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We're on a break. His friend likes me, I think I might like him.

mint_tea

By mint_tea
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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mint_tea Member

mint_tea

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Help!!!!!!

 

Bf of 9 months, we're on a break for the next 5 weeks.

 

His friend wants me to break up with him because he doesn't treat me the way I deserve. He's even said SO is a d-bag (to me, not to my SO). The friend treats me like a princess. For example, he and I went to a party last weekend and I got *really* drunk. He took me back to his house (I was staying the night anyway so it's not like he was taking advantage of me), got me some water, took my shoes off, and tucked me into bed. We slept in his bed, but nothing happened except that apparently I was trying to cuddle with him a lot. Another time I stayed the night and he tried to verbally distract me from the issues with SO, and gave me a *great* back massage. These are all things my SO has never done for me in the 9 months we've been together.

 

He's much more mature and intelligent than my SO. But I still care about the SO and can't see myself without him. I'm holding out that he misses me and it's only a matter of time before we're together again. But I also want to see what's out there. It's just hard because this guy is my SO's friend, not just a random dude.

 

Advice???

MalachiX Established Member

MalachiX

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I don't know how you feel about your SO but I don't know if I'd say this guy is neccesarily prince charming. As a guy, I can say he's pretty clearly trying to steel you from your boyfriend and get you into bed. He's sly about it and he may really want to be with you and make something out of this but it's not like he's totally selfless about this stuff. If he was, he would have slept on the couch or floor when you were in the bed. He would have just talked to you and not moved to back-rub territory.

Bobby.Roy Established Member

Bobby.Roy

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I don't know how you feel about your SO but I don't know if I'd say this guy is neccesarily prince charming. As a guy, I can say he's pretty clearly trying to steel you from your boyfriend and get you into bed.

 

Exactly!! That is what even i think..

dfreeman Established Member

dfreeman

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...after his ex-friend kicks his ass?

Chanke4252 Member

Chanke4252

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I'd probably steer clear, it sounds like bad news. They will no longer be friends, and your ex will probably kick his ass depending on what kind of a guy he is, and the friend will probably resent you when you are done with him for coming between him and his friend (hell, he might resent you before you guys are done). It sounds silly, but that's how guys are about their friendships. You should really evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend before you start thinking about this other guy, that is if you have ANY respect for your boyfriend. From a guy's standpoint the whole swinging from one guy to another without ever breaking up with one till you have another on the leash is COMPLETELY disrespectful and TOTALLY unnecessary, and I KNOW you know what I am talking about.

 

It does sound like his friend is really pressing the situation though. Guys just don't throw out back rubs to be nice, unless you are in public or something, because they know what the implication is when you are alone. If he is this way with his friend (underhanded) then, guess what, he's completely capable of being the same way with you. Red flag. These situations are dirty, and not nearly as pure or well-intentioned as you might think that they are.

 

So unless you are ok turning them against each other AND yourself I would probably steer clear. If you are ok about that happening, well, then you should probably steer clear because you are the destroyer.

 

There are other fish in the sea that you can meet through cleaner methods that aren't accompanied by all the red flags and the assurance that you will destroy their other relationships/life for the sake of your short-term amusement.

 

Why people insist on leaving destruction in their wake and knowingly wreaking havoc on other people's lives for the sake of a 3 month amusement or something ridiculous like that is beyond me.

Chanke4252 Member

Chanke4252

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I'd probably steer clear, it sounds like bad news. They will no longer be friends, and your ex will probably kick his ass depending on what kind of a guy he is, and the friend will probably resent you when you are done with him. You should really evaluate your relationship with your boyfriend before you start thinking about this other guy, that is if you have ANY respect for your boyfriend. From a guy's standpoint the whole swinging from one guy to another without ever breaking up with one till you have another on the leash is COMPLETELY disrespectful and TOTALLY unnecessary, and I KNOW you know what I am talking about.

 

It does sound like his friend is really pressing the situation though. Guys just don't throw out back rubs to be nice, unless you are in public or something, because they know what the implication is when you are alone. If he is this way with his friend (underhanded) then, guess what, he's completely capable of being the same way with you. Red flag. These situations are dirty, and not nearly as pure or well-intentioned as you might think that they are.

 

So unless you are ok turning them against each other AND yourself I would probably steer clear. If you are ok about that happening, well, then you should probably steer clear because you are the destroyer.

 

There are other fish in the sea that you can meet through cleaner methods that aren't accompanied by all the red flags and the assurance that you will destroy their other relationships/life for the sake of your short-term amusement.

 

Why people insist on leaving destruction in their wake and knowingly wreaking havoc on other people's lives for the sake of a 3 month amusement or something ridiculous like that is beyond me.

Chinook Established Member

Chinook

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This guy is waiting in the wings. He's also very definitely trying to influence the situation so that things go his way. Now... things like this happen all the time. But, what you have to think about is, would you want for a partner someone who is capable of doing this to a best friend...? Would YOU in fact, do this to your best girl-friend...? I think not. Proceed with caution.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, how good of friends are these guys really?

 

One option is to see how he likes it in the FZ and date "some random dude" during your hiatus. Supportive male friends are nice to have. I know, since I was one for decades :D

 

So, is your SO a DB? If yes, why do you see a future with him?

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mint_tea Member

mint_tea

Posted
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What does FZ and DB mean...???

carhill Established Member

carhill

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FZ = friend zone

 

DB = douche bag

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mint_tea Member

mint_tea

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Yes, he is a DB - he broke up with me today.

MalachiX Established Member

MalachiX

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Yes, he is a DB - he broke up with me today.

 

Perhaps because you were sleeping in the same bed as his friend and letting him give you backrubs?

Chanke4252 Member

Chanke4252

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Perhaps because you were sleeping in the same bed as his friend and letting him give you backrubs?

 

sounds like a good guess to me

vivrantflo Established Member

vivrantflo

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Wow, you have to be young.. there's no way you're over 20 years old...

 

Good for your ex. He is smart enough to dump a woman that sleeps in the same bed as his boys..

 

By the way, your ex's "friend" there, is about 10 times the douche bag you claim your ex to be..

 

Who moves in on his boy's woman?? While they are still together?? What a creep @sshole...

 

Anywho, now that you're single, you can now "see whats out there"..

and for future reference.. if you're not happy in a relationship and u have no desire to work it out... let him go. And sleeping with/massaging/flirting with men in your bf's social circle isn't a great idea either..

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mint_tea Member

mint_tea

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He didn't even know that I slept in his bed!! It had nothing to do with him breaking up with me.

 

He said he doesn't want to be tied down and that he can't make time for me, so stop blaming me.

 

And for whoever asked, I'm 19.

 

Geez.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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Sounds pretty normal. I'd ring up his friend and see if he wants to hang out. He sounds like a fun guy and I'll bet you're not interested in a GF/BF R right now anyway, especially since BF broke up with you. Enjoy some time with someone familiar whom you apparently get on with. His R with your ex is something he'll have to resolve (like the hanging with the ex's former GF part).

 

Good luck! :)

Prosecco Established Member

Prosecco

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Maybe I have an over-active moral gland... but as I blather on a LOT here - friendship is important to me.

 

How someone treat's their friends is a good display of their character. He's nice to you now, but he's basically betrayed his mate. So he's not really that nice a person, is he.

 

I would be flattered, but wouldn't get involved. There are lots of blokes out there to play with that wont open such a can of worms.

Marin Member

Marin

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Good riddance to the boyfriend! A guy who allows himself to be "on a break" with his girlfriend doesn't love his girlfriend.

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