peace_pipe Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 This doesn't include manhood chest beaters... What's a manhood chest beater? A wife-beater with beer stains?
D-Jam Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Men who will come over to your house cuz you are sick or had a short trip to the ER Men who no matter how busy/tired he is, will go to your house and see you because you had a horrible day and you requested a dinner date with him THAT NIGHT (not when is convenient for him) Men who will miss the game to have a date with you Men who notice its been a week since he last saw you and cant wait to see you Men who will go out of their way to be with you Men with whom you dont have to wonder where they stand with you. They are clear about their feelings and are glad to let you know *Raises hand* The problem is that no matter how much I try to be a "good man", or how many women claim they want all those things, it's still a question of attraction and chemistry. I've seen women write those things, then see me and wonder why I won't hook up with them, thinking we'll have a storybook life. They neglect to recognize that maybe I don't see them as someone I would like to be with. Maybe they are very fat, or have loads of baggage, or live way too far away, or have a bunch of kids that I don't want to deal with. They can stand there and say "you're shallow" but I see it all as that the attraction and chemistry wasn't there to take things to love. Same deal with women who reject me. Maybe I am not what they want. Maybe they want a guy who is more buff, drives a fast car, watches football on weekends as opposed to checking out gallery openings. I don't stand there and fault those women for what they like...I just say it wasn't a good match. For all the women who make those lists of things they want a man to do, bear in mind that you should be able to see early on if this guy will be like that. Don't "hope" he'll be like that...know it. PLUS...have the guts to walk away from him if you know he won't treat you the way you want to be. So if he'll never do any of those things on that list, and most of the time things are blah or unhappy in the relationship, then leave it. Don't sit there thinking you might find a new guy first, or think things will change if you nag enough...JUST LEAVE AND LOOK FOR BETTER. How do good relationships start? They start when TWO PEOPLE are out for the same thing, and have that connection. Too many people seem to think one person can make it all happen. Takes two to tango. Bad day...as you could tell...and bf didnt help Hope you have a better night.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 What's a manhood chest beater? A wife-beater with beer stains? "I am a man, I am a man, bow before me, I am a man, I deserve to always run the show because I dangle. I am a man."
D-Jam Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 In my personal experience, most of the guys I have dated have all started out the way you describe. What I cannot figure out is what makes them change and become so comfortable so as to stop putting forth any effort whatsoever. The "decent man" thing is an act those guys put on to get you. Once they know things are comfortable and you're not going to easily leave, then they will drop all the gentlemanly conduct. I've seen guys say "sleep with the girl ASAP. that way she'll get emotionally attached and won't easily leave you" This should give you an idea of how a lot (not all) guys think. Bear that in mind when you date guys...always be ready to open your mouth when you see something you don't like, but also make sure he's comfortable in his life with you and you're not being a constant nag for silly little things. Finally, if he is not being good to you and he's not going to change or do better for you, then leave. I tell guys never to take BS from women and to walk when it all comes out with no chance of anything changing for the better. I tell you women to do the same. If people would break things off early on as opposed to dragging out a miserable time that won't get better, there wouldn't be so many cynics and even divorces out there. Plus many of the "bad people" will change or think about it since they won't be rewarded anymore for their behavior.
witabix Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I have been wondering a while now.....this is mostly for women with men like the one Im about to describe...or men who are like these themselves... Men who will come over to your house cuz you are sick or had a short trip to the ER Yes, definately. Men who no matter how busy/tired he is, will go to your house and see you because you had a horrible day and you requested a dinner date with him THAT NIGHT (not when is convenient for him) No, definately, I am not a pet, to be yanked on a chain. Men who will miss the game to have a date with you You will have at least 50% of those dates at the game. Men who notice its been a week since he last saw you and cant wait to see you Notice that its been a WEEK! You date some unperceptive people do you? Men who will go out of their way to be with you Don't know what this means.....is it going to a bar down the street via Hong Kong to pick you up? Men with whom you dont have to wonder where they stand with you. They are clear about their feelings and are glad to let you know Absolutlely right there are. How do good relationships start? Let me count the ways....... Im at a point where I dont belive there is such a thing. Im at a point where I dont believe i'll find a man who could care enough to put an effort to be with me. Sorry about that. Bad day...as you could tell...and bf didnt help Is he meant to? What kind of day/life is he having? Are you focussing too much on what you want someone else to do for you? Ask not what your boyfriend can do for you, ask what can I do for my boyfriend, that was Kennedy wasn't it?
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) The "laundry list" in the OP is unrealistic, and longing for it is to want a "subservient relationship " indeed. I think perhaps what she is looking for is a reciprocal relationship ;_; Hopefully what she is looking for are things she would do in return. Or, the equivalent in her man's currency. Edited April 3, 2008 by soulseeker
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Food for thought, for the men who believe that women are more needy and want to make men subservient. Are women more needy or is it because women provide warm and fuzzies, so that men feel more secure in their relationships? If a woman expects reciprocal treatment, based on providing relationship security to men, is this considered a requirement for subservience or simply basic human need?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 (edited) I think perhaps what she is looking for is a reciprocal relationship ;_; Hopefully what she is looking for are things she would do in return. Yup i am. And looking at your responses, and looking at what he does for me...i may actually have it, but i guess my insecurity would want him to be p*ssy wiped to leave me be in peace. Thats the sad conclusion ive come to. He's listened to everything ive requested of him, yet, i still want more. I honestly feel bad for him. Id hate to try to do my best and still come up short. I love him very much, and I dont want to lose him. He is a strong man who wont be manipulated. YEt he has still given in to my requests for more time, more commitment. Maybe not as fast as I would want (as in took us a bit to become serious) but he's gotten there...yet that still not enough for me sometimes. I got issues people SOmetimes I wonder where the irrational feelings come from. In my head I know he is a good guy who cares for me, he's proven himself over and over...yet im still looking out for when he's gonna show me he isnt that great after all. Sad days ******* Wow, as I read over other posts regarding bcp and depression, im starting to wonder if all these irrational thoughts have to do with my coming off the pill. Ive felt very depressed and stressed for a week, which is when I stopped the pill.......hm... Edited April 3, 2008 by 4givrnt4gtr
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 So move forward from today. You've recognized that perhaps you havent been acknowledging, to him, all the things he does do for you, so change it. I bet you dont even have to talk to him about it anymore, just change. And stop beating yourself up over it. Recognizing things that we need to change about ourselves in order to be in a healthy relationship, and then working on those things, is admirable. Most people cant even see the things in them that are not positive traits. Good for you I am working on this as well.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Food for thought, for the men who believe that women are more needy and want to make men subservient. Are women more needy or is it because women provide warm and fuzzies, so that men feel more secure in their relationships? If a woman expects reciprocal treatment, based on providing relationship security to men, is this considered a requirement for subservience or simply basic human need? hmmmm thats a thought.... I do believe men are more secured in R because in general women tend to make it quite obvious where they stand in relation to the relationship. Men on the other hand...dont even think about it.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 So move forward from today. You've recognized that perhaps you havent been acknowledging, to him, all the things he does do for you, so change it. I bet you dont even have to talk to him about it anymore, just change. And stop beating yourself up over it. Recognizing things that we need to change about ourselves in order to be in a healthy relationship, and then working on those things, is admirable. Most people cant even see the things in them that are not positive traits. Good for you I am working on this as well. thanks, I gotta get a hold on my emotions though. Lately they've been taking me for a ride.
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Men on the other hand...dont even think about it. I dont think that is true. I know my bf wants me to feel secure in our relationship. It's actually a benefit to a man if his partner knows how he feels about her.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I dont think that is true. I know my bf wants me to feel secure in our relationship. It's actually a benefit to a man if his partner knows how he feels about her. Actually, it's one of the biggest power plays a playah uses. It's a push/pull technique, where if you keep the woman off-balance, she will remain more dependent and her attention will remain obsessively fixed on you.
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 thanks, I gotta get a hold on my emotions though. Lately they've been taking me for a ride. Ok, but just acknowledge that you are having an emotional day. No harm, everyone has them. Dont beat yourself up for it. If you are supposed to talk to your bf today, maybe let him know that you are having a bad day and need some space to recharge. Would that work? What would he say?
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Actually, it's one of the biggest power plays a playah uses. It's a push/pull technique, where if you keep the woman off-balance, she will remain more dependent and her attention will remain obsessively fixed on you. Well, I mean in a healthy relationship. Why would a guy who really loves you not want you to know it? Guys?
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 I dont think that is true. I know my bf wants me to feel secure in our relationship. It's actually a benefit to a man if his partner knows how he feels about her. True but what i meant is that sometime they dont even realize their woman is not secured so they dont reassure them about their standing. They assume that since they are with them, it should only be obvious that they love their gfs. AS in "if i didnt love her I wouldnt be with her" type of thing.
Trialbyfire Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Well, I mean in a healthy relationship. Why would a guy who really loves you not want you to know it? Guys? Insecurity in not wanting to show weakness, although your reference to healthy relationship, is kinda' all encompassing, don'tcha' think? 90% of relationships are dysfunctional in some way so it's up to both partners to find some way to compromise/give/take their way to a more healthy stance, per situ.
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 True but what i meant is that sometime they dont even realize their woman is not secured so they dont reassure them about their standing. They assume that since they are with them, it should only be obvious that they love their gfs. AS in "if i didnt love her I wouldnt be with her" type of thing. Right. I get it. So I guess with reflection, you are getting what you need from your bf?
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Insecurity in not wanting to show weakness, although your reference to healthy relationship, is kinda' all encompassing, don'tcha' think? 90% of relationships are dysfunctional in some way so it's up to both partners to find some way to compromise/give/take their way to a more healthy stance, per situ. I think there are degrees of dysfunction. I think a healthy relationship has some dysfunction to it, that's just how people are. There is a distinct difference between healthy dysfunction and dysfunctional dysfuction. As you get at above. I dunno, I am lucky right now, as my bf is a pretty exceptional communicator. He allows himself to be vulnerable with me.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Ok, but just acknowledge that you are having an emotional day. No harm, everyone has them. Dont beat yourself up for it. If you are supposed to talk to your bf today, maybe let him know that you are having a bad day and need some space to recharge. Would that work? What would he say? Actually, its been going on for a few days. Just a lot of things thrown together from a trip to the ER last week to getting reprimended at work for nonesense. However ,what i noticed is that in general i am not very emotional Im very even keeled and these feeling are very unlike me. All this rollercoaster began when I began taking birth control pills (about two months after I started dating bf) and this sudden sharp fall began after the ER trip when i stopped the pills. Anyway, he had to deal with it last nite when I broke down in tears after my sister yelled at me over the phone. I guess its quite clear im a tad emotional these days
soulseeker Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Actually, its been going on for a few days. Just a lot of things thrown together from a trip to the ER last week to getting reprimended at work for nonesense. However ,what i noticed is that in general i am not very emotional Im very even keeled and these feeling are very unlike me. All this rollercoaster began when I began taking birth control pills (about two months after I started dating bf) and this sudden sharp fall began after the ER trip when i stopped the pills. Anyway, he had to deal with it last nite when I broke down in tears after my sister yelled at me over the phone. I guess its quite clear im a tad emotional these days Well, you seem pretty clear on what's happening. The fact that you are able to take a step back and see it, that's great!
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted April 3, 2008 Author Posted April 3, 2008 Well, you seem pretty clear on what's happening. The fact that you are able to take a step back and see it, that's great! Ya...thanks to LS!! I wouldnt have connected my being off the pills to being so emotionally reactive if i hadnt read it here. You guys rule
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