severe relationship issues--in depth. H-E-L-P!

[luckyinlove]

So I just posted about my mood swings on my birth control.

 

But, there's more to the situation that I'd like to get figured out.

 

During the argument my boyfriend and I had the other night he said a lot of hurtful things and I'm wondering what may be going through his head.

 

1.) He told me that I'm smothering him (although I've just been going about doing things how we've been used to. As in, hanging out pretty much everynight. But, most of the time it had been by his invitation. It wasn't until recently that it started becoming a problem to him).

 

2.) He says I'm "no longer pleasable." I guess he feels as though no matter what he does I will never be content. Which isn't true at all, I love him dearly and I've tried telling him that. This is where I think the birth control/mood swings come in. I start freaking out over little disappointments when normally I'd just let it go.

 

3.) He also things I'm "trying to start drama all the time." Which, I'm positive also has to do with the birth control/mood swings.

 

4.) One of the most hurtful things he said was that he used to hang out with me as a stress reliever, and that he was always looking forward to spending time with me, now it's become a hassle.

 

Those were the big ones, but he also said that we "HAD" something good, as in past tense, but he just doesn't know anymore. And, while arguing told me not to touch him and that he needed to get away from me. He then told me I was being stupid by not leaving.

 

I confronted him and told him that maybe we should just split up if things are as bad as he's saying they are. Upon doing so he told me that I'm being very pessimistic, that I need to realize that people have arguments and get over them. He says he wants to stay together, but I just don't know how i can believe him when he'd said all those other contradictory things.

 

I saw him today during a class we're taking together, and we acted as if we were friends. Held a normal conversation, even hung out during our 15 minute break. When we were leaving though, he barely even said goodbye, and when I tried to give him a little peck he accepted, but wasn't very enthusiastic.

 

UGH. Can anyone help me? What can I do to get my wonderful relationship back, if anything? What is going through his head? Do I have a chance?

[Groovy]

If your in school it sounds like I might be a bit older. But here's my take on it...it's not meant to be if he can't stand by your side with a few moods swings.

 

As women we get knocked up, we get PMS, we go on birth control......so many things throw off our hormones and make us.....well women. When I went on birth control I had my period for 3 weeks heavy, cried and yelled at my boyfriend he convinced me to go off it and I went to the diaphraghm which worked out beautifully. But through it all he stood by me and never denied his feelings. Even when I was a screaming psycho mixed with crying spells he was with me. Because love is about accepting the good and the bad which we never know which will come.

 

It takes two to tango is a saying for a reason. You can't make a relationship on your own. My advice is to get off birth control and take to your doctor about other options. Everyone's hormone levels are different and it's not for everyone! I tried it three times and gave up due to health issues. It helps some and others it doesn't.

 

If this man is worth it he will be there when your not at your best. Try to look at what your getting out of this as well......

[Advocate's Devilette]

I think if you want to bring his feelings back to where they were, your best bet is to give him space. Don't hang out with him everyday. Don't call him very often. Let him call you. He pretty much stated straight out "Hey, I am feeling smothered here." So that means he needs space and time away from you.

I don't know about the birth control issues but it could be that you are getting emotional because you are feeling him pull away and it is frustrating you and you are pushing more and more, so to speak, as he pulls away.

You two are young and I don't want to see you waste a lot more time during your wonderful college years getting so emotionally upset over this guy.

Go out and pursue other interests, make other friends! It upsets me to see you so upset when the world is your oyster. If only I could be your age and be in your situation.

But the bottom line is....he wants time away from you to do his thing. He is young and in college also, so he wants to explore other interests and his world isn't going to be wrapped around you.

Give him space, spend several days, a week apart! Make him miss you! Let him call and don't be able to pick up because you're out having fun!

[luckyinlove]

To clear things up, we're both 21. We're taking a college course together.

 

And, I understand, the "needing someone to stand by me even when things get rough" thing. Believe me, it's crossed my mind before. But, at the same time I've looked at things through his eyes. And, I am very hurtful to him sometimes.

 

He has offered me help, he's suggested I get off the pills, and I repeatedly make things worse. When I do really need him, he is there for me, its the stupid things that push him away. He's spent so many hours talking me down while I've been balling, and I think I've just exhausted him.

 

But, I am looking for opinions as to what I can do, and perhaps as to what is going through his head. I love him SO very much, and as far as he's told me he cares about me, and still speaks about our future together. I just need help getting through this rough patch. I need some support guys!

[luckyinlove]

Thanks, I'm trying to give him his space. I haven't called him the past few days, and have only seen him during class. I did instant message him to ask if he was feeling better (he was sick during the day), but that was it. He's made no contact with me.

 

UGH, this is so hard for me. We were inseparable for so long, not just on my part either.

 

I guess I'm just worried that he won't miss me, and will realize it. Like I said, I'm sooo fearful of losing him. I just want to put this all in the past and go back to how things were.

 

I don't understand how one day I can be everything he's ever asked for and more, the woman he wants a future with, etc. to someone he can't stand being around, but still wants to be with?

[dreamergrl]

I think a lot of what he may be saying is out of frustration. He doesn't know how to deal with the mood swings.

 

Give him some cooling off time, get to your doctor to find a better bc - get off of what you are on - and then talk to him. Let him know you've been to the doc to get a better handle on things and to switch your pill.

[DanielMadr]

He was angry. Now hen he is not, he is telling you it is OK. But that mood swings have to stop. He wants that happy girl besides him. Get of a pill. He is fine with you. Calm down......spit out that pill now...come on.

[Advocate's Devilette]

I have been on otho novum 1/35 for years and I don't notice mood swings.