fabvrs Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) Right, i dont usually do this kind of thing, but i dont want to mess this up and i want some sort of impartial advice from people that arent worried about hurting my feelings or telling me the honest truth. Okies, iv been speaking to a girl on line for quite a few months, maybe 5 or so. This girl has come out of a longish relationship about 2 months ago, and about the same time the same happened to me. About a week ago we decided to meet up, she lives about 3 hours from me. We met up and it went very well, better then i expected, excuse the gory details but we had sex everynight i saw her (3 nights). When i came back i think i was a bit caught up in the moment and spoke to her online and asked her if she wanted to start seeing each other more regularly. She said she liked me, but that her head was a bit messed up at the moment and she didnt know what she wanted. But that she wanted to meet again, just not make any plans. Reading between the lines i still think she thinks about her ex alot. Anyways I left it at the that, then the next night it was playing on my mind how we got on so well, and how keen she came across as, so again i got a wee bit carried away and said, look can you tell me if you actually like me otherwise il just forget about it. Again she said yeah she did, and that she thinks we will meet up again, just not to rush into actually planning a date for it. Since we speak to each other every day, and she shows signs of liking me, ie she gets jealous whenever i mention my ex, and shes also said that she would be annoyed if i got with someone else. So since iv kind of backed off pushing for answers, but its really playing on my mind and shes giving nothing away. So i was just on the verge of writing another message to her, basically outlining that i do like her, but want her to be honest and tell me, does she feel the same but just want time and space, or does she not want anything, or does she just want to be mates the occasionally have sex. I didnt send it because deep down i think that if i play hard to get and not contact her, her views might change and she would actually start running to me more. What do you think, do you think i should stop messaging her first, and ignore her (play hard to get), and not send this email asking for her feelings? il also know if she doesnt message me that shes not interested. iv always played her a bit hard to get, and its only since i started making my feelings since meeting her known has she gotten a little more distant Bear in mind this is always on my mind so im after the best way of it easing my mind, and/or getting the honest answer out of her, i dont mind giving her time and space, just want to know if she definatly feels the same way and if there might be any kind of future thanks Edited April 2, 2008 by fabvrs
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Here's what I think: 1) Having sex with the girl early on when she is still pining for her exboyfriend wasn't the smartest thing to do was it? She was no doubt thinking of her ex-boyfriend as you banged her like a wrecking ball to a wall for the first three nights. 2) You've rushed into things head first, I like this approach providing the girl/boy hasn't come out of a serious relationship recently, you don't lay all your cards on the table so soon. You're too available and to a girl who is still pining over her ex-boyfriend. 3) You forcing her to be honest when she isn't in the right state of mind won't help matters and she won't answer any of your questions. Her getting jealous is strange, but then most women are strange to some degree, I have no doubt she likes you to some degree, and wheb she's ready for a relationship she could approach you, but are you prepared to wait around and possibly get placed in the friend zone if someone 'better' comes to light? It could be months, and life is too short to hang around waiting for the unknown. 4) Games are for children, are you a child? If you are by all means play the hard to get game, but it won't do you any good in the long term and you'll get burnt by it eventually and when she cops on to you using her vulnerability against her to improve your chances. 5) Why don't you try and concentrate on other things in your life, besides this girl? Is your life really that lacklustre that you spend a lot of your time thinking about this? I don't believe that it is wise for you to be over-analyzing and over-thinking this. I'd put her on the backburner and think about other things to spend your time doing.
Author fabvrs Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) haha i like point one i dont normally get affected by girls to this degree, i thin kits more to do with the fact shes playing these games on my like you say. im quite happy to put it on a back burner id just rather know first, otherwise i might be missing out on an opportunity but yeah i think your right, i think il just leave it, if she gets in contact with me then so be it Edited April 2, 2008 by fabvrs
Cov Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I read your letter and it sounds very sincere and it was full of emotion, this is great, but it is far too soon. It will no doubt strike the wrong chord with her and that will not help you develop a relationship with her in the future. If she is playing games then is she really worth it? I find women like her immature and I certainly wouldn't waste my time with her, no doubt you'll feel differently about this. Even if you put her on the backburner you won't be missing any opportunities, just don't invest all your banknotes into one stockmarket, incase it crashes. Just let nature take its course with this one, and who knows you could meet someone who doesn't have LTR baggage and is really into you.
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