Author AppleV Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Thank you for your support Carhill - and everyone. Ya Know, this is my 2nd M. Got married 1st time waaaaay too young, and ultimately divorced. My mother told me I should go to IC, I balked at that, what for? I was too young and fell out of love - simple as that right? What the hell did I know - I thought I could walk on my hands at 22! I really wish I had listened to her now - she was right when she said you dont want to take issues with you into future relationships.... Sigh....sometimes mothers DO know best. Must get ready for work now - will post tomorrow. Wish me luck
BetrayedMM Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Telling him right now would not be the right move. I want him to know the facts of our relationship before I even contemplate telling him about A. I think its important for him to know the reasons BEFORE i tell him, rather then after. Make sense?Sure does. Excuses first, truth next. Maybe he won't be as mad if you can convince him it's his fault first. If you can't convince him he deserves it, you get a feel of how he's going to take it, and maybe even decide not to tell him after all. Can't say I agree with that approach. It'll backfire for sure. Good luck.
Darth Vader Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 Apple, is it better to come clean with hubby now, hurt him a little, or Ride some other man, and hurt him A LOT?!
carhill Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 You know, the drinking and smoking weed might factor into her decision....
Lizzie60 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 I don't think that MC can give you back the love you have lost for your H.. I think that once 'love' is gone, it's gone. I don't believe in miracle. The only thing I can see here is that you have a 'serious' talk with your boss and tell him that you NO LONGER want to be around him.. the temptation is too strong. He should understand that. Make sure you avoid being with him as much as you can. It's the only way.. NOT to be together. I say DON'T tell your husband, it will only make your and his life more miserable for absolutely no reason.. you didn't have sex with him.. it wasn't a major A... I honestly don't see any other 'avenue'.. Good luck!
Tripper Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 Apple, I get the feeling that this whole thread is dancing around the symptoms, ie: the affair and missing the main issues. TBH I would not have married him if I wasnt pregnant - not sure I would still be with him at all. I know thats a really **** reason to get married, but I do love him and I really wanted to make it work for the sake of our son. From the original post I've quoted, my understanding is that the only reason you married him and want to make this work is because you got pregnant. Yet, you say you love him. That is confusing. You love him but wouldn't necessarily be with him?? I think you may be kidding yourself. If you really love him then list 3 reasons or things about why you love him?? Humor me... I'm curious... MC is a great tool, but you need to have a relationship built on trust, respect and love for long term commitment. Do you think you have those things?? And honestly you've broken the trust by having an A... so that needs to be rebuilt. The deeper issue is not why you had the A; that's the outcome of your unhappiness. Rather it's what's causing your unhappiness in the relationship. If you don't want to address the issues with openness and honesty ie: tell the truth about your A, then you go into MC under the premise of a lie. What would be the point of trying to repair the M and THEN 'fess up about the A?? For all you know that could be the deal breaker for your H. I'm not trying to be harsh, but it's time to put all the cards on the table. Only then can you decide how to proceed.
Author AppleV Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 Yes Tripper, I know exactly what you are saying, ands if I were giving ME advice I would say the same thing. But I cant do it. I want a marriage based on 100% honesty and trust - who doesnt? But I seem to be failing dismally at this. Why did I marry him? Honestly, we had a quickie marriage 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant because his union and insurance would not cover me if I wasnt his spouse, regardless that I was having his child. It was 'be his wife or youre on your own' so I guess we didnt really marry under the usual 'I love you ,wanna be with u 4ever' scenario. Oh God I just read that and cant help thinking how depresssing that is. Anyway, 3 reasons why I love him: - Hes so kind, to his mother and to a stranger in the store! - he lets me be who I am (no sarcastic comments here please) - hes so good with our son, when i watch him with him, hes so bowled over with love, it just blows me away He really does have so many wonderful qualities, but I feel like his best friend, not his wife.
carhill Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 He really does have so many wonderful qualities, but I feel like his best friend, not his wife. Interesting how that works..... Would you feel safe if you told him about your A with your boss? Physically safe? If yes, and he "feels" like your best friend, consider it.
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