total shock

[marie222]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm completely new to posting here. Been reading and know someone here will understand!

I just found out my exboyfriend was cheating while we were together...not totally surprised at that if I'm honest. I would say he cheated with quite a few women, but at the time I was nieve and didn't want to believe it.

 

But I am shocked to learn that he had a thing with a woman I knew as a friend. At the time she had two children and a partner. I liked her. We were all friends.

Anyway its now come out that the second child is my exboyfriends!!! I'm stunned!! loads of lies and cover up.

I've since moved away and so do not see her around anymore so I can't go round and confront her.

 

Her partner doesn't know either, as far as I know. He's brought the child up thinking it to be his own.

The deceit is overwhelming. One minute I feel so angry, betrayed, disbelieving.

We broke up "co-incidentally" when the child was born. I had no idea at all what the real reason was. He let me believe something completely different was the cause of the break up. She even felt sorry for me!

 

How do you move on from a betrayal like this?

Marie

[sally4sara]

I know most people will tell you its not your business anymore, but I'd feel an urge to let the guy who thinks it's his kid know about it. I can't stand it when I know a guy is being taken for a ride like that. If she is a cheat AND not being safe when she is cheating, they will most likely split up eventually. When that happens, he will end up paying child support for the kid he should be responsible for as well as the one he shouldn't be. Lets hope he doesn't have to deal with a life long STD while doing it.

Or you could tell him and let him avoid being that guy.

People will tell you that doing something that might split them up will effect the kids. But since there is a real chance they won't last anyway...lets look at it from the perspective of what is in the kid's best interest.

One guy paying the child support for two. This means the child support will get stretched across two kids. If one kid means say $400 a month, it doesn't mean two will be $800. So the kid's needs will be budgeted and all so this woman can save face. If both fathers are being responsible for their kids, they will both be getting the full benefit of the one child amount. I understand that means the mother will get more income generated, but the quality of life for each child will be better. If a woman like that has to struggle too much financially, she will seek another unwitting guy to shack up with for financial benefits and he won't necessarily be chosen for any reason other than that. More instability for the kids to live in; Yay! Plus, if the father of the first child knows about the cheating, he stands a better chance of getting custody of his kid than he would without that info.

[TheFonz]

I know most people will tell you its not your business anymore, but I'd feel an urge to let the guy who thinks it's his kid know about it. I can't stand it when I know a guy is being taken for a ride like that. If she is a cheat AND not being safe when she is cheating, they will most likely split up eventually. When that happens, he will end up paying child support for the kid he should be responsible for as well as the one he shouldn't be. Lets hope he doesn't have to deal with a life long STD while doing it.

Or you could tell him and let him avoid being that guy.

People will tell you that doing something that might split them up will effect the kids. But since there is a real chance they won't last anyway...lets look at it from the perspective of what is in the kid's best interest.

One guy paying the child support for two. This means the child support will get stretched across two kids. If one kid means say $400 a month, it doesn't mean two will be $800. So the kid's needs will be budgeted and all so this woman can save face. If both fathers are being responsible for their kids, they will both be getting the full benefit of the one child amount. I understand that means the mother will get more income generated, but the quality of life for each child will be better. If a woman like that has to struggle too much financially, she will seek another unwitting guy to shack up with for financial benefits and he won't necessarily be chosen for any reason other than that. More instability for the kids to live in; Yay! Plus, if the father of the first child knows about the cheating, he stands a better chance of getting custody of his kid than he would without that info.

 

 

I totally agree, this guy needs to know. Your cheating EX should be supporting his own child and not some innocent guy who's been cheated on and deceived.