MalachiX Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 My GF of 2.5 years and I have been broken up for about two months with NC for about five weeks (I tried calling but she will no longer take calls or respond to my e-mails). A few days ago, I saw she listed her self back with her old boyfriend on faceboook (the supposedly gay one who lives even further away from her than I do). I panicked, even though I thought it might be a bluff, and was miserable (I had been doing better up untill then). Last night, I was coming back from a business engagement and stopped at a bar/pub which the business associate owned. I ended up chatting up this girl for most of the night, making out a bit, and swapping numbers. Now I'm kind of curious what to do. It was great just to hang out with someone else and feel attractive again. I'd love to see this girl again and just have some fun. However, I certainly have no desire for a serious relationship of any kind. Should I call her? Is this a workable plan as long as I'm honest about things? I also have to admit I'm hesitant because I know that if I sleep with this new girl, the chance me and my ex will ever reconcile becomes even smaller (though that seems a pretty silly way to live my life post-breakup).
motive2002 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I also have to admit I'm hesitant because I know that if I sleep with this new girl, the chance me and my ex will ever reconcile becomes even smaller (though that seems a pretty silly way to live my life post-breakup). It does seems silly. You tried to phone and e-mail your ex and she shut you out. Time to move on to greener pastures. She has her life, why shouldn't you have yours? Forget about your ex imo
Author MalachiX Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Thanks. Any other suggestions? Please?
Chinook Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Sorry, I agree with motive. You're wasting your time with your ex-gf in my opinion. If I was the new girl... as long as you were honest with me how you're feeling and made me fully aware of things, I'd be happy to continue seeing you., What you have to be careful of though, is how things can get caught up in new-relationship-energy and when that dissipates, how you realise this isn't actually what you wanted. If you want to see the girl again, give her the chance to guard her heart, don't unwittingly break it. People have a lot to say about rebound relationships - but to be honest, for alot of people rebound relationships help you to HEAL.... and personally if I knew I was the rebound, it wouldn't bother me a bit to know that we're having fun whilst I'm helping you heal. Where it gets messy is when people start saying the 'I love you' words or the 'we should be together a long time' etc etc etc. I'd be careful what you say and do with those things in mind.
Author MalachiX Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Sorry, I agree with motive. You're wasting your time with your ex-gf in my opinion. If I was the new girl... as long as you were honest with me how you're feeling and made me fully aware of things, I'd be happy to continue seeing you., What you have to be careful of though, is how things can get caught up in new-relationship-energy and when that dissipates, how you realise this isn't actually what you wanted. If you want to see the girl again, give her the chance to guard her heart, don't unwittingly break it. People have a lot to say about rebound relationships - but to be honest, for alot of people rebound relationships help you to HEAL.... and personally if I knew I was the rebound, it wouldn't bother me a bit to know that we're having fun whilst I'm helping you heal. Where it gets messy is when people start saying the 'I love you' words or the 'we should be together a long time' etc etc etc. I'd be careful what you say and do with those things in mind. Thanks. This is the good stuff. How do you suggest I go about things? I'm certainly not going to say, "I love you." My EX was the only person I ever said that to and it took about five or six months. I'm not looking for a replacement to my EX or anything serious. I'm just looking for someone to have fun with. I'm just curious how you go about pursuing someone for a casual relationship. In my few other relationships, I've been cornily romantic as a way of furthering things but I don't want to do that here because I think it sends the wrong message. I don't want to lead someone in the wrong direction (I've done that in the past and felt terrible about it) so what's the right way to do this? Sorry for pestering you but it's really great to have an honest female perspective on such a thing.
Chinook Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Thanks. This is the good stuff. How do you suggest I go about things? I'm certainly not going to say, "I love you." My EX was the only person I ever said that to and it took about five or six months. I'm not looking for a replacement to my EX or anything serious. I'm just looking for someone to have fun with. I'm just curious how you go about pursuing someone for a casual relationship. In my few other relationships, I've been cornily romantic as a way of furthering things but I don't want to do that here because I think it sends the wrong message. I don't want to lead someone in the wrong direction (I've done that in the past and felt terrible about it) so what's the right way to do this? Sorry for pestering you but it's really great to have an honest female perspective on such a thing. Well, if I'm truly honest, I'd simply be as honest as you have been here. Maybe not in quite the same forthright manner - that is, don't rush it. But what I would definitely do to start with is if you see each other a couple more times, then have 'the talk' and don't make it a big thing either... just a casual discussion to let her know that (a) you're not a player and have no intention of playing around but that (b) you can't commit to her in the sense of a long term serious relationship because you're still processing a break-up. What you have to be prepared for is that she may at that point decide to walk away. That's her prerogative. However, if it were me... I'd just kick back and relax with it... and you never know, she may have her own issues. There's nothing wrong with making each other feel good. Just be careful with each other's feelings. Also, for what it's worth, there's nothing wrong with being romantic in a casual relationship either. Just make sure you're clear with your feelings for her all along the way. If when the NRE is settling you find that you're not feeling too inclined to continue the relationship, you can always explain that and why. If though, your feelings grow and you end up having feelings which are MORE than casual... well, it's a win-win situ isn't it..?! You won't see that right now, but it MAY happen - you don't know right now, all you know is you're not ready at the moment... but in my experience, it's when we're least ready that we get blindsided! Good luck m'dear
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