Author trigger Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Yesterday, through creative googling, I found out he is 39, not 36 like he told me, and not 35 like his current profile says. So there is yet another lie. Amazing. So yeah, instead of hiding out and getting severely depressed like I always do, I have been using all this anger and energy to up sales in my business and finally go out and form a new band. I made a promise to myself in January that 2008 is MY year and that I will give NOTHING AND NO ONE the power to ruin it for me. End of story. I have this thought at the back of my head always, with everything I do. This is how I am able to carry on. Though it's kind of a competition, I am loathe to admit, because I know he is trying to form a new one, too. I want to beat him and taking over the music scene here. (Though he is really good. But so am I. ) Though I do want my drive to continue even after this anger has subsided.
Author trigger Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Why do I keep attracting rebound guys? Sometimes I feel I should make myself as ugly as possible, because I think maybe guys see me and get some kind of idea....or see me as an idea...and then they realize I am a nice, honest, kind, smart, loving person and not really rebound material and then they run away.
Author trigger Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 ****. Suddenly I feel really messed up and extremely angry right now. I really want to send him an email detailing why he is scum. I really do. I don't want him to get away with being a ****hole. It burns me up that he thinks he got away with everything and that he thinks I care for him. Would this be a horrible idea (i'm sure you'll say it probably is)? Please tell me why this is a terrible idea before I actually go ahead and do it. Please.
underpants Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 ****. Suddenly I feel really messed up and extremely angry right now. I really want to send him an email detailing why he is scum. I really do. I don't want him to get away with being a ****hole. It burns me up that he thinks he got away with everything and that he thinks I care for him. Would this be a horrible idea (i'm sure you'll say it probably is)? Please tell me why this is a terrible idea before I actually go ahead and do it. Please. It is a bad idea because it will show him just that....that you do still care. Any attention (positive or negative) is attention, some people revel in this. What you can do (what I did) was to make a list of all the crappy things the person did. Along with a list of the good characteristics. In my case the bad FAR outweighed the good (it was a landslide). However, in moments where I wanted to give him a piece of my mind I would refer to that list and realize that he was not worth it. I also marked my calendar and promised myself not to contact him for a period of time ...no matter what. This did backfire on me as in time he began to contact me. However, I would look at that list and realize that he was not someone I wanted in my life. Although, I was still hurting and I did not have anyone else. I knew better then to get involved (on any level) with someone with such disregard for others. I'm sorry that you got burned by a liar. He is 39? Wait, is that lie 9 or 10? ...like you said..."amazing". At 39, this is just who this guy is. You see it now, there is no unknowing this. Use that pain and make some great music. I have many past art projects spawned from a broken heart. Channel that creativity and make something great. Turn the negative into a postive. I have faith in your ability to rise above it all. You sound too strong not too.
marlena Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) Sometimes it's hard to tell if the lies are lies, or just my own paranoia, without having proof, you know? No, it isn't your paranoia. It is your intelligence which you are grossly disregarding in your overwhelming, albeit very human need, to love and be loved. To need does not mean to be "needy." This is a very typical online scenario. He is a player, have no doubt, and a very seasoned one at that. He is also a very mentally disturbed human being. Anyone who is an adult but continues to act like a teenager has huge issues. Do not try to glorify him by fooling yourself into believing he is "alternative." He is as common as they come. A dime a dozen. I am truly sorry this has happened to you. Chalk it up to experience and refuse to let him into your life again. UNLESS this is the kind of thing you like. If it is, then, if I were you, I would have some very serious issues with myself. Edited April 4, 2008 by marlena
shadowplay Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) I find it REALLY insulting when people throw people into groups. Like all musicians have severe problems and are douchebags and are overgrown teenagers and terrible people and whatnot. Saying this is F*CKED and reeeeaaaally judgmental. Sure, many musicians are often dumb and egotistical retards. I don't date dumb egotistical retards. This guy was actually the first musician I have dated. This is also very insulting because I AM A ROCK MUSICIAN MYSELF. And I am not a douchebag or an idiot and no where near a terrible person. I am responsible and kind and not a drug addict. I barely even drink. I have my share of issues, sure, but they are not any different than what "normal" people have. So do not say stuff like "don't date musicians, don't date "alternative" types, don't date bartenders". It is so juvenile, and points to perhaps a chip on your shoulder. And it INSULTS ME. Putting down groups of people is NOT that different than saying "all black people are this" or "all women are that". Very non-constructive. I didn't say ALL rock musicians are that way. It's just that if you took a random sample of rock musicians compared with a random sample of people with more normal jobs, the first group would likely have greater problems on average. You can always find exceptions but they will be fewer and farther between. And I was mainly referring to the larger group of guys who could be termed "alterna" or whatever, not specifically rock stars. You may be doing yourself a disservice by fishing in a contaminated pool. There's a big difference between generalizing about a group of people with a certain profession and an ethnic group. The difference is that people in an ethnic group didnt choose to be in that group, they were simply born in to it. While people do pick a profession, so that has more of a correlation with personality type. It's self-selecting. Personally, I sometimes gravitate toward creative guys as well. I like artists, musicians and writers. But I'm wary of guys who base their whole identity off being alternative. You know the type: he has a lot of tattoos or piercings, takes self-conscious pictures of himself on myspace and dresses like a teenager. To me that suggests his is choosing his creative profession more for inclusion in a "cool," outsider clique than a real passion for the profession itself. Of course a guy like that would fiercely deny it to protect his cred. And somebody who is so hung up on identity and acceptance past adolescence/early adulthood is bound to have other problems. A guy of 36 who is still hung up on being cool and the center of attention strikes me as immature and underdeveloped. A guy who wants to be a rock star often craves a lot of attention and has an outsized ego. The same is often true of actors. That's not even touching on the amount of drugs and other vices prevelant in entertainment culture. Again, I'm not saying this is true for ALL rockstars/actors/alterna guys -- just many in my observation. I'm sorry if I offended you. Edited April 4, 2008 by shadowplay
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