uluru Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 After emailing for 3 months we met and had a great date. Since then he has initiated contact 3 times. He tells me he is looking forward to seeing me again next week and wants to know when I am free. But when I respond he does not reply until its too late. Before easter he again contacted me saying he is looking forward to seeing me next week and he would call at the weekend. He did not call. I finally sent him a text 10 days later asking if he is ok and if he wants to go out sometime, he replied straight away, saying yes he'd love to see me! So texted him back to suggest a day, but again he didnt get back to me! Why does he keep telling me he wants to see me again and also initiates the contact when clearly he is not interessted? Why not just ignore me at all or lie that he would be away,etc. Why say yes, I want to see you and initiate contact and then dont respond? Any thoughts? I dont want to see this guy again, but want to know why a guy would do this, as this never happend to me...Could he be a player, playing with my emotions? I am confused.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Either he's EXTREMELY busy - or you're the back up girl. He's leading you to think you'll be doing something - but you never do. My guess is he has you incase his plans fall through
Legend Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Either he's EXTREMELY busy - or you're the back up girl. He's leading you to think you'll be doing something - but you never do. My guess is he has you incase his plans fall through ding ding ding. we have a winner!
Legend Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Wow do guys really do that? Of course, esp when we want female attention on the weekend and don't feel like hanging with any of our other friends and want something new that weekend.
Starla Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 at first i was gonna say he sounds like he is playing - the idea of getting with you is good but not enough to actually do it....but i think dreamer is spot on!!
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I've seen girls do it to, to their friends. It's lame - but some people just want to make sure they are covered incase their plans fall through. I think he's dating another person as well... think about it... He wants to go out with a female, but what will he do if choice #1 doesn't make it? Sorry OP! I'd just move on! Don't settle to be someone's back up.
Kamille Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I think he's dating another person as well... think about it... He wants to go out with a female, but what will he do if choice #1 doesn't make it? Sorry OP! I'd just move on! Don't settle to be someone's back up. And to add, I think this is why it is wise, when dating, to try and keep your options open and date multiple people at the same time. That way your whole focus isn't only on one person. It keeps you from getting too emotionnally invested until you know for sure you've met someone that adds to your life.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 There's two sides to the coin, when it comes to being played. There's the player and the person who enables him/her. I would stop enabling his behaviour with contacts and responses. If he really wants you, let him do the work. Let him chase you. If he doesn't, you've got your answer. Good luck!
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 And to add, I think this is why it is wise, when dating, to try and keep your options open and date multiple people at the same time. That way your whole focus isn't only on one person. It keeps you from getting too emotionnally invested until you know for sure you've met someone that adds to your life. You know I've never been able to date more the one person at a time - but yet it so many ways its a good idea. I always worry that I wont be giving one person enough of a chance, or I'll want them both
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Btw, OP, there are ways to play a player. Just make sure you don't start taking it seriously and get hurt in the short-term.
Kamille Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 You know I've never been able to date more the one person at a time - but yet it so many ways its a good idea. I always worry that I wont be giving one person enough of a chance, or I'll want them both Well, last summer I never actually dated more then one person at the time, but I was definitely keeping my options open. I don't know how to describe it: I decided that until a guy and I knew we wanted to be exclusive, then I could keep shopping. I chose to do this after getting involved with a guy who was seeing other girl and was honest about it. I thought, hey, that's not a bad idea at all. When bf showed up, I knew within a week that this was going to be serious. (Scared the bejeezus out of me). A friend of mine dates multiples and has once gotten caught up between trying to figure out which guy she liked best. I think the answer turned out to be: guy number three. The "options open" approach took a lot of the pressure off of dating for me and actually helped me decide faster whether I could get serious with a guy or not. (Nope, fling from out of town, nope, nice but nope, hmm maybe -if he gets his shi!t together like he says he will, nope, Ding ding ding!) I think this explained why I didn't have to date two guys at the same time (technically). funny thing is, guys responded really well to my changed attitude. They 'keep their options' open until they are ready to commit too, so I think it made them feel like we were on the same page. And the Maybe called me over Christmas to tell me he now had his ***** together . Ah well, I already know for sure bf has his ***** together.
dreamergrl Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Well, last summer I never actually dated more then one person at the time, but I was definitely keeping my options open. I don't know how to describe it: I decided that until a guy and I knew we wanted to be exclusive, then I could keep shopping. I chose to do this after getting involved with a guy who was seeing other girl and was honest about it. I thought, hey, that's not a bad idea at all. When bf showed up, I knew within a week that this was going to be serious. (Scared the bejeezus out of me). A friend of mine dates multiples and has once gotten caught up between trying to figure out which guy she liked best. I think the answer turned out to be: guy number three. The "options open" approach took a lot of the pressure off of dating for me and actually helped me decide faster whether I could get serious with a guy or not. (Nope, fling from out of town, nope, nice but nope, hmm maybe -if he gets his shi!t together like he says he will, nope, Ding ding ding!) I think this explained why I didn't have to date two guys at the same time (technically). funny thing is, guys responded really well to my changed attitude. They 'keep their options' open until they are ready to commit too, so I think it made them feel like we were on the same page. And the Maybe called me over Christmas to tell me he now had his ***** together . Ah well, I already know for sure bf has his ***** together. That's a great outlook on it - I never thought of it in that way. But what does one do if they shopped and came across several guys they wanted to go out with? Excuse my momentarily hijacking .. Could this be applied to the guy I'm seeing? I've been thinking he could just be a maybe - because I'm getting so frustrated. I've also wanted to join a site I found for people in the same health situation I am in, but I was worried that if I started talking to another man who I could relate to better, I wouldn't be able to give the currant guy all of my emotion into dating.
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