time with you so you can communicate, there's no point. I think she's being quite selfish. Time to find a girl who thinks about the other person as well in the relationship!
Art_Critic Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I'm not backing down and I am not admitting fault here. Nothing wrong with digging in your heels.. but be prepared for the outcome of clamming up. It sounds to me that you both just need to sit down and hash this out.. there was some miscommunication going on coupled with some defensive behavior when you called her on her actions.. I don't think she is cheating.. but it sounds like she may be avoiding you right now.. After you get back from the mountains why not call her and see if she will do a talk.. of course you could just walk.. but if you think she is worth it then why not try to dig deeper into what is happening.. If her Grandfather did really enter the hospital ans she is close to him she made be acting dodgey because she thinks you are on the outs with her and just doesn't want to deal with it..
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Nothing wrong with digging in your heels.. but be prepared for the outcome of clamming up. It sounds to me that you both just need to sit down and hash this out.. there was some miscommunication going on coupled with some defensive behavior when you called her on her actions.. If she would ever follow through with getting together with him. It's hard to communicate when there's no one to communicate with. I don't think she is cheating.. but it sounds like she may be avoiding you right now.. This I strongly agree with After you get back from the mountains why not call her and see if she will do a talk.. of course you could just walk.. but if you think she is worth it then why not try to dig deeper into what is happening.. If her Grandfather did really enter the hospital ans she is close to him she made be acting dodgey because she thinks you are on the outs with her and just doesn't want to deal with it.. If she isn't willing to make time to talk at this point - move on. She mentioned the grandfather well before they had started really arguing though, and even so - if you're in a serious relationship - it's mature to keep in contact and not leave the SO hanging.
Author peace_pipe Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 If her Grandfather did really enter the hospital ans she is close to him she made be acting dodgey because she thinks you are on the outs with her and just doesn't want to deal with it.. If she was that worried about her GrandFather, she wouldn't be spending the next few days with her sister. I tried to explain to her that all she needed to do was call! I called her Like 4 or 5 times that evening. I simply find it odd that she did not take her cell phone... She just doesn't get why I should be upset after her flaking out 2 days in a row. That's the problem. Now she just sent me an email saying "She obviously never cared for me." as an excuse for her behavior. It just so happens I've heard this one before. Days later she came back and said she didn't mean it. What am I dealing with here? A discussion about a 5 minute phone call turned into this?
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 What am I dealing with here? Mind games. When did this behavior start?
Author peace_pipe Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Mind games. When did this behavior start? It's been off an on. Sometimes she sticks to her word, othertimes not so much. There was a time about 2 months back where she did a similar thing. I was trying to call her to see if she was coming over and she was ignoring my calls getting drunk with her sister and her "friend" all night. Then the next day she freaked out because I had left her a message with an angry tone. I don't trust this girl. If you don't have anything to hide then what's the big deal about calling someone?
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 It's been off an on. Sometimes she sticks to her word, othertimes not so much. There was a time about 2 months back where she did a similar thing. I was trying to call her to see if she was coming over and she was ignoring my calls getting drunk with her sister and her "friend" all night. Then the next day she freaked out because I had left her a message with an angry tone. I don't trust this girl. If you don't have anything to hide then what's the big deal about calling someone? Move on - you can do better then this. You obviously show more respect in a relationship then she does!
Author peace_pipe Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 I agree with this. It's good to hear confirmation. I feel a little possessive freaking out about her behavior. I was starting to wondering if I am just insecure or what! The weird this is that things will be great for a few weeks at a time, then this will happen all over again. And yes, it is very difficult to try to talk to her when she gets so defensive. All of these things combined point to something really bad, at least in my mind. All it would take is a talk with her to qualm my speculations. But she ain't talking. She wants to smile and forget it.
dreamergrl Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 It's good to hear confirmation. I feel a little possessive freaking out about her behavior. I was starting to wondering if I am just insecure or what! The weird this is that things will be great for a few weeks at a time, then this will happen all over again. And yes, it is very difficult to try to talk to her when she gets so defensive. All of these things combined point to something really bad, at least in my mind. All it would take is a talk with her to qualm my speculations. But she ain't talking. She wants to smile and forget it. She doesn't know what she wants, but she knows she wants to hang onto you just in case.
Chinook Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Well for what it's worth too... this relationship has a few other red flags which would have me running a mile. Everyone knows relationships have their ups and downs and you get through them. But this thing with the silent treatment and then having a hissy fit when you ask about it... that's classic controlling, manipulative behaviour... to what end, who knows. To be brutally honest with you, I don't see that having a talk with her is going to solve much either because she seems to be a person of a cyclical behaviour pattern... so you'll have your talk and you will voice your concerns and things will settle down for a little while... but then before too long... things will be back to square one. If this were me, even without the hissy fits, I'd be off and running. You don't need this drama in your life, let alone be the one taking the blame for it from her.
StartingOver07 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Peace, isn't this the same woman you broke up with a couple of months ago when she suddenyl announced she didn't love you and never had? The one with the clingy sister? And the ex injail or something like that? These issues don't appear to be more of the "same ole, same ole." Why did you get back together with her? Was there some mutual agreement that things would be different? I'm confused.
Author peace_pipe Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Peace, isn't this the same woman you broke up with a couple of months ago when she suddenyl announced she didn't love you and never had? The one with the clingy sister? And the ex injail or something like that? These issues don't appear to be more of the "same ole, same ole." Why did you get back together with her? Was there some mutual agreement that things would be different? I'm confused. Yes, this is that same woman. We did have a mutual agreement at that time. We talked about a lot of stuff. Things were pretty good since then until lately. We tried to stay apart but we just couldn't. She said that she never meant the whole "I never cared" statement at that time. Now, here it is again. Last night I found out a new detail and it's not a good one. I logged into MySpace for the first time in a long time and decided to check her site while I was there. Well, guess what? She has a new friend! It's another dude that we both work with. Then I went over to his page to see this comment she left: "Hey Brad! How the heck r ya? I saw this snoopy comic and thought of you... I wish I could get my party on tonight but damn it I did that last night and have been paying for it all day...I guess I'll have to wait for Monday night..C-ya at work you slick salesman you..." The snoopy comic reads: "I'm bringing sexy back." So there's the answer to our problems (I think). This was dated March 1st. I don't know what to think. When I saw that, all I could think about is her nearly ruining an evening for me glancing at a strange girl. Somehow this is okay? Now I am not trying to hate on this guy, but I didn't care for him from day one. He has got to be the cockiest womanizing jerk I've ever met. Talking to anyone who will listen at work about f'ing strippers, this girl, that girl, all of the details in a bragging fashion AT WORK. So I called her and left a angry message. I wasn't myself, that's for sure. Well about an hour later she starts calling back obsessively. I answered once: Her - "What did I do to you that was so bad?" Me - "I could think of a couple of things, sweetie" Her - "Why are you calling me sweetie?" Me - "Just for spite, really." Her - "That's f'ed up." Me - "One good f up deserves another." Then she hangs up and calls back every 5 minutes for the next hour. I didn't answer anymore. I woke up this morning and puked 4 times. The more I think about it, the more I want to puke again. I never thought people like this existed...
StartingOver07 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Peace, you are in a really bad cycle with this women. It's all very well and good that she said she never meant it when she said she didn't love you but, honestly, unless she is under the age of 10, it speaks volumes that she would make this sort of statement (especially if she didn't mean it). And now she's firting (or more) with a co-worker. You can try to shift your anger to him, but she's the one who has a loyalty to you. she's the one breaking your trust. So you can either deal with some short-term pain and end things for real, or you can continue in this feedback loop of negative reinforcement, which will surely bring you greater pain in the end. You seem like an ok guy. Why do you have a pattern of pursuing women who are so unsuitable?
Author peace_pipe Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) And now she's firting (or more) with a co-worker. You can try to shift your anger to him, but she's the one who has a loyalty to you. she's the one breaking your trust. I do blame her. I didn't care for the dude since day 1, so I don't see it as shifting blame. I feel like if she's going to cheat, at least upgrade! Damn. He has on his profile that he earns 100k to 150k a year. I run the reports for this company and he ain't even close. This is the kind of thing that I don't like about this cat. Of course she gets the blame, but he deserves some to, especially knowing that she has a boyfriend. My point was he is a POS with or without her involved and it makes me take a long, hard look at her choices. Edited April 3, 2008 by peace_pipe
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 It sounds like she is checking out, if she was even fully checked in to begin with. Brace yourself, I don't see it getting much better than it already is - in fact it sounds like it will get worse.
Author peace_pipe Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 It sounds like she is checking out, if she was even fully checked in to begin with. Brace yourself, I don't see it getting much better than it already is - in fact it sounds like it will get worse. She's not fully checked-in upstairs if you know what I mean. And I can't wait for the next round of drama. The phone maybe coming out of the wall....
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 She's not fully checked-in upstairs if you know what I mean. And I can't wait for the next round of drama. The phone maybe coming out of the wall.... So, what is stopping you from ending the drama by ending the relationship? Not trying to be snarky, just curious.
StartingOver07 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I do blame her. I didn't care for the dude since day 1, so I don't see it as shifting blame. I feel like if she's going to cheat, at least upgrade! Damn. He has on his profile that he earns 100k to 150k a year. I run the reports for this company and he ain't even close. This is the kind of thing that I don't like about this cat. Of course she gets the blame, but he deserves some to, especially knowing that she has a boyfriend. My point was he is a POS with or without her involved and it makes me take a long, hard look at her choices. Ok, Peace, but this is a red herring. If he was a rich Prince Charming who had no idea she had a bf, this wouldn't make it any better. She'd still be acting inappropriately. That's all I meant when I said it doesn't pay to be concerned about him; she is the problem here. There is always going to be someone taller, smarter, richer, better looking, etc. You want a gf who is happy with and committed to you, not one who seeks the attention of other men, no matter what the reason.
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