dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Now that's just silly - I take advice from both men and women. Men can bring light to situations in a different aspect then women and vise versa. You do show a problem with dealing with criticism from women. Why is that?
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Now that's just silly - I take advice from both men and women. Men can bring light to situations in a different aspect then women and vise versa. You do show a problem with dealing with criticism from women. Why is that? It's different types of criticism. Some of the 'bad' advice from the guys was basically just dump her because she had a kid. Pretty simple to disregard that. The criticism from the female posters not only avoided answering my questions, they further assumed that 1) I didn't appreciate the fact that she had a daughter or 2) that I just wanted to get laid. Both I found pretty offensive.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 It's different types of criticism. Some of the 'bad' advice from the guys was basically just dump her because she had a kid. Pretty simple to disregard that. The criticism from the female posters not only avoided answering my questions, they further assumed that 1) I didn't appreciate the fact that she had a daughter or 2) that I just wanted to get laid. Both I found pretty offensive. Okay - lets say no man ever said anything offensive to you (which I find hard to believe) and it's just women. Does that still make it right? She did it so I did it back only to all girls.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Okay - lets say no man ever said anything offensive to you (which I find hard to believe) and it's just women. Does that still make it right? She did it so I did it back only to all girls. Makes what right? The men's advice? No, I'm just saying it was easier to disregard and wasn't designed to put people on the defensive. I'm not saying that I've never had a difference of opinion with a man before. It's just that the womens' advice to which I was referring was arrogant and condescending. Then men's advice was not.
underpants Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Nutu, I'm not sure of you dating dilemma. Am I close: You are seeing a woman who has a child and who by her own admission has previously been hurt? What is the problem? Is she acting distant? Did you rescue her from her prior (not great) relationship? How long is that in the past? Instead of trying to figure out what she wants versus what she says. Have you considered explaining to her what you want, then let her decide if she can provide you with that?
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Makes what right? The men's advice? No, I'm just saying it was easier to disregard and wasn't designed to put people on the defensive. I'm not saying that I've never had a difference of opinion with a man before. It's just that the womens' advice to which I was referring was arrogant and condescending. Then men's advice was not. Make your women bashing right. I don't think much of men's advice would be offensive to you IMO.
Pyro Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Nutu, I'm not sure of you dating dilemma. Am I close: You are seeing a woman who has a child and who by her own admission has previously been hurt? What is the problem? Is she acting distant? Did you rescue her from her prior (not great) relationship? How long is that in the past? Instead of trying to figure out what she wants versus what she says. Have you considered explaining to her what you want, then let her decide if she can provide you with that? I think this what he is referring to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146996/
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I think this what he is referring to. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146996/ Yes, and I'm not seeing any bashing going on here.
Ebeleptik38 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I think I might be the first person to agree with you (sort of). I dumped my nice guy and now I'm being treated like dirt by the sexy, confident guy. However, I regret it and will never make the same mistake again. I wasn't going to say anything, since the majority of responses have seemed to turn into one big debate. Excuse me if I'm adding fuel to the fire....but right there above my response...is the proof in the pudding. Nice guy got dumped...now that's not a surprise, yeah your un-happy now with the sexy confident guy, but nonetheless you guys are still seeing eachother and the nice guy got the short end of the stick. The original posting may come off just a little bias, but can't be generalized for every and all situations. More often than not...the nice guy usually gets farted on. I am a nice guy, a very genuine, fun guy...I have tried to be more "edgy" if you will, but whatever, it's just not me. I don't get stepped all over by women and I'm not some submissive pushover, but in the end thing's usually don't work out because maybe I fall for women who I really like a little fast. So with that comes alot of affection, and just being a sweet romantic guy...because I've always been a hopeless romantic...yeah it's kind of lame. I give up on romance BTW...until I meet a woman who really deserves that kind of treatment. Anyways I'm drifitng from my point...nice guy's get screwed more so than bad-boys due to whatver nature of behavior that comes from any of those two catagories. (most) Women want a ridiculous balance of both to keep things "interesting". (most = meaning ALOT of them, especially the hot ones )
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Nutu, I'm not sure of you dating dilemma. Am I close: You are seeing a woman who has a child and who by her own admission has previously been hurt? Yes, correct. What is the problem? Is she acting distant? Did you rescue her from her prior (not great) relationship? How long is that in the past? Instead of trying to figure out what she wants versus what she says. Have you considered explaining to her what you want, then let her decide if she can provide you with that? Yeah, a little distant in the intimacy department, sort of. I'm not getting much time alone with her. We talk every evening, about half the time I call her, the other half she calls me. It's not a one-sided effort on either of our parts. She also introduced me to her father since he was in town last weekend (spent all day Saturday with her, her dad, and daughter). So I don't doubt she's interested. That was all the time I spent with her last weekend. The week before, we did have a night alone, and ended up having sex, so that was a good sign as well, it just gets frustrating going for two weeks at a time without some alone time. Initially, my question was how to talk about this to her without sounding like an ass. I kid her about it a bit, making comments like "I'd sure hate to have to go another whole week without getting a kiss..." etc... but this doesn't seem to be having the intended effect. She responds with "Yeah, me, too, I hated going all weekend without spending time alone"... and then the next thing you know, we're making plans for three again. She has been in two bad relationships. A cheating husband and an abusive boyfriend. And I've not had to rescue her. She seems like she's taking care of herself well enough, so I don't even make that kind of attempt. She handles things with the ex in a responsible manner and I pretty much stay out of the way with that.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I wasn't going to say anything, since the majority of responses have seemed to turn into one big debate. Excuse me if I'm adding fuel to the fire....but right there above my response...is the proof in the pudding. Nice guy got dumped...now that's not a surprise, yeah your un-happy now with the sexy confident guy, but nonetheless you guys are still seeing eachother and the nice guy got the short end of the stick. The original posting may come off just a little bias, but can't be generalized for every and all situations. More often than not...the nice guy usually gets farted on. I am a nice guy, a very genuine, fun guy...I have tried to be more "edgy" if you will, but whatever, it's just not me. I don't get stepped all over by women and I'm not some submissive pushover, but in the end thing's usually don't work out because maybe I fall for women who I really like a little fast. So with that comes alot of affection, and just being a sweet romantic guy...because I've always been a hopeless romantic...yeah it's kind of lame. I give up on romance BTW...until I meet a woman who really deserves that kind of treatment. Anyways I'm drifitng from my point...nice guy's get screwed more so than bad-boys due to whatver nature of behavior that comes from any of those two catagories. (most) Women want a ridiculous balance of both to keep things "interesting". (most = meaning ALOT of them, especially the hot ones ) No one's asking for a rediculous balance of both. It's asking for a healthy mix.
Pyro Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I wasn't going to say anything, since the majority of responses have seemed to turn into one big debate. Excuse me if I'm adding fuel to the fire....but right there above my response...is the proof in the pudding. Nice guy got dumped...now that's not a surprise, yeah your un-happy now with the sexy confident guy, but nonetheless you guys are still seeing eachother and the nice guy got the short end of the stick. The original posting may come off just a little bias, but can't be generalized for every and all situations. More often than not...the nice guy usually gets farted on. I am a nice guy, a very genuine, fun guy...I have tried to be more "edgy" if you will, but whatever, it's just not me. I don't get stepped all over by women and I'm not some submissive pushover, but in the end thing's usually don't work out because maybe I fall for women who I really like a little fast. So with that comes alot of affection, and just being a sweet romantic guy...because I've always been a hopeless romantic...yeah it's kind of lame. I give up on romance BTW...until I meet a woman who really deserves that kind of treatment. Anyways I'm drifitng from my point...nice guy's get screwed more so than bad-boys due to whatver nature of behavior that comes from any of those two catagories. (most) Women want a ridiculous balance of both to keep things "interesting". (most = meaning ALOT of them, especially the hot ones ) I'm not so sure. I am a firm believer in not having to use a "bad-boy" side to keep things interesting in a relationship. Over 2 years later thus far and we still stand stronger than ever.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yes, correct. Yeah, a little distant in the intimacy department, sort of. I'm not getting much time alone with her. We talk every evening, about half the time I call her, the other half she calls me. It's not a one-sided effort on either of our parts. She also introduced me to her father since he was in town last weekend (spent all day Saturday with her, her dad, and daughter). So I don't doubt she's interested. That was all the time I spent with her last weekend. The week before, we did have a night alone, and ended up having sex, so that was a good sign as well, it just gets frustrating going for two weeks at a time without some alone time. Initially, my question was how to talk about this to her without sounding like an ass. I kid her about it a bit, making comments like "I'd sure hate to have to go another whole week without getting a kiss..." etc... but this doesn't seem to be having the intended effect. She responds with "Yeah, me, too, I hated going all weekend without spending time alone"... and then the next thing you know, we're making plans for three again. She has been in two bad relationships. A cheating husband and an abusive boyfriend. And I've not had to rescue her. She seems like she's taking care of herself well enough, so I don't even make that kind of attempt. She handles things with the ex in a responsible manner and I pretty much stay out of the way with that. You don't want to be reminded that she's a package deal - but if a single parent doesn't have the time, then they don't have the time. She's going to do what she's comfortable doing as far as her daughter. Two bad relationships - if they were bad for her they were bad for her daughter.
BareGoddess Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I wasn't going to say anything, since the majority of responses have seemed to turn into one big debate. Excuse me if I'm adding fuel to the fire....but right there above my response...is the proof in the pudding. Nice guy got dumped...now that's not a surprise, yeah your un-happy now with the sexy confident guy, but nonetheless you guys are still seeing eachother and the nice guy got the short end of the stick. The original posting may come off just a little bias, but can't be generalized for every and all situations. More often than not...the nice guy usually gets farted on. I am a nice guy, a very genuine, fun guy...I have tried to be more "edgy" if you will, but whatever, it's just not me. I don't get stepped all over by women and I'm not some submissive pushover, but in the end thing's usually don't work out because maybe I fall for women who I really like a little fast. So with that comes alot of affection, and just being a sweet romantic guy...because I've always been a hopeless romantic...yeah it's kind of lame. I give up on romance BTW...until I meet a woman who really deserves that kind of treatment. Anyways I'm drifitng from my point...nice guy's get screwed more so than bad-boys due to whatver nature of behavior that comes from any of those two catagories. (most) Women want a ridiculous balance of both to keep things "interesting". (most = meaning ALOT of them, especially the hot ones ) Listen don't feel bad. It's no different for some of us women. I used to be a doormat. I was verbally and occasionally physically abused. I was too much of a pushover. But then I changed. Men love bytches I'd heard. It's the truth. I got the respect I wanted and men didn't think they could walk all over me. Eventually, I learned to find a balance between being a doormat and a bytch. Yes, men want a balance in their women too...and it's not ridiculous. And it's not about what men want and want women want so much as it is about HUMAN NATURE. No one wants to be with someone that they can have their way with all the time...who respects that? So be your sweet self but stand up for yourself when you feel you're being taken advantage of. Try it. It really works.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Listen don't feel bad. It's no different for some of us women. I used to be a doormat. I was verbally and occasionally physically abused. I was too much of a pushover. But then I changed. Men love bytches I'd heard. It's the truth. I got the respect I wanted and men didn't think they could walk all over me. Eventually, I learned to find a balance between being a doormat and a bytch. Yes, men want a balance in their women too...and it's not ridiculous. And it's not about what men want and want women want so much as it is about HUMAN NATURE. No one wants to be with someone that they can have their way with all the time...who respects that? So be your sweet self but stand up for yourself when you feel you're being taken advantage of. Try it. It really works. YES YES! This is exactly what has happened to me. I took all the crap and was walked over - then I got angry - then I learned to just be me and if they don't like screw them.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You don't want to be reminded that she's a package deal - but if a single parent doesn't have the time, then they don't have the time. She's going to do what she's comfortable doing as far as her daughter. Two bad relationships - if they were bad for her they were bad for her daughter. So you're suggestion is I dump her...
BareGoddess Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 YES YES! This is exactly what has happened to me. I took all the crap and was walked over - then I got angry - then I learned to just be me and if they don't like screw them. Good for you dreamergrl. It takes awhile for some of us to learn this. I really didn't change until I was 30. I started seeing that I was to blame for what I'd been getting..not the guys..ME. If we don't respect ourselves first, how is anyone else expected to respect us?
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 So you're suggestion is I dump her... If you can't handle what it takes to be apart of her life, yes. There's no shame in it - it's not easy dating a single parent, espeically when that child is already 13. Lets say you move in together, get married, you'll have a whole lot more daughter around. And you'll be a parental figure. Can you handle that? Can you handle only a few dinners with her alone through out the month? No matter how much you dont want to hear the package deal line - is it what it is.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Good for you dreamergrl. It takes awhile for some of us to learn this. I really didn't change until I was 30. I started seeing that I was to blame for what I'd been getting..not the guys..ME. If we don't respect ourselves first, how is anyone else expected to respect us? Exactly. The first time I can't say it's my fault a guy beat me up while I was pregnant with his kid - but the violent and abusive men that followed - I decided that it was time to change that because it was a pattern. Now I know what type of man I want - and I know what traits to look for to avoid those men! It's very empowering and a great feeling to realize the control you really have.
underpants Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yeah, a little distant in the intimacy department, sort of. I'm not getting much time alone with her. We talk every evening, about half the time I call her, the other half she calls me. It's not a one-sided effort on either of our parts. She also introduced me to her father since he was in town last weekend (spent all day Saturday with her, her dad, and daughter). So I don't doubt she's interested. That was all the time I spent with her last weekend. The week before, we did have a night alone, and ended up having sex, so that was a good sign as well, it just gets frustrating going for two weeks at a time without some alone time. Initially, my question was how to talk about this to her without sounding like an ass. I kid her about it a bit, making comments like "I'd sure hate to have to go another whole week without getting a kiss..." etc... but this doesn't seem to be having the intended effect. She responds with "Yeah, me, too, I hated going all weekend without spending time alone"... and then the next thing you know, we're making plans for three again. She has been in two bad relationships. A cheating husband and an abusive boyfriend. And I've not had to rescue her. She seems like she's taking care of herself well enough, so I don't even make that kind of attempt. She handles things with the ex in a responsible manner and I pretty much stay out of the way with that. Okay, I read your other thread. I saw alot of decent advice and viewpoints there. I'm glad to read that you did not have to rescue her and that she is capable of dealing with her ex on her own. That is a testament to her character. Also, I noticed that this budding relationship is around a month in progress. She is probably still evaluating things and you are as well. She wants to know you are a genuine guy that will stick around before just deciding to let you in completely ... or that is my guess. Are you sure she is worth it? Aside from the enjoyed intimacy, can you see dating her for a long time? Perhaps she needs a little reassurance (word and deed) in that area along with a request that you be incorporated in her life with more time alone to show you that she is also invested. *disclaimer....I may not have a clue what I am talking about*
smoothtalker Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 One of my favorite topics. I blog about the nature of attraction, and what men can learn about it, at the blog PullJoy.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 If you can't handle what it takes to be apart of her life, yes. There's no shame in it - it's not easy dating a single parent, espeically when that child is already 13. Lets say you move in together, get married, you'll have a whole lot more daughter around. And you'll be a parental figure. Can you handle that? Can you handle only a few dinners with her alone through out the month? No matter how much you dont want to hear the package deal line - is it what it is. I can handle the parent part. I get along with the daughter fine. But even the married couples I know who have children get baby sitters pretty often.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yes, and I'm not seeing any bashing going on here. Yeah, except for the part where some of the posters assume that I don't want anything more than sex.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yeah, except for the part where some of the posters assume that I don't want anything more than sex. Which page?
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Which page? Maybe she is on to the fact that you just want to bang her and could care a less is she has a kid.. I'm not digging up anymore... they're there... that was the very first response.
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