marlena Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 He gets to play with my life and hers and I dont have pitty for that day. You sound angry and a tad vindictive. I have to wonder if you truly love this man. It doesn't sound like you have his best interests at heart at all. It sound more like a "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" situation. Perhaps he feels this. And regrets everything that has happened.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 You sound angry and a tad vindictive. I have to wonder if you truly love this man. It doesn't sound like you have his best interests at heart at all. It sound more like a "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" situation. Perhaps he feels this. And regrets everything that has happened. No...not a all. He hurt me ...I hurt him. Why is it that the MM can cause all the pain and damage. I just dont take it to heart. So what? He has done things to voliate me and hurt me deeply on purpose or maybe not on purpose. What i am trying to say is that I have been disappointed and let down in this thing too. I wasnt thinking when I did it clearly but I am not going to let it beat me up. I have spend many times hurting more than him and a long time too. So if I could do it again....I would not....but I aint gonna lose no sleep cause I did.
marlena Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Yes, you were most definitely hurt. That's the risk a person takes when he enters an affair. His wife on the other hand was an unkowing participant in the triangle. You wanted to hurt you MM so you did it through his wife. If you are OK with that, far be it from me to judge you. He may have deserved it but she definitely didn't. Anyway, what's done is done. What you have to do now is HEAL from the pain. You know what you must do to begin that journey to a happier, healthier, freer YOU.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Yes, you were most definitely hurt. That's the risk a person takes when he enters an affair. His wife on the other hand was an unkowing participant in the triangle. You wanted to hurt you MM so you did it through his wife. If you are OK with that, far be it from me to judge you. He may have deserved it but she definitely didn't. Anyway, what's done is done. What you have to do now is HEAL from the pain. You know what you must do to begin that journey to a happier, healthier, freer YOU. Well my intent was not to mess with her but him. he the one claims that marriage is over, there is no love, and they only share a house, not a bond. i did not think it was going to do that much more than what they have done to the marriage themselves.
NoIDidn't Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 yeah, he did not like the call thing. I did not call her ...I called him. He still thinks about that day. I just dont feel bad about it. He gets to play with my life and hers and I dont have pitty for that day. I dont think it was a good move but I dont feel bad. Then you should be prepared to lose him for good. MM want you to protect their secret (the A) regardless of what they claim to be going on in the M. And the fact that you are non-repentant isn't lost on him. He certainly blames you for blowing up his spot like that. No...not a all. He hurt me ...I hurt him. Why is it that the MM can cause all the pain and damage. I just dont take it to heart. So what? He has done things to voliate me and hurt me deeply on purpose or maybe not on purpose. What i am trying to say is that I have been disappointed and let down in this thing too. I wasnt thinking when I did it clearly but I am not going to let it beat me up. I have spend many times hurting more than him and a long time too. So if I could do it again....I would not....but I aint gonna lose no sleep cause I did. Tell me why you believe in your love for him when you feel it is perfectly okay to be so vengeful towards him and then be nasty about it? The more you post, the more it becomes clear you were not and are not thinking straight. And, he joined a church?!! Its over. You will be branded a Delilah or Jezebel in short order. Sorry.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Then you should be prepared to lose him for good. MM want you to protect their secret (the A) regardless of what they claim to be going on in the M. And the fact that you are non-repentant isn't lost on him. He certainly blames you for blowing up his spot like that. Tell me why you believe in your love for him when you feel it is perfectly okay to be so vengeful towards him and then be nasty about it? The more you post, the more it becomes clear you were not and are not thinking straight. And, he joined a church?!! Its over. You will be branded a Delilah or Jezebel in short order. Sorry. STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!! You are going way to far with this okay. I did not sit there and ponder I am going to call him at home...I just did it okay. I love this man and my emotions got the best of me because of something he had JUST did. He will tell you that he understand why but he still wish I did not do it and he is unhappy about it. All I am simply saying is that I dont feel bad about it. Sometimes we do things that we wish we did not do but it happen. He knows that. He is not pissed and all that. He just wish I didnt do it. he has been with me several times since then cause he kinda feels like he brought it on himself a little
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 And, he joined a church?!! Its over. You will be branded a Delilah or Jezebel in short order. Sorry. This dont mean nothing...men always go to the extreme when they into these situations..I am glad he joined church though. That is good and I hope it makes him a better man. I know you want to punish me for not feeling bad about something I did. I can tell by the way you posted here. Its not going to happen. I have shed many many tears and just because he got hurt this time I just feeling like I have been hurt too. I wouldnt do it again.
Mino Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 This dont mean nothing...men always go to the extreme when they into these situations..I am glad he joined church though. That is good and I hope it makes him a better man. I know you want to punish me for not feeling bad about something I did. I can tell by the way you posted here. Its not going to happen. I have shed many many tears and just because he got hurt this time I just feeling like I have been hurt too. I wouldnt do it again. Hi 9 lives... I understand your actions. Why is it that when the ow speaks , she is like breaking a moral code of being the ow. Of coarse we know we can get burned by being the ow, but at the same time mm should know he can get burned too. We do fall in love with our mm.... we give everything, we do hurt more.. my op. Because when they go home, they enter different life, we dont, we feel the emptyness more. So when we feel lied to or we mistrust what mm tells us, how are we supposed to know truth? Normal to want to call the w. I have paced the floors many times becasues I just wanted to know or a confirmation. Finally did get a chance to talk to her, found out what he told me was true. Which didnt make situation any easier. But I think just because you want truth, and end up calling w, that is not revenge. That is classiefied as needing to know so we dont go crazy.I think the opposite, the more you love mm, the more you need truth ...
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 how are we supposed to know truth The thing is, you (general you) are trusting a man who is sneaking around and lying/deceiving his wife and betraying his whole family. To assume that MM wouldn't lie to an OW is just crazy. The lies may not be malcious, or mean, but they are selfish lies which further him along in the A. Again, telling the W depends on the real reasons. It is unfair to tell W when A starts to go bad, or is ending...Those thoughts of telling aren't even a thought in OW's mind when the A is going well and everything is good. Last thing OW wants during that time is the W to find out...Though, all that changes once the A ends, or changes in a negative way..
nadiaj2727 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 The thing is, you (general you) are trusting a man who is sneaking around and lying/deceiving his wife and betraying his whole family. To assume that MM wouldn't lie to an OW is just crazy. The lies may not be malcious, or mean, but they are selfish lies which further him along in the A. Again, telling the W depends on the real reasons. It is unfair to tell W when A starts to go bad, or is ending...Those thoughts of telling aren't even a thought in OW's mind when the A is going well and everything is good. Last thing OW wants during that time is the W to find out...Though, all that changes once the A ends, or changes in a negative way.. I don't know, I think some OWs want the wife to find out while the affair is going on, so that she will leave him or know the truth of what's up so that MM will be with OW. Often MM tells OW that the marriage is over, he wants to be with OW, but he just can't hurt his wife by rubbing that in her face, so they have to stay undercover until the divorce is final. OW is wanting the whole time for the wife to find out, except that she's wanting MM to tell her and for there to be as little pain as possible. Obviously she doesn't feel that she should tell the wife of MM will be hurt, and she loves MM. But after she starts to realize MM doesn't love her, or MM never planned for the wife to know, OW still wants the wife to find out but through whatever means possible... because it's what MM told her would happen and she never intended to be a secret side thing forever. I don't know if I'm making sense LOL, I just mean that I disagree that the "Last thing [some] OW wants during [the A] is the W to find out."
NoIDidn't Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!! You are going way to far with this okay. I did not sit there and ponder I am going to call him at home...I just did it okay. I love this man and my emotions got the best of me because of something he had JUST did. He will tell you that he understand why but he still wish I did not do it and he is unhappy about it. All I am simply saying is that I dont feel bad about it. Sometimes we do things that we wish we did not do but it happen. He knows that. He is not pissed and all that. He just wish I didnt do it. he has been with me several times since then cause he kinda feels like he brought it on himself a little My point in my preivous post is that we don't do that to those we love. Its unhealthy and really ugly. If tit for tat is the nature of your relationship, its not very healthy. I wasn't posting for you to feel punished. I was posting because you feel totally justified in causing more pain to go around, it was vengeful, and its not exactly a trust builder. His behavior is more understandable when you post about not caring about breaking his trust or jump starting the current predicament.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 And, he joined a church?!! Its over. You will be branded a Delilah or Jezebel in short order. Sorry. And just so you know....he just left talking to me. I did not call him or anything...he just came to where I was and started talking and showing me pictures. Just being cool and nice. So I told you...he know why I did it. he did not like it but he knows.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 My point in my preivous post is that we don't do that to those we love. Its unhealthy and really ugly. If tit for tat is the nature of your relationship, its not very healthy. I wasn't posting for you to feel punished. I was posting because you feel totally justified in causing more pain to go around, it was vengeful, and its not exactly a trust builder. His behavior is more understandable when you post about not caring about breaking his trust or jump starting the current predicament. That is what I am saying...I wasnt trying to get revenge....it just was an emotional bad move....you reading this all wrong. period
mistresswchildren Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!! You are going way to far with this okay. I did not sit there and ponder I am going to call him at home...I just did it okay. I love this man and my emotions got the best of me because of something he had JUST did. He will tell you that he understand why but he still wish I did not do it and he is unhappy about it. All I am simply saying is that I dont feel bad about it. Sometimes we do things that we wish we did not do but it happen. He knows that. He is not pissed and all that. He just wish I didnt do it. he has been with me several times since then cause he kinda feels like he brought it on himself a little I can't say that I blame you. That is how my MM's W found out. I called him in his room (he was in military training), and she answered. He had tole me that they were getting a divorce. Out of sheer shock I blurted out the truth. Didn't mean for that to happen. Sometimes, we just do things on instinct. It just happens. It is not a scheme to get the MM back in our lives for good or to end their M. It is simply a gut reaction to a highly emotionally charged situation. I don't feel bad about it either. It happened. That is all I can say. You do not have to feel remorse for something that he is partly responsible for. If he had told her in the first place, she may not have been shocked. He took vows, you didn't. Does that mean I think the OW's role in all of this is completely innocent? No, but I do feel that it is his responsibility to be honest with his W, not the OW's. When things "come out in the wash," the MM is the one to blame. If he didn't want to get caught, he shouldn't have done anything that she could catch him on.
Author 9Lives Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 I can't say that I blame you. That is how my MM's W found out. I called him in his room (he was in military training), and she answered. He had tole me that they were getting a divorce. Out of sheer shock I blurted out the truth. Didn't mean for that to happen. Sometimes, we just do things on instinct. It just happens. It is not a scheme to get the MM back in our lives for good or to end their M. It is simply a gut reaction to a highly emotionally charged situation. I don't feel bad about it either. It happened. That is all I can say. You do not have to feel remorse for something that he is partly responsible for. If he had told her in the first place, she may not have been shocked. He took vows, you didn't. Does that mean I think the OW's role in all of this is completely innocent? No, but I do feel that it is his responsibility to be honest with his W, not the OW's. When things "come out in the wash," the MM is the one to blame. If he didn't want to get caught, he shouldn't have done anything that she could catch him on. This is what I am saying in a nut shell. It wasnt intentional. And if he was telling the truth...this wouldnt even be a big deal. But hey
NoIDidn't Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 And just so you know....he just left talking to me. I did not call him or anything...he just came to where I was and started talking and showing me pictures. Just being cool and nice. So I told you...he know why I did it. he did not like it but he knows. That is what I am saying...I wasnt trying to get revenge....it just was an emotional bad move....you reading this all wrong. period I know my posts come off "in your face", but you really don't owe me any proof of anything with him. Truth is, I don't care really about what he is or isn't doing. You asked a question. I posted my opinion. Considering I don't know you or him personally, I can only go by what you say or what I perceive. Emotional bad move? I don't know. The subconscious is a powerful motivator. But I digress as it is clear that you've already made your decision concerning my intentions in posting.
Mino Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 The thing is, you (general you) are trusting a man who is sneaking around and lying/deceiving his wife and betraying his whole family. To assume that MM wouldn't lie to an OW is just crazy. The lies may not be malcious, or mean, but they are selfish lies which further him along in the A. Again, telling the W depends on the real reasons. It is unfair to tell W when A starts to go bad, or is ending...Those thoughts of telling aren't even a thought in OW's mind when the A is going well and everything is good. Last thing OW wants during that time is the W to find out...Though, all that changes once the A ends, or changes in a negative way.. I agree.... but whats your op when the w already know about the A. Your up in the air about where they are, would live to talk to w to get better clarity. Whats your take on that, whichwayisup?
Mino Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I don't know, I think some OWs want the wife to find out while the affair is going on, so that she will leave him or know the truth of what's up so that MM will be with OW. Often MM tells OW that the marriage is over, he wants to be with OW, but he just can't hurt his wife by rubbing that in her face, so they have to stay undercover until the divorce is final. OW is wanting the whole time for the wife to find out, except that she's wanting MM to tell her and for there to be as little pain as possible. Obviously she doesn't feel that she should tell the wife of MM will be hurt, and she loves MM. But after she starts to realize MM doesn't love her, or MM never planned for the wife to know, OW still wants the wife to find out but through whatever means possible... because it's what MM told her would happen and she never intended to be a secret side thing forever. I don't know if I'm making sense LOL, I just mean that I disagree that the "Last thing [some] OW wants during [the A] is the W to find out."Nadia, sometimes the w does know. My mm bs knows. She know everyday what time we get off work, and she knows when he is 5-6 hours late, where he is. I asked her why she never cam by to check? She said she didnt need to check, she knew where he was. So it not about rubbing her face in it. But i guess each case is different
GreenEyedLady Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I am just curious what is the behavior of a mm when he leaves home. He is sad or mad or depressed.....what? I think it depends on the man... In my situation, he's been happy most of the time... During the transition it was tough for both of us...We both had anxiety due to all the life changes that were happening...But it didn't hurt us; if anything, it brought us closer...And it had nothing to do with our love or any doubts...It's just what happens when several life-changing decisions are made in a rather short amount of time... If the man is conflicted he's probably more likely to become depressed...
Author 9Lives Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 I think it depends on the man... In my situation, he's been happy most of the time... During the transition it was tough for both of us...We both had anxiety due to all the life changes that were happening...But it didn't hurt us; if anything, it brought us closer...And it had nothing to do with our love or any doubts...It's just what happens when several life-changing decisions are made in a rather short amount of time... If the man is conflicted he's probably more likely to become depressed... Well time will tell. He is definately up and down right now. I am just tryng to keep from getting hurt myself. Right now he is in a good mood. who knows what tomorrow will bring
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