TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 My GF of almost 2 years rarely initiates sex and rarely gives me oral, unless I hint at it. I give it to her all the time. She is very stressed in general and I think this has something to do with it. I don't think she's lost interest in me, as she does a lot of thoughtful things for me and sends me cards with her own thoughts from her heart about how happy she is with me, but her actions in the sexual area are different. I've tried many different things from sex toys, new positions, locations, etc to spice things up, but she's always stressed and tired. I'm about to give up, because I need to have sex on a "relatively frequent" basis, not once every 2 weeks if I initiate it. What do I do?
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 My GF of almost 2 years rarely initiates sex and rarely gives me oral, unless I hint at it. I give it to her all the time. She is very stressed in general and I think this has something to do with it. I don't think she's lost interest in me, as she does a lot of thoughtful things for me and sends me cards with her own thoughts from her heart about how happy she is with me, but her actions in the sexual area are different. I've tried many different things from sex toys, new positions, locations, etc to spice things up, but she's always stressed and tired. I'm about to give up, because I need to have sex on a "relatively frequent" basis, not once every 2 weeks if I initiate it. What do I do? Typical.. typical.... This is very common.. unfortunately.. It's not you.. A lot of people are just sexually 'lazy' and have no interest in love-making. I don't think stress has anything to do with it.. I think she's plain lazy sexually.. Have a good 'serious' talk with her.. Good luck!.. I very much doubt it will change.. when someone is NOT sexual.. she/he is just NOT sexual..
Author TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Thx. She seemed sexual when we first met and I always seem to get her VERY wet almost instantly. She says she loves sex and I don't think there's anyone else, since she is so overwhelmed with work that she wouldn't have time for anyone else. She still kisses me for no reason and massages me, etc but when it comes to the act, she rarely initiates unless she's buzzed or drunk (twice in the last year) . Then we have FANTASTIC sex. All she ever wants to do is sleep, always has migranes and is stressed, even when she's home. She even blows her girlfriends off on occasion. I think she's just very depressed lately. I've been trying to get her to go to a psychologist, even gave her some names. She even looked some up, but doesn't follow through because she's scared to go to one. UGH!
tree-seeking missile Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Why not go with her? If you would be intruding on her private space by doing so, the two of you could always see a relationship counsellor which is generally accepted to be a shared thing.
Krytie TV Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 This won't just get better... just a warning. It will become more painful to you as time goes on. Don't expect the lack of sexual interest to just magically change one day. Based on this post and your other one, I don't see many positive signs of a long and happy relationshp in your future.
Author TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 I've suggested that if she wanted, I would go with her. 2 weeks ago, I told her she had 3 weeks to show me that she wants this relationship by looking for a place of her own, going to a counsler or finding someother way of showing me I'm not wasting my time. She was very responsive for the first week, then everything else started getting in the way...i.e. her mom, her friend's wedding shower (my GF is planning the shower), etc. I've thought of extending the time by another week, due to all of the things she has going on, but don't want to seem like a wuss. What I basically said was, If things don't seem to be improving in 3 weeks, I'm going to start looking around. She said that's not what she wants and that she'll go see a doctor and started looking immediately. She even asked me for help locating some last night.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Thx. She seemed sexual when we first met and I always seem to get her VERY wet almost instantly. She says she loves sex and I don't think there's anyone else, since she is so overwhelmed with work that she wouldn't have time for anyone else. She still kisses me for no reason and massages me, etc but when it comes to the act, she rarely initiates unless she's buzzed or drunk (twice in the last year) . Then we have FANTASTIC sex. All she ever wants to do is sleep, always has migranes and is stressed, even when she's home. She even blows her girlfriends off on occasion. I think she's just very depressed lately. I've been trying to get her to go to a psychologist, even gave her some names. She even looked some up, but doesn't follow through because she's scared to go to one. UGH! She doesn't need a psychologist.. she needs a doctor.. maybe it's physical.. she might be drained because she lacks something.. (iron, etc.) who knows.. she should get checked first by a doctor.
Balthazar Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I broke up with a GF in 2005 because of such an issue. The sex was decreasing, and she was always sleepy , dizzy, tired. Turned out she had some sort of aggravated hearing that started from the ear canal. The Doctor prescribed medication that basically numbed her senses. The sex went straight downhill after that. So, I can relate to what you are going through. Not getting oral satisfaction is a great loss in itself for you. Definitely, get her to see a doctor. If she is in the medical clear, then their is not much you can do.
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Typical.. typical.... This is very common.. unfortunately.. It's not you.. A lot of people are just sexually 'lazy' and have no interest in love-making. I don't think stress has anything to do with it.. I think she's plain lazy sexually.. Have a good 'serious' talk with her.. Good luck!.. I very much doubt it will change.. when someone is NOT sexual.. she/he is just NOT sexual.. Yeah unless there's a medical problem that can be fixed, it'll never change. The more he tries to fix it the worse it will get. He needs to either live with it, break up with her, or stay with her and get a mistress on the side.
Author TheRock Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Her family doesn't believe in going to doctors or psychologists except for regular check-ups. They believe medications often do more harm than good, etc. So, this is a major step for her. She just called me and said she's going to look at a house with her mom and suggested that one day I could move in with her. Don't know why she won't just move in with me.
bluepoppy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 From what you've said I think the lack of sexual interest is something else. She's sending you sweet signals, and tells you nice things - yet doesn't respond sexually. Perhaps she's giving to you what SHE needs for herself from you - if that makes any sense. Do you do things like hold her hand ? Send nice text messages during the day - all the romantic stuff ? It's just a guess.
NuTuDating Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I agree... she's not going to change. Best case, just has no interest in sex, in which case you should move on. Worse case, she's interested in someone else. If you're not compatible in that area, move on.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Make her relax, dude. Buy some erotic hypnosis for couples programme CDs. Hypnosis may sound too sophisticated but really it is not and it can be powerful. It is not solve-all-problems-indefinetely but it can give you/her a good boost/head start.
DanielMadr Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Make her relax, dude. Buy some erotic hypnosis for couples programme CDs. Hypnosis may sound too sophisticated but really it is not and it can be powerful. It is not solve-all-problems-indefinetely but it can give you/her a good boost/head start. Wendi Friesen has some good ones for women only - to learn to enjoy the sex things - to be OK with their sexuality - to achieve orgasms etc.
BentSpine Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 I don't think she's lost interest in me, as she does a lot of thoughtful things for me and sends me cards with her own thoughts from her heart about how happy she is with me, but her actions in the sexual area are different. If it's was true that you make her happy, that she truly is attracted to you sexually, and that she has a healthy sex drive, then to me she ought to be VERY receptive to having sex with you. She would probably even initiate sometimes. Since that's not happening, at least one of the above is untrue and my $.02 is she has a low sex drive.
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