eric82 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Exactly! Though the problem is that not all guys understand that. So that's what goes through a woman's head. What goes threw the man's? Obviously with some it comes out of their mouths because they just want to know what you are willing to do and when will you do them. But what about the others? Do they still have good intentions, want to see where it goes to see if there is a possible relationship? But let their curiosity get the better of them? Whether he intends to determine compatibility as soon as possible or he just aims to get his dick wet, either way odds are if he is this hurried and blunt about it, it's because he lacks the charisma to communicate with and understand women on the other level, or he doesn't care enough to try. Does this mean he will be a good lover and work in a lasting relationship? Well, that is for her to discern.
SoleMate Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 When he says, "I really want to have sex with you", yes, that IS sincere.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 When he says, "I really want to have sex with you", yes, that IS sincere. I wasn't questioning that!
Replicant Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I hope that I ask comes out the right way. If a guy is sincere would he bring up sex in any way? I know guys are always thinking about it and I am flirty and don't mind a little banter. If a guy does bring it up should you not talk about it? I do love sex and would want to meet someone compatible in that way, so wouldn't want them to think I am a prude. But I always meet guys who talk about it right away and when I tell them I would like to leave that topic until later then end up disappearing. Of course if that's all they wanted it doesn't matter but is there a middle ground where it's healthy just flirty talk and they aren't just talking about it cause that's all they want? I think really falls within how well you can judge a persons character for one, and after a few dates you should typically know someone on the level relatively well (IMO). Now it doesn't sound like you've been dating some of the sharpest knives in the drawer, but these dudes are probably picking up on a false cue when you are speaking about sex during your first dates. They cut to the chase and make their intentions clear, you postpone it giving them reason to walk. The way i see it is you've sped the process up here weeding out, but also play a part in the drama leaving yourself wondering why and projecting the wrong impression. Honestly if you are holding out for something better, all that conversation will come in time once the relationship is on firm ground....not when initially dating.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 I think really falls within how well you can judge a persons character for one, and after a few dates you should typically know someone on the level relatively well (IMO). Now it doesn't sound like you've been dating some of the sharpest knives in the drawer, but these dudes are probably picking up on a false cue when you are speaking about sex during your first dates. They cut to the chase and make their intentions clear, you postpone it giving them reason to walk. The way i see it is you've sped the process up here weeding out, but also play a part in the drama leaving yourself wondering why and projecting the wrong impression. Honestly if you are holding out for something better, all that conversation will come in time once the relationship is on firm ground....not when initially dating. 1. I didn't date these guys, well past the first anyway. Or at all because of first chat on msn or the phone. 2. I'm not speaking about sex, they bring it up
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 either way odds are if he is this hurried and blunt about it, it's because he lacks the charisma to communicate with and understand women on the other level That is the key. Where do I find men that understand this is the question. Well other than present company.
Replicant Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 1. I didn't date these guys, well past the first anyway. Or at all because of first chat on msn or the phone. 2. I'm not speaking about sex, they bring it up It's the anonymity surrounding using MSN or initial communication over the phone allowed them just to get right to their intentions with you, primarily sex. If they are shut down to them no harm done in just walking away in their point of view, move onto others they are in contact with and will put out. You're getting caught up in a numbers game from trademark losers. There's nothing wrong with talking about sex provided it's at a point both of you are fine doing so, that's all based on maturity and the relationships natural progression etc...But if you exchange banter with these dudes, of course they are going to think they are on target for getting into your pants. Possibly interpreting your banter as being a bright green light and it turns out they're actually colourblind.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Yes I think he could be honest.. I see nothing wrong in asking questions about sex.. we all have our preferences.. It's not worst than asking about physical appearance, their interests, hobbies, etc... sex IS an extremely important part of a relationship.. so I don't see why people can't ask questions about it.. Would you rather meet someone for a month or two, get head over heels for him/her only to find out that they hate oral, or have weird fetishes.. Not me..
fishtaco Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Well, this may come as a shocker, but I enjoy sex in a relationship, well ok, sometimes even without the relationship. So in a way that's a good filter for me. If the woman flips out at the mention of sex, I don't want to date her anyway. The result - every relationship I've been in, my GF has always had high sex drive. I hear frustrated stories from other guys about dating women with low sex drive, hasn't happened to me yet, and I'm happy about that. This works for you too, based on your actions/reactions, you'll filter our certain types of men. So there's no right, no wrong, just what are you looking for. Not everyone is compatible with everyone else. That's what dating is for, you weed out the ones that won't be compatible with you before you commit. The only wrong would be if you really want a man with a high sex drive, but your dating actions are filtering them out and keeping the ones with low sex drive. Not saying that's what you're doing, just an example, and a super simplified one at that, just to prove my point. Because then as you can see, you're shooting yourself in the foot. So if that's what you want, you want to filter out guys that bring up sex, then good for you. Those are probably men you DON'T want to date anyway. But they could be a good match for someone else, say Lizzie60. She doesn't mind, and if they qualify for the other attributes that Lizzie60 is looking for, hey, good times awaiting and everybody wins.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 It's the anonymity surrounding using MSN or initial communication over the phone allowed them just to get right to their intentions with you, primarily sex. If they are shut down to them no harm done in just walking away in their point of view, move onto others they are in contact with and will put out. You're getting caught up in a numbers game from trademark losers. There's nothing wrong with talking about sex provided it's at a point both of you are fine doing so, that's all based on maturity and the relationships natural progression etc...But if you exchange banter with these dudes, of course they are going to think they are on target for getting into your pants. Possibly interpreting your banter as being a bright green light and it turns out they're actually colourblind. MSN or phone were just examples of initial communication, meeting in person as well but when they keep asking questions and don't know much else about me then time to shut it down. Why would I want to keep dating them? I knew in my gut it's all the wanted to know, but I'm also not a man which is why I posted the question. I never said that there is anything wrong with it and mentioned that I do enjoy it and talking about it. Talking about it wasn't my concern, it's when they bring it up right away, when they hardly even know me. I have only ever exchanged banter with guys It's obvious that all they want is sex and just passing time, having temp fun cause I know I won't be talking to them again.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Yes I think he could be honest.. I see nothing wrong in asking questions about sex.. we all have our preferences.. It's not worst than asking about physical appearance, their interests, hobbies, etc... sex IS an extremely important part of a relationship.. so I don't see why people can't ask questions about it.. Would you rather meet someone for a month or two, get head over heels for him/her only to find out that they hate oral, or have weird fetishes.. Not me.. Talking about it wasn't my concern, of course I would want to talk about it. To make sure we are on the same page and are compatible. My concern was when it was brought up, first conversation/date and so on.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Talking about it wasn't my concern, of course I would want to talk about it. To make sure we are on the same page and are compatible. My concern was when it was brought up, first conversation/date and so on. Well why not.. if the 'preferences' can be brought up on the first conversation I don't see why 'sex' can't.. What is it with people.. why is 'sex' such a 'bad thing' .. it's part of life.. geezzzz..
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Well why not.. if the 'preferences' can be brought up on the first conversation I don't see why 'sex' can't.. What is it with people.. why is 'sex' such a 'bad thing' .. it's part of life.. geezzzz.. Sex isn't a bad thing, very good actually. Besides what most may thing regarding my thread I actually do have a high sex drive, love it and talking about it. But there is a time and place, because it can show that the person is interested in that only. Not in who you are as a person, especially when they want to know the answer to every sex question imaginable and don't know a think about you otherwise.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Sex isn't a bad thing, very good actually. Besides what most may thing regarding my thread I actually do have a high sex drive, love it and talking about it. But there is a time and place, because it can show that the person is interested in that only. Not in who you are as a person, especially when they want to know the answer to every sex question imaginable and don't know a think about you otherwise. Oh well.. if the guy is ONLY interested in this aspect then that's up to you to decide if he's a good candidate or not for dating.. you got to trust your gut about people..
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 There's nothing wrong with having sex with someone. There's something wrong with having sex with someone and it be the only premise of your connection, if that's not what you're looking for. In immediately jumping in the sack, you've not allowed the "like" aspect, to build. Instead, you're relying on the physical to be some form of "retaining" mechanism. Not good enough if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 There's nothing wrong with having sex with someone. There's something wrong with having sex with someone and it be the only premise of your connection, if that's not what you're looking for. In immediately jumping in the sack, you've not allowed the "like" aspect, to build. Instead, you're relying on the physical to be some form of "retaining" mechanism. Not good enough if you're looking for a serious relationship. I wasn't even asking about having sex with someone right away. I was concerned with when a guy brings up the topic during the first conversation or date. If it's a sign that's all he wants or if he can still be serious about wanting a relationship. But when he wants to know about those details before knowing anything else about me I personally doubt it.
Trialbyfire Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 I wasn't even asking about having sex with someone right away. I was concerned with when a guy brings up the topic during the first conversation or date. If it's a sign that's all he wants or if he can still be serious about wanting a relationship. But when he wants to know about those details before knowing anything else about me I personally doubt it. If you're not comfortable discussing it right away, you dodge the question, with a sidestep. Since you don't know him well, it's pretty much the only thing he's going to be interested in, right away. It's a test of some kind too. If you're willing to get right into it, it's going to define the pace.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 If you're not comfortable discussing it right away, you dodge the question, with a sidestep. Since you don't know him well, it's pretty much the only thing he's going to be interested in, right away. It's a test of some kind too. If you're willing to get right into it, it's going to define the pace. Nothing to do with comfort really. I am fine with the topic itself. It's the timing that I am not comfortable with and intentions may be behind it.
Replicant Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Nothing to do with comfort really. I am fine with the topic itself. It's the timing that I am not comfortable with and intentions may be behind it. You've answered you're own question then. Dig in your heels and stick to that mindset, then cannot say you've gone wrong in weeding out the undesirable.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 You've answered you're own question then. Dig in your heels and stick to that mindset, then cannot say you've gone wrong in weeding out the undesirable. True and maybe I partly knew that already. But I was curious if even though in my mind the timing is wrong and to me that shows their intentions if it meant in their minds it's all they are looking for. If some men could still be genuine and looking for a relationship but just have bad timing, just not thinking about it.
Recommended Posts