flyingdance Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I started dating a seperated guy on and off about a year ago. Now I realized that I might be his first rebound. It started off really good. Then he broked up with me needed some space/time to figure things out with his marriage/divorce. It happened a couple of times. The last time he came back and told me that he realized that the real reason he wanted the divorce was because he wants freedom. He isn't ready for commitment with anybody. I didn't think too much of what he said and just started seeing him again, because I really like this guy. We are seeing each other a few times a month. I was ok with that because I thought he needs space since his divorce is not finalized yet. Also, we work together with makes it harder for us to see each other. Recently, I started to feel like his interest is not as much as before, but I thought he was just going through the depression. A couple of weeks ago, I found out that he had a former female friend living in a different town (2 hours flight) to visit him over the weekend, and he was weired about it. So I suspect something was going on, and started asking him lots of questions about this woman after he dropped her off at the airport. They met a few years ago through work and then reconnect recently. She is now married with a kid. I had a very strong instinct that something is going on. But he insisted that she is a friend. He said he didn't like the way I asked him questions, which shows that I don't give him freedom. The weekend before he came over and visit me and showed frustration that the secrecy of our relationship is a big problem for us and he doesn't see a solution in the near future. But we didn't discuss further. He still acted very affectionate towards me, so I thought it was fine. I did ask him that if he is dating someone please let me know since I am serious about sex and intimacy. And he said there is no one else right now, but he doesn't want to commit to it. Then he suddenly took a vacation without telling me to the town his female friend lives, where he has a relative. I didn't see him so I called, and he was impatient when talking to me the phone. My instinct told me that he flew down to visit her, but he said he is on his way to meet her for lunch, so I told him to call me when he is free. Then he called me again that night. He still didn't want to admit that he is seeing her at first. Then I asked more questions, since it was too obvious to me. Finally he said very vaguely he is seeing someone but doesn't want to tell me who she is. And he said he had been trying to tell me that he wanted us to end, but I didn't get the message. I am so devastated right now. Why does he pick a married woman with a new born baby who leaves hundreds miles away to date but not me? Would it be possible that he is still on rebound, and a married woman live remotely wouldn't give him same pressure that I give him. Or he is serious with this woman because he is too attracted to her and he doesn't care she is married and live far away? Maybe I do have some communication problem understanding him? When he said he dosen't want to commit, does that mean he wants to date multiple people at the same time? I did tell him if he wants to date someone else he can, but I assume he would end it with me first, and apparently, he has been talking to this woman for a while before flying all the way over to visit her, right? So I was in big shock and I started arguing with him on the phone. I asked him why he used all this excuses about the obstacles in our relationship, while the situation with her is only harder. I just don't get it. I asked him if he is not interested in me any more he can be straight forward with me, there is no need for excuses. He became more and more mad and said that he doesn't feel about me in that way anymore, while only 5 days ago he was at my place all affectionate and stuff. Is he really done with me? What should I do? I really like him and want to give relationship a chance, that's why I was here coping, and hope one day he is done with everything and get out of the fog and ready for a relationship. Any insight? Thanks in advance.
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