TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Another question... I've asked my GF of almost 2 years to move in with me. She doesn't like change, comes from a VERY overprotective family and is afraid to make a committment. When I bring it up, she usually pulls back in the relationship. She says she needs to move out of her parents house and live on her own for a few months to show herself she can "make it on her own" before co-habitating, but she hasn't ruled it out. She's been looking for an apartment, but now her mother (who wants me to marry her daughter) is telling her she should buy a house instead of rent. Her mother controls\knows how to manipulate her. Her mother isn't happy in her own relationship with her husband, and because she is a homemaker, is dependent on her husband and can't afford to leave him. She doesn't want her daughter to ever feel that way. Our relationship is good until her mother throws that at her. Last week, my GF said to me that "IF" she were to move in with me at some point, she'd need a closet for her wardrobe. I'm almost afraid to ask her again if she means she wants to move in. Feel like I'm walking on thin ice lately. What gives? Does she want to move in or not?
Krytie TV Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Based on her behavior, are you sure that would be a good thing? Hot/cold people can be very painful to be with. Add in an overinvolved family and it seems like it would be hell. I wish you luck.
dreamergrl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 This reminds me of a thread about a guy who's gf wanted to break it off because she had known nothing but him. She moved in with him, missed all the late teens early 20's stuff... I have to wonder with overprotective parents - if her hopping from them to you would be good for her, and eventually lead down the same path as above - when she starts getting that urge to be more independent.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think it's a good idea for her to move out of her parents' house and get a place of her own... before she moves in with you. This could be important for her.. to feel that she can survive on her own.. that she doesn't need someone to support her. Give her some space and encourage her independance.
Author TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 She had an apartment while in college in her 20's, but moved back home after college. For some reason, she's having a very hard time taking the next step with me and has even admitted having committment issues. When she told her mother she was thinking of going to a psychologist, her mother said joyfully, "I'm happy. It's about time." Her family would like nothing better than for her to marry me and they've made that very clear. That pressure adds to the problem. I don't know why she's scared to move foward with me and it's affecting the relationship...and if i bring it up to talk about it, it's more pressure. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.
dreamergrl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 You can't force the unwilling.. or unready... it sounds like you two are on two different pages. You could either deal with where she's at and be supportive or move on to try and find someone who's ready for what you want in a relationship.
lovestruck818 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Another question... I've asked my GF of almost 2 years to move in with me. She doesn't like change, comes from a VERY overprotective family and is afraid to make a committment. When I bring it up, she usually pulls back in the relationship. She says she needs to move out of her parents house and live on her own for a few months to show herself she can "make it on her own" before co-habitating, but she hasn't ruled it out. She's been looking for an apartment, but now her mother (who wants me to marry her daughter) is telling her she should buy a house instead of rent. Her mother controls\knows how to manipulate her. Her mother isn't happy in her own relationship with her husband, and because she is a homemaker, is dependent on her husband and can't afford to leave him. She doesn't want her daughter to ever feel that way. Our relationship is good until her mother throws that at her. Last week, my GF said to me that "IF" she were to move in with me at some point, she'd need a closet for her wardrobe. I'm almost afraid to ask her again if she means she wants to move in. Feel like I'm walking on thin ice lately. What gives? Does she want to move in or not? I do have to say her mom is right when it comes to the whole buying vs. renting thing...
Kiss Dont Miss Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 So your GF has graduated from the college and returned to her parents' home. Sounds strange. If she has already lived on her own (she knows how it feels) she can be pretty ready to move in with you. I think she loves you, but is really afraid of upsetting her mom or maybe dad. They want you to get married. And see it as the best solution. It seems they don't like the idea of your co-habitating. The best way out for your GF is to live apart from her parents for some time. Her mom won't press her for your getting married. And you can to spend more time together.
lovelorcet Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I do have to say her mom is right when it comes to the whole buying vs. renting thing... I completely disagree... Sit down and calculate the the cost of buying a house or renting something for a few years... Epically in a housing market that just devalued at the record level of 11.6%. She does not sound like she is looking to settle for the rest of her life right now. She should get her own place and have the feeling that she is on her own two feet. Trust me man this is the kind of thing that will come back in a few years and bite you in the ass. Let her figure her own stuff out on her own. That is what she is telling you she wants and let her do that.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 She had an apartment while in college in her 20's, but moved back home after college. For some reason, she's having a very hard time taking the next step with me and has even admitted having committment issues. When she told her mother she was thinking of going to a psychologist, her mother said joyfully, "I'm happy. It's about time." Her family would like nothing better than for her to marry me and they've made that very clear. That pressure adds to the problem. I don't know why she's scared to move foward with me and it's affecting the relationship...and if i bring it up to talk about it, it's more pressure. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. Well, have you asked her why she is scared? Communication is soooooo important in a relationship, esp. if living together. It sounds to me like you are putting some pressure on her for something she isn't ready for. I think you should talk to her about it, in a non-threatening way. Just ask her why is she is scared to take that next step, and if she says she just isn't ready for that type of committment yet (which it sounds like thats what she has already told you) then BACK OFF. You can't make someone move in with you, I mean just because she isn't ready right now, doesn't mean she won't be ready in teh future. I agree with the other posters, that you need to back off. If she isn't ready you can't make her. Not to be mean, but from what you've saiid, she's already told you how she feels you just don't want to hear it. So either continue your relationship and wait until she is ready or move on to someone who is more ready for a serious committment.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Are you even happy with her, dude? I mean its really important for you and for her future too. If you see some potential in her, well, you should rip her out of her mothers hands. These broads living their lives through their children are the second dangerous species in the world. You know a rattlesnake can poison you but it wont bite you every day. First solve that sex problem. Thats alfa and omega. Seems to me she is not so hot for you and that sex issues can be reason for it. You should start some offensive to take the lead out of her mothers hands and set her free. Maybe she will be happy when you start calling the shots.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I do have to say her mom is right when it comes to the whole buying vs. renting thing... That completely depends. One has to be able to maintain a house, in addition to simply paying the mortgage and utilities. This includes saving up for repairs to items that are normally covered under apartment living (water heaters, dishwashers, etc.)... Also, buying and selling a house in a short period of time is a loser situation in the current market. Someone pays 3-6% up front to the realtor and again on the sale. So if you're not planning on staying in the house for very long, it's also a bad idea. It's not that simple of a decision.
lovestruck818 Posted April 2, 2008 Posted April 2, 2008 That completely depends. One has to be able to maintain a house, in addition to simply paying the mortgage and utilities. This includes saving up for repairs to items that are normally covered under apartment living (water heaters, dishwashers, etc.)... Also, buying and selling a house in a short period of time is a loser situation in the current market. Someone pays 3-6% up front to the realtor and again on the sale. So if you're not planning on staying in the house for very long, it's also a bad idea. It's not that simple of a decision. Well in terms of maintenance and upkeep, if you get a co-op or condo, you can pay a small fee a month (maint. fee) and that stuff is all taken care of for you. I currently own a condominimum on the beach and I pay probably 3 quarters the amount a month for my mortgage than my friends who rent equitable beachfront property as well. The math just doesn't work out in your favour when you rent...and buying also allows you to build equity.
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