olivegreen17 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 This is a long one. Have patience. *smile* Okay, so my senior year of high school I finally had the chance to date someone I've liked for years. Our families have been friends since we were both in diapers, but as we grew older our friendship became stretched. "Sam" became more popular where I was the quiet one. So anyways, senior year we started to become closer friends again and on Christmas morning we turned our friendship into a relationship. Things were going great until "Sam" got sick and started avoiding me. The diagnosis he got wasn't a very good. I got the impression he wanted to break up with me because of it. He finally did call it off a week before prom. I told him he wasn't dumping me right before my senior prom. That next week was rocky and prom sucked. "Sam" left in the middle to go out with some friends of his. He wanted me to go with him, but I didn't. He did come back when prom was over and we went out for breakfast before going home. The next couple of weeks were okay. Then we started drifting apart. So one night his brother "Aaron" and good friend "Paul" came by. They said that "Sam" sent them to pick me up. When we went to get him, "Paul" came back and said that "Sam" broke up with me and didn't want to see me anymore. I asked them to take me home, but they refused to do so. Something about how it's not good to be alone with a broken heart. Bullcrappy. Anyways, without going into details, that was a horrible night. We all got super drunk, went to a party and some things happened that I'll regret for the rest of my life. I knew my mom was going to kick my behind when I got home. It wasn't like me to stay out all night. I couldn't reach a friend of mine on her phone, knew I couldn't go home with "Aaron", so went home "Paul" with the impression I was going to sleep in his sisters guestroom. Yeah right. That fell through the minute we walked through the door. From there things just got worse. When he dropped me off the next day, the last thing he said was "Sam" never broke up with me. "Paul" just wanted to see how I would take it. Talk about your heart being ripped into shreds. My mom picked "Sam" up and we talked about the night before. I was afraid he would walk away and I will admit that I lied to him about some things. I wanted to say whatever I could to make him stay. It was weird because he assured me everything was okay. Over the next month we just drifted apart. Neither of us ever really broke up with the other. We went our seperate ways. I still felt the heavy burden of guilt so when I couldn't get him out of my head, I rebounded with my best friends cousin-ish. He was there and I needed someone to pick up the pieces. We never really got serious and it was I who called that relationship off. About a month later I met my husband Justin. After a few months of chance encounters we decided to be FWB. People have needs right? Well that didn't last long. A couple months later we were engaged. Three months after that we found out we were 5 weeks pregnant. Two months later we were married and have been for almost 5 years. Both Justin and I have openly talked about how we felt we rushed things. How we went into our marriage unsure about what we wanted. Over the years we have had many rough patches, but just as many good ones. Although our marriage has it's flaws and we both have our doubts, when I sit and think about it, I couldn't imagine being anywhere else in my life. It may have taken us about four years to realize it, but we're finally there. So anyways, about four months ago I started having dreams of my ex "Sam". At first I was startled and didn't know what to think. I tried everthing to stop having the dreams, but they just kept coming. I grew tired of waking up sad and angry every day, so last week I contacted my ex through Myspace. I came clean about the small lies I told him. I had this gut feeling that I needed to get it off of my chest. After I wrote that letter I havn't had a single dream about him. No more feelings of guilt, sadness, or even anger. "Sam" wrote me back and told me my timing was perfect. These last few months he too has started thinking about me as well. Weird right? Since then we have started talking more through Myspace. A few e-mails a week. I've made it clear that I only want to be friends the way things started and should have stayed. I'm positive he only wants the same. My husband doens't yet know that we've started talking again and I'm reluctant to tell him. He got so jealous over that fact I was dreaming of my ex and not him, how would he take it if I told him we're talking now.......The thing is, Justin once had a relationship with his best girly friend. They talk all the time and every year when we visit his parents he makes a point to devote one night there to visiting with her. Why should it be any different with "Sam" and I? Am I wrong for talking to my ex-boyfriend? Should I stop? I know I have to tell Justin, and I will this week. I wanted to get your honest opinions first.
lexi29 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I would say you have to tell your husband. He should understand especially if he is still close to an ex (friend) of his and spends time (presumably) alone with her when you visit his parents. If you are ok with this, then he should be ok with you talking to your ex. Its probably an unpopular opionion but I think its fine to talk to your exes as long as your spouse knows about it and you are not hiding anything. Sounds like you have some unresolved issues and feelings for "sam" though, just be careful and make sure it doesnt' turn into an emotional affair or anything.
reservoirdog1 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 OH MY GOD PUT IN PARAGRAPH BREAKS. PLEASE. There are lots of people here who'd like to help, but that's REALLY hard to read.
Author olivegreen17 Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Sorry about not putting paragraph breaks in. If I could edit my post I would. Tried and it wont allow me to do so. lexi29, I still do have feelings for "Sam", but only as friends. We were very close friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend. That's the way I want things to be again between us. Nothing more. I have a good life with Justin and wouldn't want to jeopardize that. Justin does spend time with his ex alone when we go home, but I don't worry about it. I'm more worried about him spending time alone with other girls here. I've caught him in the act of infedelity twice in our short marriage and I'm positive he hasn't told me of some other incidinces. I've made very strong attempts for us to work through those rough times. And we have. *smile* I don't want a relationship with "Sam". Just a rekindled friendship that wont offend my husband. Edited April 1, 2008 by olivegreen17
Curmudgeon Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You both sound like a disaster looking for a place to happen, as does your marriage. If you have to ask then you instinctually know that rekindling this "friendship" with "Sam" isn't a good idea. Now granted, I'm a whole lot older but if my wife wanted to have a relationship with a former boyfriend, significant other, etc., I'd be happy to let her do so because she'd be single again. That's nothing I would stand for and she wouldn't stand for it if I tried to get back in touch with a past girlfriend. There's no reason either of us would have for doing so except to stray.
SeraBella Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 You know it's a bad idea simply by everything you put in your post. The situation with you and Sam is a lot different than Justin and his ex...especially since he's OPEN about it! Come on! And it will never be the same because you've given your husband no reason to trust you by lying about it from the start. Also, I'm sure Justin and his ex were friends before you two got together. You can't justify it by saying "well you're friends with your ex so I want to be friends with mine" when you went and contacted your ex in a sneaky way! And I also think there are more feelings for Sam that you want to admit.
Aprille Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I'll tell ya like my husband told me. Women can't have close guy friends. I thought he was crazy, I had a close guy friend who I never NEVER misled. I dated someone before I met him and after the ex. I called him one day to chat and he told me he was tired of my BS! WTF I don't have a clue as to what he was talking about, I even tried to fix him up. So after saying that, it's intensely hard for a man and woman to be "close" friends, there are some who can. I'd think hard on the situation on both ends before making a decision. Are you setting yourself up by renewing a friendship with an ex. Some chapters are best left closed. At any rate I hope it works out for you.
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