bluepoppy Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Ok - common theme in nearly all relationships. (I've been with my guy for 2 1/2 years now) Woman: We need to spend more time, I want more attension etc Man: I'm just a bit lazy and comfortable now - do I still need to make so much effort ? Ok - it's never phrased like that but it seems that's the sub-text. Life is busy, work has pressures, friends and family make demands - personal persuits take up time. I know full well that nagging or whining that you're not getting what you want is a big turn off, and I always side-step anything that would allow me to be taken for granted. (This weeks example was about being busy, and suggesting a late night visit, after work, training etc) - I said no, that I'd perfer to get together on a night when we both had time as we haven't seen that much of each other lately, and I'd perfer to spend time when I hadn't exhausted myself doing something else first. Subtext - you want to stay the night, you have to give me some attension first. It worked, I got instant offers for midweek and the weekend where we can spend time, with just us. What is the way around all of this, it seems like a recurring theme that comes up every now and again - or is it just the case that men will try and get lazy now and again to see if they can push it. I know better to stand there and demand he spends more time on the relationship, as nagging a man to do anything never works (although it is very very tempting to just be upfront), but not sure what actions need to happen from me so that this recurring theme doesn't happen. (it's my fault too - this last month I had 10 days off from work on holiday and then managed to do the same number of monthly hours that I do when I don't take time off).
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Women get lazy and comfortable, too. Maybe it's not just him.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Send him an anonymous email How Men should date their partners at least once in a week to avoid routine. Or tell him a story how you met an very happy old couple and asked them what worked for them to avoid routine........
Phateless Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 this is a delicate issue. My ex, after we had been together 5 years, wanted me to continue to court her and try to win her over. At that point, I told her that after this time, it should be 50/50. She said that made sense yet didn't even want to agree to it. She felt that because I was the man it was my job to pursue her. If any of that matches your though process, you need to take a look at yourself. For me, I just want to see her when I can. Even after a long day when I don't have time to go out with her, if she's waiting in my bed when I get home, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world walking through that door at the end of my exhausting day. Sometimes passing out with your SO is the most rewarding part, even if you didn't get to spend much time.
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