twice_shy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Well not necessarily, a person who finds another human being irresitibly attractive and might for a split second wonder what it might be like to get in that person's pants is not the kind of thing most people wish to hear from the person who should "only have eyes for them" Here again, appreciating the attractiveness of someone and wondering what it would be like to get in their pants are 2 different things. People that want to get in the pants of someone else they find attractive have no business being in a committed relastionship.
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 "Tis better to have thought and thought long, than to have never thought at all..."??? I agree 100%. No regrets in the future, is how you end up. As an example, "I really like cotton candy (actually, I hate the chemical stuff, haha...) so I'm going to eat the entire bag." "Oh man, I feel sick." Where if some forethought is put into it on the front-end, you'll say to yourself, "No, it's nothing but chemicals and sugar, so it'll make me sick. No thanks, I won't have any." Why oh why can't Hollywood portray more balanced relationships and marriages? I guess balanced relationships aren't sufficiently drama-filled, to warrant air time.
twice_shy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Are you serious??? What kind of statement is that? You could easly replace "gawk when not with their SO" with anything else... "flirt when not with their SO", "have sex with their SO"... you are basically saying it is okay to do something behind your SO's back that you wouldn't do when you were with them. That is dishonest. No, I'm saying its ok to look and have your private thoughts. You don't have to make it apparent to your SO that you find someone attractive when they are around. I think you know my stance on doing things behind a SO's back. Especially when it comes to cheating. Looking is one thing. Flirting is quite another. I consider flirting a form of contact that starts to cross the line. Look but don't touch. I could easily say, look, but don't flirt. Because thats how "it" starts, and you know what I mean.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 One relative constant I've seen in my life...those that need it most usually are the ones who are the blindest to it. You are mistaken, no one needs preaching. But if I did need amateur renditions from the $2 self help isle of the local book store I know where I can find it.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Here again, appreciating the attractiveness of someone and wondering what it would be like to get in their pants are 2 different things. People that want to get in the pants of someone else they find attractive have no business being in a committed relastionship. Oh c'mon you have never wondered/thought what it would be like to kiss, touch, or make love to another woman while you were in a committed relationship? If you say no, you are either a robot or you are lying... so what's it going to be?
twice_shy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Oh c'mon you have never wondered/thought what it would be like to kiss, touch, or make love to another woman while you were in a committed relationship? If you say no, you are either a robot or you are lying... so what's it going to be? guess I'm a robot if that is my only 2 choices. Maybe in my immature and younger days I was like that, but not as an adult. Sorry, not everyone is like you.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Oh, but you are wrong. LS PROVES that many, many people need it, as does this thread. Yeah but I don't and I never asked OWL for any advice because according to him I need it more than I care to show. I am reaffirming he did the right thing in keeping his preaching to himself in this case since I am happy with my choices so he needn't try to "open" my eyes to anything. My eyes are wide open and everytyhing is A-Ok. Now, some people have this need to dig deeper to try to find the fault in my unconventional choices and that is their right but they are proving nothing in terms of how my choices reflect my outcome because things are truly working out. I know that's hard to accept for some, cest la vie.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 guess I'm a robot if that is my only 2 choices. Maybe in my immature and younger days I was like that, but not as an adult. Sorry, not everyone is like you. you are the exception most people ARE like me in terms of seeing something in another human being
twice_shy Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 you are the exception most people ARE like me in terms of seeing something in another human being You didn't ask me about seeing something in another human being. you asked me about seeing another human being and wanting to bone them. You really have an apples to oranges problem.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 For now. Let's hope it continues so for you. I wouldn't wish ill on anyone, but getting involved with a cheater is, IMO, taking a HUGE risk. Well with that form of reasoning, so is staying with a cheater as a betrayed spouse, but you won't hear me preaching... Everything is a risk, we always have a choice to take or pass. At the end of the day there are risk takers in life and then there are those who coast within the limits of their comfort zone. I think it is completely egotistical to think people need unsolicited advice or that they need preaching because their life choices don't agree with your own. A person who understimates the power other individuals have in making the right choices for them is a person who needs to take a long hard look as to why they feel this need to fix everyone else. Are they really trying to fix others, or are they desperately trying to fix themselves?
Owl Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I think it is completely egotistical to think people need unsolicited advice or that they need preaching because their life choices don't agree with your own. A person who understimates the power other individuals have in making the right choices for them is a person who needs to take a long hard look as to why they feel this need to fix everyone else. Interesting thought. Even more interesting when you consider that it was the unsolicited advice about following your instincts that led us down this path of conversation to begin with. Clearly you're not here looking for advice...nor do you appear to feel that offering advice is worthwhile...what's your point for posting again? What are YOU looking to get out of posting here on LS then?
GoodOnPaper Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 In response to the OP's original concern about BW portrayal in the entertainment media -- as well as issues in many other relationship and marriage threads -- I think this pretty much says it all: Sometimes what men want and what women THINK they want are two completely different things. I keep seeing women say things like "I gave it my all I was the best cook, and always did all the cleaning after him and took care of our children and made sure nothing was ever missing and that our house was impecable as well as had sex with him as many times a week as he wants" while all the while missing that sometimes a guy could care less about how good you cook for him yeah he likes it he is not going to turn it away and yeah he really likes coming home to a clean pad but if in exchange it means having to put up with a cranky tired and let go version of what he once married, who complains about how he bought green peppers instead of red peppers and now "how will the dinner EVER ever be right with his f-up because he can NEVER do anything right", I think any man would prefer to come home to a sloppy home and take out and nice version of the wife instead anyday. Or he may like it if she showed him that she was sexually arroused by him for a change and surprised him with some sexual little treat as to let him know she was thinking about him...why should he always take the initiative? Feeding into his sex needs is not exactly awakening his sexual desire, it is just giving in to his urge because you know you have to. The thing is that many couples think they are meeting each other's needs in a marriage and the point is they are not. A man just wants to feel appreciated by what he does and not constantly nagged by what he doesn't. In terms of the woman feeling appreciated she needs to learn what he wants and then try to give him that so that he can actually show appreciation. If he does not appreciate you slaving on the stove for him every night WHY IN THE WORLD do you do it? Do a dumbed down version of a meal and make sure your children are well fed and you are all eating healthy and that's that. No more slaving over a meal which he cares for either way. It will leave you with more energy for yoruself and for the things he would like to do with you. You see women have so much more control in this than they care to see, when you give yourself the importance that you deserve you will not be disappointed when he doesn't see what you do for him, because if he is not appreciating what you are doing chances are he can do without it. You will be happier because you won't feel like you are giving so much for nothing and he won't have to hear you nag about being unappreciated, or whatever other scapegoat topic you choose to nag about when he first walks in the door after a long day at work. Men just want to be understood and so do women but before you go saying you GIVE EVERYTHING to him find out if the everything you are giving is indeed what he really wants. If you play your cards right and your man sees that you actually care about him and understand him I guarantee you won't have to ask for anything from him, he will want to make you happy. But it has to start somewhere. If you stay in the tit for tat mode it will never happen. Why do women have to take the initiative because whatever it is that is happening as is is not working so for your own happiness and for the sake of the health of your marriage it is definitely worth a try. I don't understand why people always look for validation in order to give, if you are with someone to whom you give all the time to and you honestly truly give without thinking about why you do it or expecting anything in return and they just don't come through then it's in your every right to find a partner who will appreciate you. But first you have to try to give expecting little return. It's rare that people especially women do this for their men, because we women always want something in return. sarme, My hat's off to you. People can debate your choice to take up with a married man, but I think that is secondary to what you bring to LS. You fully accept your partner for who he is to a much higher level than how most of us accept ourselves. The views you have are 100% feminine while enabling you to have all of the personal power you want. Of all the good advice from the many intelligent, creative women on this site, I think your outlook can actually inspire men to improve themselves to the best they can be, which will help any relationship they are in. I think somewhere, there is a corresponding philosophy suggestion for men. I'm not sure exactly what it would entail, but I can imagine it centering around the idea of looking for and appreciating the specific beauty in the woman (or women) in your life and understanding that all women are beautiful -- just in different ways.
Lizzie60 Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 I think like sarme said.. men liked to be 'validated'.. just like women.. For example, this morning, this MM visited me.. he loooves kissing.. (french kissing).. he hasn't kissed like that with his W for years... and she hates BJ.. He said to me this morning: 'I love to feel 'desired'.' Men do love to be pampered.. desired.. kissed... appreciated.. etc... as sarme said.. they would rather have that than an impeccable house, with an impeccable wife serving him impeccable meals... Ask your H tonite what he'd prefer..
rainfall Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Oh c'mon you have never wondered/thought what it would be like to kiss, touch, or make love to another woman while you were in a committed relationship? If you say no, you are either a robot or you are lying... so what's it going to be? Your post makes me really sad. If this is true why bother wasting your time in a realtionship at all since half the time the guy is gonna be wishing he could sleep with other people. Although I don't really believe what you say is true. I am just wondering why you think anyone should even bother with a relationship at all since you feel this is ow all men are.
sarme Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 (edited) Clearly you're not here looking for advice...nor do you appear to feel that offering advice is worthwhile...what's your point for posting again? What are YOU looking to get out of posting here on LS then? No I'm not. I am here for entertainment, not that I owe you any explanations but if you must know I am here purely for entertainment. This thread is entertaining and it is not seeking or giving advice so I joined in on the discussion. Ok? GoodOnPaperIn response to the OP's original concern about BW portrayal in the entertainment media -- as well as issues in many other relationship and marriage threads -- I think this pretty much says it all: Quote: Originally Posted by sarme Sometimes what men want and what women THINK they want are two completely different things. I keep seeing women say things like "I gave it my all I was the best cook, and always did all the cleaning after him and took care of our children and made sure nothing was ever missing and that our house was impecable as well as had sex with him as many times a week as he wants" while all the while missing that sometimes a guy could care less about how good you cook for him yeah he likes it he is not going to turn it away and yeah he really likes coming home to a clean pad but if in exchange it means having to put up with a cranky tired and let go version of what he once married, who complains about how he bought green peppers instead of red peppers and now "how will the dinner EVER ever be right with his f-up because he can NEVER do anything right", I think any man would prefer to come home to a sloppy home and take out and nice version of the wife instead anyday. Or he may like it if she showed him that she was sexually arroused by him for a change and surprised him with some sexual little treat as to let him know she was thinking about him...why should he always take the initiative? Feeding into his sex needs is not exactly awakening his sexual desire, it is just giving in to his urge because you know you have to. The thing is that many couples think they are meeting each other's needs in a marriage and the point is they are not. A man just wants to feel appreciated by what he does and not constantly nagged by what he doesn't. In terms of the woman feeling appreciated she needs to learn what he wants and then try to give him that so that he can actually show appreciation. If he does not appreciate you slaving on the stove for him every night WHY IN THE WORLD do you do it? Do a dumbed down version of a meal and make sure your children are well fed and you are all eating healthy and that's that. No more slaving over a meal which he cares for either way. It will leave you with more energy for yoruself and for the things he would like to do with you. You see women have so much more control in this than they care to see, when you give yourself the importance that you deserve you will not be disappointed when he doesn't see what you do for him, because if he is not appreciating what you are doing chances are he can do without it. You will be happier because you won't feel like you are giving so much for nothing and he won't have to hear you nag about being unappreciated, or whatever other scapegoat topic you choose to nag about when he first walks in the door after a long day at work. Men just want to be understood and so do women but before you go saying you GIVE EVERYTHING to him find out if the everything you are giving is indeed what he really wants. If you play your cards right and your man sees that you actually care about him and understand him I guarantee you won't have to ask for anything from him, he will want to make you happy. But it has to start somewhere. If you stay in the tit for tat mode it will never happen. Why do women have to take the initiative because whatever it is that is happening as is is not working so for your own happiness and for the sake of the health of your marriage it is definitely worth a try. I don't understand why people always look for validation in order to give, if you are with someone to whom you give all the time to and you honestly truly give without thinking about why you do it or expecting anything in return and they just don't come through then it's in your every right to find a partner who will appreciate you. But first you have to try to give expecting little return. It's rare that people especially women do this for their men, because we women always want something in return. sarme, My hat's off to you. People can debate your choice to take up with a married man, but I think that is secondary to what you bring to LS. You fully accept your partner for who he is to a much higher level than how most of us accept ourselves. The views you have are 100% feminine while enabling you to have all of the personal power you want. Of all the good advice from the many intelligent, creative women on this site, I think your outlook can actually inspire men to improve themselves to the best they can be, which will help any relationship they are in. Thanks Goodonpaper! I do accept my partner just as he is, flaws and all and risk and all. I love him for who he is not for what he did that did not pertain to me or the relationship he has with me. We suffered our due pain apart and then together and now we are in a very good place. The experience of being the OW has taught me a lot in terms of what men look for in a mate and I strive to be all those things for my mate, I have chosen to trust his potential and it can only encourage him to be better than he is because he feels a sense of duty to meet the high expectations I have set forth simply by believing him and in his potential. If he chooses it's not enough I always have my own choice to walk away. A broken heart we are all exposed to having so I don't dwell on that what I do focus on is that my life choices I will always be in control of. There is something extremely liberating about focusing and embracing the person infront of me rather than on the person he could be. Without really trying I have seen him slowly turn into the person I never even imagined he COULD be. rainfallQuote: Originally Posted by sarme Oh c'mon you have never wondered/thought what it would be like to kiss, touch, or make love to another woman while you were in a committed relationship? If you say no, you are either a robot or you are lying... so what's it going to be? Your post makes me really sad. If this is true why bother wasting your time in a realtionship at all since half the time the guy is gonna be wishing he could sleep with other people. Although I don't really believe what you say is true. I am just wondering why you think anyone should even bother with a relationship at all since you feel this is ow all men are I am not "wasting my time in a relationship" I am enjoying my time in a relationship. So because I accept that just because my partner may have sexual thoughts about another woman that means I should not bother being in a relationship? What sense does that even make? Do yourself a favour and stop making unrealistic demands of yourself and of your partner and you will live a much happier existence, try it you might actually like it. When you place demands on a person that you have no control over, like for example expecting your partner to never ever have any form of sexual thought about others, what you are doing is wasting your time in thought that will only serve you as amunition to create inner conflict. If feeds into your insecurties and it lowers your self esteem. If your partner comes home to you and makes love to you and shows you in the best way they know how that they adore you, why is that not enough? Why do you also need to control their thoughts, as in their thoughts should only be consumed by you? you know my b/f's exW was extremely unsupportive of his career choices, I have always pushed him to follow his dream even if it is not convenient for me. I push him to go off and be who he wants to be and what always ends up happening is that he on his own wants to find a way to make things work so that his passions don't interfere too much if at all in our relationship. Nothing spells love to me more than a person who is this considerate for what I need and to the point that I don't need to ask for it, it just comes my way. Something that was never taken into account in his marriage, they just faught for the self and helped drive the distance further between the two. So don't be sad for me I get more than I can ask for from my relationship because I don't ask for a whole lot, the expectations are understated and lived out as opposed to talked to death. He knows there are lines that if he crosses will be points of no return and we will have to part ways, and vice versa, but until then I feel truly blessed. Edited April 4, 2008 by sarme
Owl Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 No I'm not. I am here for entertainment, not that I owe you any explanations but if you must know I am here purely for entertainment. This thread is entertaining and it is not seeking or giving advice so I joined in on the discussion. Ok? And I completely believe that totally honest answer. Thank you.
Author JustBreathe Posted April 4, 2008 Author Posted April 4, 2008 "The experience of being the OW has taught me a lot in terms of what men look for in a mate and I strive to be all those things for my mate, I have chosen to trust his potential and it can only encourage him to be better than he is because he feels a sense of duty to meet the high expectations I have set forth simply by believing him and in his potential." Screwing a married man makes you so wise. If you are this and all that and quit being a shrew, quit cleaning the house and be more pleasant instead, then your mate will be so happy and never stray.. hmm... sounds pretty ridiculous to me. If you choose to live your life thinking you have the magic key to keeping a man faithful and satisified, that somehow if a woman changes her attitude then that will keep him faithful and happy, then you're sadly misguided. The notion that somehow you have the ability to help a man reach his potential just by focusing more of your attention on him and his needs isn't logical as a person's reaches their fullest potential because it is a personal goal, having nothing to do with anyone else. Where people are concerned we all have needs, and even though some or most may be fulfilled, there are always more needs. No one can fulfill a person's every need or help them to be devoted and faithful if they are not inclined to be devoted and faithful. A woman can be as good a wife as she can, in every way she knows how, and the cheating man will still find reasons upon which to blame his cheating. It is only after long deliberation and self-examination that he discovers that his hurtful actions were not brought about by what needs his wife did or didn't fulfill , but by what needs only he alone could fulfill for himself.
annieo Posted April 4, 2008 Posted April 4, 2008 Completely agree with justbreathe. If a man is a cheater, he'll cheat, no matter how wonderful his wife is. No matter how much he loves her and her him. If someone feels some sort of license to be with other people, or some overriding desire for novel flesh, then it will happen eventually. If a man is with a woman who isn't making him happy, I could see how he might end up in an exit affair (as I did from my first marriage), but lots of unfaithful spouses have no intention of leaving or being honest. They want the best of both worlds. Any woman who thinks that she's got men all figured out, knows how to please them and keep them from ever straying, seems unbearably smug and silly to me. And btw, some of the women expressing this view on this thread are OW. Sorry, but if you're so amazing, why hasn't he left his w to be with you, then? Because you are there for your purposes, and the w is there for hers.
Author JustBreathe Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 "Men just want to be understood and so do women but before you go saying you GIVE EVERYTHING to him find out if the everything you are giving is indeed what he really wants. If you play your cards right and your man sees that you actually care about him and understand him I guarantee you won't have to ask for anything from him, he will want to make you happy." That one made me laugh out loud. ..and how about this gem... "I think any man would prefer to come home to a sloppy home and take out and nice version of the wife instead anyday. Or he may like it if she showed him that she was sexually arroused by him for a change and surprised him with some sexual little treat as to let him know she was thinking about him...why should he always take the initiative?" Wives don't show our men we care. We're just sloppy. We don't try to understand them. We never want to take the initiative in bed, nor do show them we think they're sexy. Hell, we'd rather clean house then spend give them sexual "treats" (*snark*). We never think about their needs. We must have all been born in an artic zone or something. Brrrrrrr... cold in here.... Clearly, Sarme has never been a wife and doesn't have any idea what it is to be a wife.
sarme Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 (edited) Any woman who thinks that she's got men all figured out, knows how to please them and keep them from ever straying, seems unbearably smug and silly to me. And btw, some of the women expressing this view on this thread are OW. Sorry, but if you're so amazing, why hasn't he left his w to be with you, then? Because you are there for your purposes, and the w is there for hers. Are you kidding me? I don't think I have all men figured out!! I am just trying to figure out my own man. I am trying to see past my irrational needs and I trying to focus on my core needs. That's what seems to get missed in translation here. It helps to differentiate between the two this is what leads to true understanding and isn't that ultimately what we all want in a relationship: to be understood and loved? My boyfriend did leave his marriage we have been together for two and a half years off and on since we met and his divorce was final in sept/oct last year. Screwing a married man makes you so wise. If you are this and all that and quit being a shrew, quit cleaning the house and be more pleasant instead, then your mate will be so happy and never stray.. hmm... sounds pretty ridiculous to me. I guess that is your simple interpretation and you are entitle to it. I learned a lot from seeing the pain this man was in when I met him, we met in the midst of a battle field I guess you can say. I saw the deep struggle he went through trying to do the right thing and fighting what his gut was telling him but knowing deep down in his heart and soul that there is no way he could stay with his X wife and deny himself a chance at happiness all the while supressing his feelings for me while dealing with his own deep sense of guilt and wrong doing. It was extremely trying for all. We have analized why he did what he did to death and we even did couples therapy to understand what went wrong and how we can grow from this in a postive way. But the fact is he had wanted out long before we met and the guilt of doing something that was so out of character for him due to his strong set of values, religious upbringing, and his own convictions was compounded on to the immense pain I felt for also going against my own moral fiber but knowing that I had fallen deep in love with this man and I did not want to be without him. This was enough to teach me that in life we need to charish the person we have. There is no time to take advantage and sit back and let life take over as if we have NO say in our own destiny. Just as you only see what you want to see and interpret what I have written here as smug, I really don't see any of the people complaining that my ways are fascist or extreme, sharing anything positive from their own relationships to grant them any different outcome to an already very dismal situation. All I see is a lot of whining about "well what about me what about what I need who is going to acknowledge me?" I am happy being how I am, are you? This is the question you need to ask yourself. Once people realise that they are in control of their situations irrelevant of what they get from their mates, that is when the breakthrough moment happens. If you choose to live your life thinking you have the magic key to keeping a man faithful and satisified, that somehow if a woman changes her attitude then that will keep him faithful and happy, then you're sadly misguided. The notion that somehow you have the ability to help a man reach his potential just by focusing more of your attention on him and his needs isn't logical as a person's reaches their fullest potential because it is a personal goal, having nothing to do with anyone else. I don't have any magic key, my man could turn around and cheat on me at any given point especially since he has techincally already proven that he can. But the idea is that I have come to terms with that fear, and since I have accepted that no matter what I still hold the key to my own destiny/future/happiness it gives me plenty of energy and most importantly focus to really devote my best into not only understanding but also enjoying my man for who he is not on what he did. If he does cheat on me he would be foolish. Looking at all the reactions a few women on here have had to my ways....it seems women that think like me don't come around every day. He knows that if he crosses that line there is no turning back, it is the only stipulation I have enforced with him the rest is up to him and I have faith that he will do what is best not only for himself but also for us. People don't understand how much power they hold when they actually believe in their mates. Doing something to always expect something in return is not believing in your mate it is underhanded giving to quiet the selfish irrational left brian needs. Where people are concerned we all have needs, and even though some or most may be fulfilled, there are always more needs. No one can fulfill a person's every need or help them to be devoted and faithful if they are not inclined to be devoted and faithful. A woman can be as good a wife as she can, in every way she knows how, and the cheating man will still find reasons upon which to blame his cheating. It is only after long deliberation and self-examination that he discovers that his hurtful actions were not brought about by what needs his wife did or didn't fulfill , but by what needs only he alone could fulfill for himself. I don't think a person should try to fulfill all of their mate's whymsical needs, it's impossible to do. What I think does work is to find out exactly what your mate's needs are and try to focus on those not expecting anything in return. If in time your mate is distant and removed from you and your intimacy has not grown then you know that your relationship has ran its course, and you also know you truly have given all you have to give. In which case you still hold the key to your own happiness you are still in control of yourself and your own destiny. I think some of you are not getting what I am saying because you intepret what I am saying as losing yourself in your mate and that is not what I beleive you don't have to lose yourself in your partner in order to truly understand them. The irony is that in all this power struggle to see what you can get from your man you are more lost in him than you care to see. Edited April 5, 2008 by sarme
annieo Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Sarme I wasn't talking to you. Others, who are long-term mistress types, who seem to think they are the embodiment of Aphrodite. Won't name any names, you smug sirens know who you are . I was once a smug siren, so i know what I'm talking about. You seem very open and balanced and as I was a wife who cheated, I wouldn't judge you in a million years. I completely understand that sometimes an exit affair leads to a permanent relationship. I'm married to mine, although sometimes lately, I kind of wonder what I got myself into . I have been "bad" and I have been "good". I have been a faithful wife and mother, an adulteress and an injured party. And I do not claim to know "the secret" to pleasing a man anymore than anyone else does. For these reasons, I can't stand it when people pontificate and claim to know the "tricks" for keeping a "man". You know what the trick is? Learn how to shape shift, so you are never the same woman two months in a row.
Author JustBreathe Posted April 5, 2008 Author Posted April 5, 2008 Yes ma'am. Now you are getting it. You have to go with the flow and every now and then morph into whatever you think is going to keep your man happy. Don't be a clueless wench like me and give up trying to understand what the heck he wants from one month to the next! Run home and ask your husband what his needs are tonight and see what he says. Listen carefully. Ask for specifics whenever possible. Then set about the business of fulfilling each of those needs. Because that's what is lacking in your relationship. You ain't cutting it because you aren't fulfilling his needs and helping him reach his fullest potential. Work work work to make him happy and then if the relationship still doesn't get right, you can shrug your shoulders, throw the kids and dog into the minivan, and make your grand exit because you hold the key to your own destiny. Tra la laaa, it was fun dear, but I've got to go find something else to do.
sarme Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Well gees Justbreath if you are that unappreciated and everything you do is so in vain, the question begs to be asked: why in the heck do you keep holding on?
annieo Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Did justbreathe not get my sarcasm??? Did she take that literally??? I AM NOT advocating catering, I am a little bitter too. The morphing every two months comment was a dark, sarcastic joke. Who the hell can actually morph, that was my point. The trouble with this forum is that nobody can see the look on the other person's face, indicating irony. The raised eyebrow, the curled lip.
Cobra_X30 Posted April 5, 2008 Posted April 5, 2008 Completely agree with justbreathe. If a man is a cheater, he'll cheat, no matter how wonderful his wife is. No matter how much he loves her and her him. If someone feels some sort of license to be with other people, or some overriding desire for novel flesh, then it will happen eventually. If a man is with a woman who isn't making him happy, I could see how he might end up in an exit affair (as I did from my first marriage), but lots of unfaithful spouses have no intention of leaving or being honest. They want the best of both worlds. Please go read Scrivdog's posts. All of them. Most guys crap themselves when they think about divorce. Losing your house, your kids, 65% of your paycheck. I suppose you could argue that it's not so bad to move back in with your parents at 42 and see your kids every third leap year... but most guys I know would say different. Any woman who thinks that she's got men all figured out, knows how to please them and keep them from ever straying, seems unbearably smug and silly to me. And btw, some of the women expressing this view on this thread are OW. Sorry, but if you're so amazing, why hasn't he left his w to be with you, then? Because you are there for your purposes, and the w is there for hers. LOL... we guys really are not that complex. "Men just want to be understood and so do women but before you go saying you GIVE EVERYTHING to him find out if the everything you are giving is indeed what he really wants. If you play your cards right and your man sees that you actually care about him and understand him I guarantee you won't have to ask for anything from him, he will want to make you happy." That one made me laugh out loud. ..and how about this gem... "I think any man would prefer to come home to a sloppy home and take out and nice version of the wife instead anyday. Or he may like it if she showed him that she was sexually arroused by him for a change and surprised him with some sexual little treat as to let him know she was thinking about him...why should he always take the initiative?" Wives don't show our men we care. We're just sloppy. We don't try to understand them. We never want to take the initiative in bed, nor do show them we think they're sexy. Hell, we'd rather clean house then spend give them sexual "treats" (*snark*). We never think about their needs. We must have all been born in an artic zone or something. Brrrrrrr... cold in here.... Clearly, Sarme has never been a wife and doesn't have any idea what it is to be a wife. So are you trying to say that it's either impossible or not worth the effort to do what Sarme is suggesting? I don't really understand the argument against.
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