Food4Thought Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Hello all. Kinda freakin' out right now. My ex g/f as of a week emailed me today and I just recieved it. She gave me the boot kinda harshly. I'll try to add the link here to my original post (it's kind of long....I was venting by telling my story). Next I'll post her email....not sure what to think or how/if I should bother responding.....need some insight....thanx Link to original post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t148454/ Now her email: I know this is truly premature and irrational of me to be sending you another email but I so badly miss you. I know you never want me back but I just have to pour my heart out to you because I still love you. First of all, I want you to know that I did not leave you for another guy, I left because I felt I have put you through enough pain and I dont want to hurt you anymore, and it was truly the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life. I know I have been a horrible girlfriend and I am sorry for that. I wish I can change the past but I cant, instead I can just try to fix the future. Katy and I are still thinking of moving out next year and I would still love for you to come with us and I still want to help you move on in life. I still want to be there when you get your degree and have a huge graduation party for you. I also have your cleats too and I am almost tempted to hold them hostage so that I can make sure you come out and play soccer with Katy and I in the summer. I keep hoping that maybe we can find it in our hearts to forgive each other and pick up where we left off but I am not so sure you would ever allow that to happen so I just want to say this. Lets take this time to better ourselves financially, academically, and emotionally. Then a short ways down the road lets get back together and become friends once again. What do you say? Will you do me the honor of being my friend? WTF?!? Really confused here. Edited April 1, 2008 by Food4Thought
dfreeman Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 WOW - if my ex sent me a letter like that, I wouldn't be able to sleep for days! It's like a friend version of a love letter? I'm confused too - good luck figuring it out.
pigeonsid Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Ooh... I dont' know. I say dont' go down the friend road, it only leads to heartache. I'd be a bit wary and protective of yourself because she is talking about 'friendship'. She's not actually saying - let's get back together and try again. Basically, I don't think that your ex is the right person to 'help you move on in life'. You really need to do that without her. But as dfreeman says - this is a hard one. If my ex wrote me something like this, the temptation to just get back in contact and take what I could get would be really difficult to resist. It is up to you in the end.
Chanke4252 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I am about 90% sure that it would be a mistake to attempt reconciliation. At least it always has been in my experience.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I wouldn't respond and I would continue NC. It almost seems like she is purposely giving you mixed signals, which is not cool at all. It sounds like a love letter at first and then ends in saying that she wants to be friends. If she wants more than that, she is gonna' be the one that has to say it, since she is the one that ended it. It's not fair for her to be too prideful, if that is what she is being...and if she wants you as a friend because she misses you, it also seems she wants you as a friend because she feels a lot of guilt for the way that she treated you. I have had this happen to me, in that a guy who treated me badly wanted to remain friends simply (or so it seemed) to alleviate his conscience. Personally, I am not on this Earth to be a source of someone's redemption, so I pass on offers like these. If you want to be with her, I would not contact her until she tells you the same. Otherwise, it's a heartache waiting to happen and it will slow down your healing process. I don't recommend replying and giving in. Who does this girl think she is? Writing to you and wanting to get together for soccer over the summer, thinking that throwing you these crumbs will be enough for you after admittedly treating you very badly? Smells like bull **** to me.
dfreeman Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Here's my response to her e-mail... Yes this letter is truly premature and irrational, and so would agreeing to be friends right now. I sincerely appreciate you reaching out with this gesture, and if my mind changes over time, I will come to you. Take care, ######
Chinook Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I wouldn't respond and I would continue NC. It almost seems like she is purposely giving you mixed signals, which is not cool at all. It sounds like a love letter at first and then ends in saying that she wants to be friends. My .02c she's keeping the door open. She's had a week to think, but she's not sure. I don't think she intends to reconcile, she's just not used to not being in a relationship yet. I'd maintain NC and ignore it.
Author Food4Thought Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) U guys rock!! Thank you for the support and wise counsel (EVRYONE). I've needed some outside perspective I wrote her a letter today, not to give to her but for myself to contemplate my feelings. Basically after I spilled my guts throughout, speaking in complete truths, I came to a conclusion. Basically, the end of the letter says that if a day of friendship between us is to ever come, I need to take a long time to heal and that I would appreciate it if she would not contact me, because I will not respond. And in a couple of years or more, when we are whole and different people, if fate has it that we must cross paths again, it will be nice to speak as friends. And I'm stickin' to it ! Edited April 2, 2008 by Food4Thought
MalachiX Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 I don't know man. It sounds like she wants you back and if you loved her as much as you said you did, you may want to give it another go. She flat out says she'd like to pick up where you guys left off if you're willing to. If you're not, that's fine. But if you are, perhaps you shouldn't close the door and say in a few years you'll be friends. Perhaps as she suggests, if you take the time to find out where you're both at, things can be salvaged. You'll need to be appart for a while certainly and, if you do reconcile, you'll to really reboot things in a way that will prevent what happened in the first place. Bottom line is I know this must be hard as hell. You've got most people on these forums telling you to go total NC and not look back and you've probably got all your friends and family to try to salvage the relationship (at least, that's what happened to me). It sucks because no one who's giving you advice really knows how you feel about the whole thing and perhaps you don't quite know yourself. I think take some time then make a choice if it's worse working on.
Author Food4Thought Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 (edited) Thank you MalachiX. You are correct. I'm intensly conflicted. My heart says one thing, my mind says another. My family and friends advise one thing, other family and friends advise another. Some of you advise one thing, some another. I think what this comes down to is that I need to let my mind and heart settle a little, take a little time here, and go with my gut when I'm ready to make a decision. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I can live with that, and at least I'll know I did what I felt was best. I appreciate everyones comments, advice and wisdom. I appreciate that you've taken time from your grief to help me. I'm gonna hold up for now to think on it a bit. If anyone feels compelled to make comments, of give their thoughts, I openly welcome it Edited April 2, 2008 by Food4Thought
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