Lovable Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 What would you do: Find out or not? My story in the shortened version; Was in a relationship with someone I believe to be The One, for a number of years and we couldn't be closer it felt so right. I broke it off a couple of years ago because amongst other things we went through a hard time, and I couldn't handle it. We both lost ourselves for a while. As retrospect would have it, I regretted it. It was a major mistake to leave him. He briefly saw another person after me, it was a rebound situation which he admitted, and I didn't know he was seeing anyone when I wanted to get back together. I told him how I felt and he said he was with someone, and that I was hurting him by doing that to him. He said it had made him torn. He remained friends with me, as we always had, and this was extremely painful for me to do. I tried to distance myself and succeeded. A number of weeks later he came to me telling me he had realised he wanted to be with me. That he had been waiting for that day I'd come back but it took him aback and put him into a situation when he had to end it with this other woman and he didn't want to hurt her, but deep down she knew he and I would find our way back to each other, she was going to get hurt. And here's where I become really stupid.. I pushed him away, after hearing everything I ever wanted to. In the time he had wanted to remain friends, I had started to convince myself to get over him and not hope for anything. And I didn't feel right about him not being honest with the person he was with. We argued, he tried very hard to get me to see how he felt, that we should be together, and he said he'd only leave me alone if I could honestly tell him I did not love him. So he could move on. Well I didn't tell him that, he knew I couldn't, because it was a lie. We've stayed in regular contact, and spoken on the phone a few times since then. It's been about 6 months and I want to make things right, I don't want to mess with him, I know what I want and it is him. We talk regularly and everything seems right between us, he even flirts with me, calls me sweetheart etc, though he has a new girlfriend, a very new one of a month or two, but he doesn't say much about her to me, he talks about everything to me, but her. He said once that they were talking about marriage in a couple of months... Some people tell me it's of convenience rather than love, and that he is waiting for me. I don't know if he is sending me mixed signals. Basically I don't want to miss my chance once and for all. But I do NOT want to hurt him, or this other woman, if they are really happy. But it would break my heart to never be able to tell him, in the fear that he may still love me. Is it right of me to still see if there's something there? I haven't told him how I feel yet but I can feel it bursting out of me, I just don't know what to do.
mlchris2 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I think you have every right to see if something is still there. I would lay it out all on the line. If it is eating at you that bad, you need to get it out and get closure. Dont hold back. If you get the response your looking for... my advice is to make sure he is in this 100%, else its not going to work. Make sure he's willing to give up the GF. It may be a long road to recovery. I suggest taking it slow... start out as friends and move back to partners. If you dont get the response youre looking for... ask him why and leave it at that. As hard as it's going to be. Move on. Take that experience and learn from it. Make yourself into a better person, what not to do and what to do in a relationship. Take time to do things for yourself. Go on vacation, hang with family and friends. Those feelings will always be there, but you have to not react on them, for his and his GF sake. It will take time, but soon you will be able to move on and find someone just like him... if not better. hope that helps.
Author Lovable Posted April 2, 2008 Author Posted April 2, 2008 Well, I laid it all out on the line. I haven't heard anything back yet. But I don't anticipate anything so soon. In all reality do you think I have much of a chance given the history behind us?
mlchris2 Posted April 3, 2008 Posted April 3, 2008 truthfully i would TRY and remain friends, move on, better yourself. If it happens it happens. You dont know whats going to happen... you might be some wonderful guy who treats you right... you might find yourself being happy alone. He might call it quits with his present GF and realize he wants to be with you. I would try to put it in the past and work towards the future. I know its hard, cause I was in a similar spot a few years ago. it will take time, but it will happen. I have a motto, everything happens for a reason. some people think it total BS, but to each their own. MC
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