Sweets1919 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 (edited) Hi everyone, Since last week I have been seriously doubting my relationship with my bf. Many kind posters on LS have given me great advice and I have been listening to my heart and I don't think it is in my relationship anymore. Basically I am 34 and my bf is 31 and we've been together a year and a half. It is a long distance relationship and although he has mentioned "getting married" one day, whenever I try to talk to him about moving forward in our relationship he skirts the issue or comes up with excuses (not enough money, busy, not sure, only dating a short time, give it another year). Well last week I was at home visiting friends and family out of province, had a great time and started wondering why I feel like I am putting my life on hold, "hoping" that bf will propose by the end of the year (as he said he would) and "hope" for a wedding next year. I also started questioning if we were truly a good match that was compatible in terms of our interests, values and life goals. Many on LS have advised that he seems controlling and selfish and unwilling to compromise. I wondered if I would still get my needs met by moving from my city of a million to his town of 2000. I also thought about missing my family back home and how I would be able to maintain connections with family/friends if I were going to be in Alberta. I needed to get control back in my life. I started asking him questions about things that we don't talk about: how often we could go visit my family (he often declines), how we would integrate religion into our lives (he wants his future children to go to Catholic church though he has only gone three times in a year and a half), where we would live (he insists on staying in his small town - not negotiable), the fact that he does not like to socialize so how would I make friends in his small town, and negative things he has said about my friends and my brother. Last night we talked and I told him how I was feeling as he had picked up on something being "different". So then tonight (and last night) I was not prepared to break up with him and end it right away. I am a chicken!! We talked and he listened, he tried to rationalize me out of my feelings. So I said to him "let's just see how it goes" - certainly not forever but long enough for us to further assess how the relationship is meeting our needs and if it is "working" for us. I figured that's pretty much what we've been doing for the last year and a half by dating (as we are not engaged so to me that means he is not 100% sure either). He said "let's just see how it goes?? That's not good enough for me. I am not just going to sit around and wait for you to make up your mind". We didn't break up and I told him that I was not prepared to say all was well because it is not and I can't ignore my feelings. What do you think about the fact that he is saying he is unwilling to "see how it goes" when I suggest it although he has not made a formal commitment to me? (And I doubt I would want that from him at this point anyway, but he just seems hypocritical!!) Edited April 1, 2008 by Sweets1919
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