My head is messed

[No use for a name]

Hi,

 

About a year and a half ago I ended an 8 year relationship. We thought we were going to be married...but things didn't work out and we grew apart. Things weren't all bad and I don't like to bad mouth but it was pointed out to me by several different people that she wasn't always very nice to me. So it worked out for the best it seems. I don't regret it and feel that I learned a lot from it. Anyways, 6 months after that relationship ended I started dating again. I found someone who seemed very genuine and an over all good person. Things went very well and we seemed to be a great match. After a few months of dating she out of the blue said she wasn't ready for a relationship right then. I told her I understood and that I appreciated her honesty and time that we had spent together. Over the next few months she kept contacting me and we would get together off and on again. It was very confusing. She would call me when she had nothing better to do and I would either go hang with her or invite her out to hang with me and some friends. Eventually she moved out of state and I never saw her after that. Again, this was probably for the best. She was clearly using me. It has been 7 months since then and I've really just wanted to work on my career. But, when you least expect it romance can come back into your life. I have met someone new and we have been seeing each other a bit here and there over the last month. She seems great and we have a ton in common. She also seems to like me as much as I like her but there is one thing. I now of this horrible feeling of dread. I never got this before. I have this fear that out of the blue one day she just might up and say, "I'm all set with you now," for what seems like no reason. I think my head is messed up from the last woman I dated. I really liked her and felt a connection and she seemed to feel the same about me but then she suddenly broke it off. I'm just worried it will happen all over again with this new girl. I have also made sure that I give her breathing room and am in no way clingy. Just to be sure that isn't the problem. I guess I'm not really sure why I am even writing this and don't really know what to expect for answers but it feels good to just get it out there. Thanks for listening.

[trigger]

I had the same problem with this last guy I dated.

 

For the first time I was terrified getting close to someone, because I was badly hurt a few months prior by one of those "not ready for a relationship" people.

 

Before this, I have always been able to enter something with an open heart.

 

But then with this last guy we DID get really close, but then it turned he was another rebounding confused man.... pretty much exactly what I was afraid of.

 

Some may say something about "self-fulfilling prophecy", I guess. But maybe it was just bad luck.

 

Anyway, I would just say take it very very slowly and don't get totally attached too soon. Allow the trust to build. Try not to be mistrustful unless you actually have a good reason for it.

[No use for a name]

Yeah I do realize that she is not the same person and that I need to give it a chance. Some days are easier than others. And, we couldn't possibly be moving any slower.