NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Okay, I read your other thread. I saw alot of decent advice and viewpoints there. I'm glad to read that you did not have to rescue her and that she is capable of dealing with her ex on her own. That is a testament to her character. Also, I noticed that this budding relationship is around a month in progress. She is probably still evaluating things and you are as well. She wants to know you are a genuine guy that will stick around before just deciding to let you in completely ... or that is my guess. Are you sure she is worth it? Aside from the enjoyed intimacy, can you see dating her for a long time? Yeah, she seems to have good character and I am very interested in dating her long term. Perhaps she needs a little reassurance (word and deed) in that area along with a request that you be incorporated in her life with more time alone to show you that she is also invested. *disclaimer....I may not have a clue what I am talking about* Well, I've told her that I'd like to keep seeing her, we've already talked about not dating other people, etc... so as far as the words go, I think we've covered that issue - as far as deeds go, I think I've shown her that I'm willing to spend plenty of time with the daughter present. 8 out of 11 "dates" with her daughter without protest should send her that message, I would think. And again, I've had a blast on the dates that we've had with her daughter present.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I'm not digging up anymore... they're there... that was the very first response. LMAO that was a response to another generalized remark you made upon single mothers. Originally Posted by NuTuDating What is it with single mothers feeling like they have to punish guys for their prior relationships?Followed up by agreeing that the introducing was premature
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 LMAO that was a response to another generalized remark you made upon single mothers. Followed up by agreeing that the introducing was premature And that wasn't the first post that I made about that issue, either.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yeah, she seems to have good character and I am very interested in dating her long term. Well, I've told her that I'd like to keep seeing her, we've already talked about not dating other people, etc... so as far as the words go, I think we've covered that issue - as far as deeds go, I think I've shown her that I'm willing to spend plenty of time with the daughter present. 8 out of 11 "dates" with her daughter without protest should send her that message, I would think. And again, I've had a blast on the dates that we've had with her daughter present. I doubt they are "dates" to her - I think they are infact real dates to her because her child is a big part of her life. Look at this way - you're getting an idea of what a regular life with her and her daughter would be like. Perhaps that's what she wants to make sure you're okay with. I understand you want alone time with her, but if you were already complaining about her daughter being apart of dates, it came across as it would be a problem in the future.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 And that wasn't the first post that I made about that issue, either. It was part of the first post you made for that thread though. People are going to react to statements like that - it's a given. Just like people will react to posts like OP made. If you don't want remarks like that, then what what you're saying to others - because what you say in your post is being said to a lot of others - when you use phrases such as that.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Hi, I've been in this dating game for years. I am 39 and I have my share of dating experiences as well as observations from others dating experiences. First of all, a man should never take advice from a woman on what women want because what women say they want and what they actually respond to are entirely different things. All too often men are advised to be a sweethart and be sensitive and all that BS. Then they wonder why the girl they thought they had chemistry loses interests, cheats, or dumps him for someone else. 99% of the time, the new guy isn't a sweethart but he treats her the way she has grown accustomed to. Nice guys are boring and no challenge. Women want challenge, I promise you. If a guy wants advice on women, talk to other guys, even gay guys can help. Actually, gay guys are a great source of advice. Do not ask other women because they will give you the "chick flick" version of what you they want. How many romantic comedies (chick flicks) have you seen where guy chases girl, girl resists guy, guy stalks girl, girl finally falls for guy? What you dont see is what happens a couple of months down the road where girl cheats on guy or dumps guy for someone with more confidence and charm. Those are key words because women often mistake jerk behavior with confidence and charm. The sad reality is that nice guys don't get laid and jerks do. Jerks don't even have to be good looking or successful. This transends to all ages, women do not out grow this. You are right and wrong. Women like these attention things but from a guy they already love. These things wont make her love him, quite the contrary. And some women would like this attention from a new guy too, because they are AW or just desperate. Buy a flower, write a poem and give it to the most ugly girl at your work place - she will kneel right there and perform something realy nice for you like....asking you to marry her (you pigs ). Jerks get laid because they are bold. You dont have to be bold to get laid, You just need to be brave. Brave men wont pull the same chicks as Jerks do, mind you. These girls wouldnt want Brave man because they think they dont deserve him beside other things. Grow balls boys...Join the Marine Corps if you have to.
Ebeleptik38 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 No one's asking for a rediculous balance of both. It's asking for a healthy mix. hahha sometimes it seems ridiculous, just because you never know with each new person your with what the expectations are....ahh the dating game. Listen don't feel bad. It's no different for some of us women. I used to be a doormat. I was verbally and occasionally physically abused. I was too much of a pushover. But then I changed. Men love bytches I'd heard. It's the truth. I got the respect I wanted and men didn't think they could walk all over me. Eventually, I learned to find a balance between being a doormat and a bytch. Yes, men want a balance in their women too...and it's not ridiculous. And it's not about what men want and want women want so much as it is about HUMAN NATURE. No one wants to be with someone that they can have their way with all the time...who respects that? So be your sweet self but stand up for yourself when you feel you're being taken advantage of. Try it. It really works. I've never been a doormat...just very catering when it comes to someone I am seeing...and this is only done when I see a potential of a relationship. But I completely feel and agree with your response...I'm just a very good-natured person and I think it often get misconstrued with me coming off like I'm in love with the person. It's ok though, I just won't go out of my way, unless the person is really deserving of that kind of treatment.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You are right and wrong. Women like these attention things but from a guy they already love. These things wont make her love him, quite the contrary. And some women would like this attention from a new guy too, because they are AW or just desperate. Buy a flower, write a poem and give it to the most ugly girl at your work place - she will kneel right there and perform something realy nice for you like....asking you to marry her (you pigs ). Jerks get laid because they are bold. You dont have to be bold to get laid, You just need to be brave. Brave men wont pull the same chicks as Jerks do, mind you. These girls wouldnt want Brave man because they think they dont deserve him beside other things. Grow balls boys...Join the Marine Corps if you have to. Well said
Pyro Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 hahha sometimes it seems ridiculous, just because you never know with each new person your with what the expectations are....ahh the dating game. Yes!!!! and this right here ladies and gents is why its ridiculous to generalize an entire gender.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 It was part of the first post you made for that thread though. People are going to react to statements like that - it's a given. Just like people will react to posts like OP made. If you don't want remarks like that, then what what you're saying to others - because what you say in your post is being said to a lot of others - when you use phrases such as that. The first post I made had women commenting on how they were more worried about the daughter than the issue I had. Again, unhelpful...
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 The first post I made had women commenting on how they were more worried about the daughter than the issue I had. Again, unhelpful... A lot better then the post you left for me "this relationship is doomed" Ooo yeah real freaking helpful. Man you just hate to take responsibility for anything don't you?
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 A lot better then the post you left for me "this relationship is doomed" Ooo yeah real freaking helpful. Man you just hate to take responsibility for anything don't you? Ha, by that point I'm pretty much just replying in kind to how others responded to me. Like I said, I obviously came to the wrong place to get advice, especially from women. You've pretty much proven that to me.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Ha, by that point I'm pretty much just replying in kind to how others responded to me. Like I said, I obviously came to the wrong place to get advice, especially from women. You've pretty much proven that to me. Really ... here's my reply to your post and you explain to me why you felt such a need to leave me such a crappy response like that. Quite a few single mom's (and dad's) aren't quick to show attachment. They are cautious because it's not just their life that the relationship involves, it's their child's life too. A single parent doesn't want to get to close to someone if that person isn't going to work in their family situation. She's thinking about her kid as well, not just herself. She wants to make sure it's a good environment for her daughter. There's nothing wrong with that. Also, put yourself in the kid's shoes for a moment... can you imagine new people coming in and out of your life because of your parent dating? It's not always easy for some kids to deal with. I think she may fear picking another wrong guy again - and bringing that wrong guy into her life again. Yes, everyone has that fear of getting close to someone, but that fear is times ten when you're responsible for another life. Give her some time. Talk to her about the alone time - but be gentle about it, and make sure she knows that you also don't mind spending time with the daughter as well.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Really ... here's my reply to your post and you explain to me why you felt such a need to leave me such a crappy response like that. I didn't really need an analysis of why she might be acting the way she is. I wanted to know how to talk to her about it, not a defense of the way she is approaching the relationship.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I didn't really need an analysis of why she might be acting the way she is. I wanted to know how to talk to her about it, not a defense of the way she is approaching the relationship. And how she is approaching the relationship is important because she is half of the freaking relationship. Your perspective is NOT the only important part of it. You aren't the one bringing another life into a situation that may or may not be good for the child. Yeah you refuse to take blame for anything. You find more reasons to excuse your actions. You feel you do no wrong. I had no made one nasty comment to that post. You made one to mine, and yet I still didn't go around men bashing. You get responses you don't like regardless of if it's bashing or not - and all of a sudden women are evil. I really think you have an issue with women in general.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Well said Hmmm it feels so good to be appreciated by a girl. Now I know why Pyro always takes the girls side. Pyro you are a pickle Jokes aside. What I wrote I meant, before you start to think I wrote it to charm mis Dreamgirl.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 And how she is approaching the relationship is important because she is half of the freaking relationship. Your perspective is NOT the only important part of it. You aren't the one bringing another life into a situation that may or may not be good for the child. Yeah you refuse to take blame for anything. You find more reasons to excuse your actions. You feel you do no wrong. What exactly am I at fault for here? What "actions" have I taken in this relationship that make this my fault? I'll take all sorts of blame for generalizing here on this board, fine. I'm not the one inviting her daughter along on every date. You seem hellbent on making me the guilty party in this issue for some reason. All I want is time alone with someone i'm interested in, and I've been very patient and accomodating about it with her. This does NOT mean I'm not interested in her daughter, too. I think 8 out of 11 dates having included her daughter, coupled with the fact that I still want to see her, should show that. I had no made one nasty comment to that post. You made one to mine, and yet I still didn't go around men bashing. You get responses you don't like regardless of if it's bashing or not - and all of a sudden women are evil. I really think you have an issue with women in general. I do have an issue with women, I trust them one at a time, not in general. From what I've seen in the relatioships that I've had, in my parent's relationships, and in the relationships of women I work with is that the caring, faithful women who aren't manipulative and mean spirited are FEW. That is based on repeated experience. But I guess ****ty women are my fault, too, right?
twice_shy Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Hi, I've been in this dating game for years. I am 39 and I have my share of dating experiences as well as observations from others dating experiences. First of all, a man should never take advice from a woman on what women want because what women say they want and what they actually respond to are entirely different things. All too often men are advised to be a sweethart and be sensitive and all that BS. Then they wonder why the girl they thought they had chemistry loses interests, cheats, or dumps him for someone else. 99% of the time, the new guy isn't a sweethart but he treats her the way she has grown accustomed to. Nice guys are boring and no challenge. Women want challenge, I promise you. Ya, and they end up thinking men are pigs because that "challenge" turned out to be a player that cheated on them. You are right, they say they want a nice, decent man, but then turn around and go for the aholes, mainly because of looks. Then they cry about it when they get played and declare all men bastards. THEN say, "why can't I find a good man".
twice_shy Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 So are the women here saying they NEVER passed up a great guy, who looks good, just not a Brad Pitt, for the overly primped adonis?
TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I said entire female race. When you group women into one category, that would be placing blame on all of them. But if men and women were all different in what they are attracted to than one guy or girl wouldn't have more memebers of the opposite sex interested in them than another. But we don't see this Rockstars/Celeberities/Bad boys have a harem of women, while many other guys have scarcily one girl or might be virgins. People must be mostly the same.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 What exactly am I at fault for here? What "actions" have I taken in this relationship that make this my fault? I'll take all sorts of blame for generalizing here on this board, fine. I'm not the one inviting her daughter along on every date. You seem hellbent on making me the guilty party in this issue for some reason. All I want is time alone with someone i'm interested in, and I've been very patient and accomodating about it with her. This does NOT mean I'm not interested in her daughter, too. I think 8 out of 11 dates having included her daughter, coupled with the fact that I still want to see her, should show that. I do have an issue with women, I trust them one at a time, not in general. From what I've seen in the relatioships that I've had, in my parent's relationships, and in the relationships of women I work with is that the caring, faithful women who aren't manipulative and mean spirited are FEW. That is based on repeated experience. But I guess ****ty women are my fault, too, right? You claim that it's okay to say what you say about women because of how they supposedly post (which is really just a reply to saying something they felt they were offended by) or because you got treated like crap. Which it's not okay to say things like that about all women. Don't go replying to people's posts with your hostility. That's advice not needed - it's just anger.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You claim that it's okay to say what you say about women because of how they supposedly post (which is really just a reply to saying something they felt they were offended by) or because you got treated like crap. Which it's not okay to say things like that about all women. Don't go replying to people's posts with your hostility. That's advice not needed - it's just anger. I said there are a few women who aren't this way, not ALL women.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 But if men and women were all different in what they are attracted to than one guy or girl wouldn't have more memebers of the opposite sex interested in them than another. But we don't see this Rockstars/Celeberities/Bad boys have a harem of women, while many other guys have scarcily one girl or might be virgins. People must be mostly the same. You can't group a celebrity in with a non celebrity. You can't group a bad boy with a overly nice guy. There are different types of people - and that's a well known established fact.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I said there are a few women who aren't this way, not ALL women. There's more then a few. By far.
TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You can't group a celebrity in with a non celebrity. You can't group a bad boy with a overly nice guy. There are different types of people - and that's a well known established fact. Dur that's the point some people are celebritites which means most people are the same, i.e., like the same people. Otherwise everyone would be equally popular. Why do girls keep arguing they're not the same? All you have to do is go out with a guy and rock his world and then you've proven you're not like "all' the other girls he's complaining about .
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