thestarlette13 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Greetings: Thank you all so much for reading my post. I have been reading these for the past 6 months about my relationship: Recap: This is gonna be long but please read and give me insight. I am 27 years old (2 months shy from 28), I was in a 4 1/2 year relationship ( we broke 4 months shy from being 5 years together), we lived with one another for 4 years (we moved in pretty quick within 6 mths). In the beginning everything was great then things started to fizzle after 2 years. I found a text that he sent to a girl it said "good night sweetie" and something about "them meeting when she gets out of work" I knew the girl and confronted her and both told me that they were just friends. But that right there made me lose trust for him. Then I found out that he slept with his best friend 5 years before we started going out. That was huge, cause still he goes away to see her and spends 2 weeks out of the year to visit her without me. She sent him a nudity calandar for Xmas one year, what am I supposed to think. And she hates me everytime she comes home (her parents live in our state), she never wants to go out with me and him just him. He claims he did not tell me cause it was not a big deal since it was 5 years before we met. And that it was a one time thing. And that when he visits her they never have done anything. OOOH ya he denied it to me when I asked him if he slept with her when I found out (reading his old journal) and when I threw the journal at him he then fessed up. Then to make our relationship worse, I found out he had a playboy account which he cancelled when I found out which was nice of him. Our sex life was 1 day out of the week due to his work and stress and being tired. But when I left and he had time he would go on that site and take care of himself. I am a petite cute girl, but he said it was my prying into his life that made him not want to have sex with me. He was a big corporate guy and worked late hours, and was always stressed otu to make love or tired. So of course I thought he was cheating on me. But we had our bad times in the relationship which made me not trust him. He lied about talking to his girl friends (girls he worked with) on the phone so I started looking at our phone records and catching him in lies. It was bad. I felt like a prison guard than a girlfriend. But the lies kept building up. He comes from a very Ethnic family that has never liked me (his parents), they live in his town we lived in. And blamed me for never seeing him etc. But after 4 1/2 years together he got sick of lying to me, and his stuff being looked through and he broke up with me for not trusting him. August 16 07 He broke up with me while he was at work and in an email. I lived together with him for a month and a half and moved out Sept 15 07. Ever since then we have talked every day, we went through our tough period where we did not talk for a week tops. I found out he went on a date and I got the girls number and called her and it was drama. He got arrested for assault and battery one me when we got into a fight (he is not physical with me and has never been). It was one instance where he grabbed my arm and he promised to never do it again. He is scared to never do it again he is a good guy and I love him so much. He has been there more than my family has. We still said we loved one another, but when it got really tough he would tell me that he loved me as a friend and that I was making him tell me he loved me. During our break up, I found out he went on a date with another girl, he had our friend (a girl) sleep over in our bed even though they never had sex or did anything it was all friendly. He joined a XXXadult finder website and wrote girls to meet up with but they did not respond to him cause I broke into the account, he joined playboy. All these things I have caught him. Well recently, we had a good 5 days together and he decided that he wants to work on our friendship and our relationship together. We talked about everything and he promised to tell me the truth regardless even if it hurts me and that he is going to be more truthful as long as I dont go through his things anymore. I do want him back, but I also want him to want me back. There was a time where he said he fell out of love with me and that he does not love me that way anymore. But now he is saying he loves me and to have a good day. He is calling me more and leaving me cute messages for me to call him. Out in public he is holding my hand. We kiss now, but still are not sleeping with one another. It feels good to be with him again. But his family does not like me, or his two best friends (they both live in other courtries), but it is us that are working things out. Me and him that is how I see it. Even though he is super close to his family, I see if we work out and get back together, they are going to have to embrace both of us if they love him. He got fired from his corporate job, then he got arrested the next day, so he has had a bad string of luck. it seems like everything he cared about me, our dog (I took the dog when we broke up), his job he put so many hours into. Just all dissappeared. maybe he realized he lost everything that he cares about and that it is still salvagable for me. He is 32 years old and wants to get married and a family. We both want that. But it is hard for me to trust him also. Just last week I caught him lying to me and it was last week we talked and he promised that he would tell me the truth. He has helped me move 4 times, he has driven 4 hours to pick me up from two states away, recently. He is just there for me. That shows he still cares and loves me. Please let me know what you think.. Again sorry so long.. Confused but Happy! Edited April 1, 2008 by thestarlette13 Added stuff I forgot
starlite Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Hey! Well, this is tricky because if I say not to try it then I would be a big fat hypocrit! I just took my ex back after being apart for 5 months. He lied to me a lot and I found out that he had cheated on me as well. He promises no more lies whatsoever no matter what and he knows that if there is one slip up then he is done! No more chances. It has only been 2 weeks and I am still a bit torn, but seeing how it goes for now. We were together almost 3 years and he does things to show me he loves me all the time. Something I really want to point out though: You two did not break up because of you. It was because of him. HE caused your mistrust in him. It would be one thing if you snooped and found nothing and he felt violated or what not...but you snooped and he was being an a** hole texting girls inappropriate things etc. He is (was) a liar, not your fault. No matter what it is a choice to be honest or to lie and dont EVER let him put that guilt on you. My ex would do the same thing and now I dont take it at all. I am 25, he is 29. I sometimes wonder if I can get past all this, but like i said I have to give it time until im sure. Good luck!
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