serendip Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I ran into the ex at a cafe. I haven’t seen her in almost a year (LDR...she lives 2000 miles away) since before the break up...so it was weird. She was waiting for her female friend. She said she wanted to talk to me because she felt the negativity between us. Against my better judgement and the advice of everyone on LS...I decided to talk to her. At first she felt I was yelling (I was unaware I was) at her and being defensive...so she started to put her jacket on and leave. I told her...look we are both here...let’s talk. So we had an honest discussion between us...I told her how hurt I was that she cheated on me and I apologize to her for not walking away (instead I manipulated her for revenge purposes). She started crying and apologized to me for what she did. She realized how much she hurt me and understood and finally accepted responsibility for her actions. She was just getting too emotional and I felt bad for her...so I stopped talking about the past and just started talking my present life and my future plans. Then I asked her about how her career was going...she perked up. I didn’t know what else to talk about...so I asked her about her friend (he just had a baby). She started showing me pictures of her friend’s baby...and in the roll of pictures...where other pictures of her life (her town)...guy she dated (she told me it was a friend). It actually didn’t bother me seeing pictures of her with another dude. What did bug me were pictures of her new car that she leased. For me seeing pictures of her new car made me realized that it’s finally over between us. As odd as that seems...I realize I’m not part of her life anymore. Half way through her photos...I gave it back to her (she noticed that) because I just didn’t care. Then my date for that night called me while I was in the middle of a conversation...I just told my date I was in the middle of something and I would call her back later. I think the ex knew it as a girl calling me...I could tell she was wondering. Then we finished our conversation...and told her I was running late for something. I didn’t know how to end it...so I hugged her. The weirdest thing happened...during the hug...she started patting me on the back as if she was giving me a sympathy hug and that she felt bad for me. Any girls want to explain what it means when an ex-girlfriend pats you on the back while hugging? For some reason I didn't feel anything for her at the time....I was hung over from the night before and most likely numb from the shock of running into her. Now I'm just processing the information...I just find it sad that we were sitting there as if we were less than strangers. 2 people who were angry and unkind to each other.
Phateless Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 The pat on the back sucks. Well I hope this gives you some closure bro. When a girl pats you on the back it means you really are nothing but a friend. It's the kiss of death for any girl, trust me. I remember going through this when I ran into my ex recently. It was strange. Like you said, less than strangers, with this person who used to be your everything for 5 years, in my case. Weird... In a way it was sad to see her as nothing but a regular girl who is kinda hott, really annoying, and nobody I would ever be interested in dating. I couldn't believe I spent 5 years thinking she was the one. Yikes... Seeing her again really knocked her permanently off of the pedestal that she used to be on for me. Serendip - I hope this is finally over. As a sidenote, you really need to work on your anger issues. The yelling, the manipulating, all this childish behavior is insane. Aren't you over 30? I've heard about you do things that I never did in my life, even when I was 17 and furious at my ex. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just letting you know that if you don't fix these problems they will seriously impair any relationships in the future. Good luck out there bro! btw, so who's the new girl?
Author serendip Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Serendip - I hope this is finally over. As a sidenote, you really need to work on your anger issues. The yelling, the manipulating, all this childish behavior is insane. Aren't you over 30? I've heard about you do things that I never did in my life, even when I was 17 and furious at my ex. I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just letting you know that if you don't fix these problems they will seriously impair any relationships in the future. The thing was I didn't yell at her at all...she just didn't like me saying that it was really abusive and manipulative of her to move into my place...her getting angry at me b/c I wasn't being supportive of her decision to move away....meanwhile she is using my computer to emotionally cheat on me. I never get angry...my friends tell I should be mad and angry more...I should be pissed at her after what she did. The manipulation is definitely childish on my part...that's why I apologized for not walking away. I should never looked back as soon as I found out she cheated on me again after I forgave her the first time. I was so hurt that I couldn't emotionally detached. I've never dealt with infidelity before....so I didn't know how to deal with. All my previous ex's were good breakups...very little drama
HeavenScent Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Any girls want to explain what it means when an ex-girlfriend pats you on the back while hugging? It is sad when things are over between you and your partner, isn't it? But that's life and it's something you have to go through to when you're in a relationship. I can't tell you what it means simply because I do not hug my ex boyfriends. I don't even meet up with them and even if I ran into them, we'd just ignore each other.
Starla Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 phateless is right - the pat on the back is aloof, like you're hugging out of politeness, but that's it. lovers or close friends or family hugging with feeling...it's a real squeeze, like you're drawing them as close inside you as you can!! like a bear hug. the pat takes away from the hug i think.
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