JustBreathe Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I went to a movie with my H this weekend. In the movie there were scenes of strip clubs, beautiful topless escorts in garter belts cavorting about. One of the main themes of the movie was an affair between a married family man and his temptress mistress who he used to date before he got married. So his wife finds out, and in the end his slim sexy mistress with long flowing locks, gives him a longful look, takes his face in her hands, kisses him and says "it was always you" as she exists all glamorous like, which the wife stands over there by herself, looking awkward in her little yellow dress and pinned up hairdo, only too grateful and eager to take him back when he walks over to her. The long suffering, polly purebread wife who lives her life entirely for her children and husband. It made me so ill I walked out before it was completely over. Whores and mistresses are painted as so sexy and desirable while their wives are these things in the background concerned only with children and living their lives for their husbands, lumped into the thing those married men call "my family". It's disheartening. I feel like men are forever panting after and glorifyling loose, easy sluts, and while viewing their wives as something stable and secure. Sure, they'll bang the old lady, why not? She's laying there isn't she? But it isn't exciting in the way banging sluts is. And all the time, we stupid wives think they only want us. So there we are, making life comfortable and cozy for him, rattling the pots and pans, buying his socks and underwear, and believing that he loves us, when all he wanted is someone to truly love HIM. I wasn't able to meet all his needs, because I didn't speak to that other side of him that the whores did. I was the "wife". I see how men will take a vibrant, independent, smiling, sexual woman and turn her into a semi-frigid, sad creature, then complain because she isn't what he married anymore, doesn't want sex as much and I hurt for all wives out there married for years, and those newly married who will one day find themselves in my position.
Owl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Given how our culture (read: Hollywood) glamorizes affairs and infidelity, it becomes no surprise at how many frequent this site and dozens out there just like it. Throw in Harlequin style romances too. Nothing like setting impossibly high expectations and examples to set a situation up for failure.
Author JustBreathe Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Is it really just Hollywood Hype though, Owl? Or do men actually feel that way. Maybe not all men, but the vast majority.
Cobra_X30 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I see how men will take a vibrant, independent, smiling, sexual woman and turn her into a semi-frigid, sad creature, then complain because she isn't what he married anymore, doesn't want sex as much and I hurt for all wives out there married for years, and those newly married who will one day find themselves in my position. Does it really have to be like that? I believe that wives can be all that and then some.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 What's the title of this movie? You said: So there we are, making life comfortable and cozy for him, rattling the pots and pans, buying his socks and underwear, and believing that he loves us, when all he wanted is someone to truly love HIM. You mean 'all he wanted are two women to truly love Him' I wasn't able to meet all his needs, because I didn't speak to that other side of him that the whores did. I was the "wife". That's why it's always better to be the whore in the bedroom. I see how men will take a vibrant, independent, smiling, sexual woman and turn her into a semi-frigid, sad creature, then complain because she isn't what he married anymore, Why is it the man's fault.. some women can do that by themselves..
Owl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Obviously I can't speak for all men... But I certainly don't glamorize affairs or prostitutes. I've known women that were prostitutes. Often they quickly become emotionally jaded to a point where they're actually incapable of any kind of monogamous love at all. The mental reconditioning that they did to themselves to allow them to justify their profession pretty much prevents them from becoming deeply emotionally attached to just one man...and often they're virtually unable to remain sexually faithful to one man as well after that. Nothing attractive about that to me. And the idea of a "mistress" falls into that same boat for me as well. There's nothing 'exciting' about the concept to me...on the contrary, I can't imagine myself becoming emotionally attached to someone who would be ok with the lies and such that I'd be forced to tell my wife to carry on such a deception. I'll stick to my marriage. Again, I don't speak for all men, but for some small group I guess.
foreverinlove Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Does it really have to be like that? I believe that wives can be all that and then some. I totally agree with that. Why can't a wife be glamorous and desirable and a slut in the bedroom? It really is all up to the wife, isn't it?
Cobra_X30 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 And the idea of a "mistress" falls into that same boat for me as well. There's nothing 'exciting' about the concept to me...on the contrary, I can't imagine myself becoming emotionally attached to someone who would be ok with the lies and such that I'd be forced to tell my wife to carry on such a deception. I'll stick to my marriage. Again, I don't speak for all men, but for some small group I guess. I think that group is bigger than you believe. The primary selling point is respect and adoration. I've seen that be very emotionally compelling when stacked up against to a wife who treats you like an extra child. I totally agree with that. Why can't a wife be glamorous and desirable and a slut in the bedroom? It really is all up to the wife, isn't it? I'd say it takes work from both. There is a huge cultural bias which paints wives as nagging harpies... I think men need to discard the stereotype, and women need to not live up to it. BTW... I'm not a big fan of the term slut.
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think part of the reason why men might stray in regards to sex, is that married women believe sex is a chore and that it's something that must be done, like the dishes. The lust, the excitement wears off and the man realizes that the sex he gets is without that 'wanting' or 'loving' feeling. Men on the other hand equate sex with love, acceptance, feeling wanted and bonding. When men don't get the sex from our wives, then us men don't get those other things I've mentioned as well. When men feel neglected over a long period of time, then there is the possiblity of straying. What I don't understand is that these 'whores' as you call them who know how to make a man feel good, then turns into someone who doesn't in the bedroom after they are married. They neglect the person they are suppose to show love to the most. Show me a woman (married or not) who thinks of sex as a chore and I'll show you a woman who hasn't been laid proper in a long while.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Show me a woman (married or not) who thinks of sex as a chore and I'll show you a woman who hasn't been laid proper in a long while. Hum.. I have to disagree.. why most MMs are the best lovers then? Maybe because they are starved..
Scrivdog Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Does it really have to be like that? I believe that wives can be all that and then some. No sh*t. How about being the wild one in the sack for your husband? But no - I guess that's only for sluts, right?
OldEurope Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I always say that the wife has to be part Queen and part Geisha. That is to say, yes, the lady on his arm, the creature he "aspired to"; and then the babe, the seductress, the lover. I think men love the balance of that, the "contradictory" aspect. PS movies: What is interesting is that "the wife" in the Hollywood glamour age of the 30s and 40s was always a gorgeous creature, always polished and beautiful. In these sloppy, casual times, she is inevitably portrayed looking either like a suburban bag lady, or, as the first poster mentioned, some prim twit. Such a lack of imagination, over there in LA... PPS: Choose your movies wisely when going with your husband! Or better yet, stay home and have great sex! xo OE
Author JustBreathe Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Why is it that it is instantly assumed that a wife a) wasn't giving her husband enough sex, or b) was boring in the bedroom, i.e., not a "slut" (forgive the word, Cobra, it just came out)? These are sterotypes which actually support my initial post - the compartmentalization and stereotyping of wives as being nonsensual, frigid and boring while glorifying women who boink married family men without conscience. Most women do not admire a woman who screws married men either for money or for sport, however, most married men seem to idealize them. The wife is merely real estate. I agree that it's possible for a woman to be wild and sensual in the bedroom, but many married men grow bored with their wives, so it wouldn't matter if they wore frilly garters to bed every night and did it all in the bedroom. It seems most men are all about glorifying loose women and surpressing those kind of instincts in their wives. Then they complain. Perhaps to give them ample excuse to do what it is they are naturally inclined to do. The movie was called: "The Bank Job". If you're sensitive to watching movies with prostitutes trotting about practically nude, and affairs don't go see it. It bothered me.
Scrivdog Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 .. I agree that it's possible for a woman to be wild and sensual in the bedroom, but many married men grow bored with their wives, so it wouldn't matter if they wore frilly garters to bed every night and did it all in the bedroom. It seems most men are all about glorifying loose women and surpressing those kind of instincts in their wives. Then they complain. Perhaps to give them ample excuse to do what it is they are naturally inclined to do. And you say it's the husband making excuses ..
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Hum.. I have to disagree.. why most MMs are the best lovers then? Maybe because they are starved.. They are good at it because the novelty of the new makes them actually put in a good effort. And Lizzie, they TELL you they are sex starved because they think they have to lie and give you a pity story for you to sleep with them. It doesn't mean they are sex starved. I'm betting if they were putting in the effort with their wives that they put in with you, their wives would want more sex.
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Why is it that it is instantly assumed that a wife a) wasn't giving her husband enough sex, or b) was boring in the bedroom, i.e., not a "slut" (forgive the word, Cobra, it just came out)? These are sterotypes which actually support my initial post - the compartmentalization and stereotyping of wives as being nonsensual, frigid and boring while glorifying women who boink married family men without conscience. Most women do not admire a woman who screws married men either for money or for sport, however, most married men seem to idealize them. The wife is merely real estate. I agree that it's possible for a woman to be wild and sensual in the bedroom, but many married men grow bored with their wives, so it wouldn't matter if they wore frilly garters to bed every night and did it all in the bedroom. It seems most men are all about glorifying loose women and surpressing those kind of instincts in their wives. Then they complain. Perhaps to give them ample excuse to do what it is they are naturally inclined to do. The movie was called: "The Bank Job". If you're sensitive to watching movies with prostitutes trotting about practically nude, and affairs don't go see it. It bothered me. Nothing a woman does with her husband is an act of sluttiness.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 They are good at it because the novelty of the new makes them actually put in a good effort. And Lizzie, they TELL you they are sex starved because they think they have to lie and give you a pity story for you to sleep with them. It doesn't mean they are sex starved. I'm betting if they were putting in the effort with their wives that they put in with you, their wives would want more sex. That's where you're wrong.... they don't have to lie to me.. it's the opposite.. we talk about their sex life at home.. some of them have all the sex they want.. in fact it's the timing that is wrong...
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 That's where you're wrong.... they don't have to lie to me.. it's the opposite.. we talk about their sex life at home.. some of them have all the sex they want.. in fact it's the timing that is wrong... They don't know that. How you say you are is not the normal mindset men are told women have.
Lizzie60 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 They don't know that. How you say you are is not the normal mindset men are told women have. Of course they do.. it's clear from the start.. they know where they stand.. no string-good sex.. with benefit$.
sally4sara Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Of course they do.. it's clear from the start.. they know where they stand.. no string-good sex.. with benefit$. Have you not heard all the complaining about how women never mean what they say? You and I know better, but even before this forum, I've heard the complaint. And liars never believe anyone. Add them together and you get a guy who would never believe you don't care why he is cheating. PS Does the dollar sign at the end mean you charge?
PinkKittyKat Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 The movie was called: "The Bank Job". If you're sensitive to watching movies with prostitutes trotting about practically nude, and affairs don't go see it. It bothered me. Wow, apparently I narrowly avoided that movie. We all went and saw something else at the last minute... It didn't seem like that from the reviews and plot synopsis! Thanks for the heads up. I will avoid that one.... At the best of times I have problems watching movies that show scantily clad women with my bf. It's WAY worse when it's got a plot like that! I don't think I'm being unreasonable, I mean my bf gets uncomfortable when we are watching movies or tv with scantily clad muscled guys because he doesn't want me looking either. Haha. The way society is, it seem it happens a lot more with women in media. So my life is harder, LOL. The wife is always portrayed as boring, it's true. I guess people like to make movies with new sexual attraction and conflict. Would anyone go see a movie where a guy loves his wife? I'm not sure, and I guess that's sort of sad. Hahah, but it would be SO BORING if that's all it was about! Guess I answered my question....
MarriedLife Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 The "other woman" takes on many types and therefore married men or boyfriends have different reasons for straying. A prostitute, one night stand, quick fling with the lady down the block, these situations can be looked at as a discreet getaway from the sexual routine. The man's sexual prowess is validated. Sure the wife or g.f. can wear some sexy lingerie and heels and ride her hubby until sunset but to the man it's nothing new and the validation or ego boost is not as special. A long term affair is similar to being married in the sense that emotions between the man and the OW are involved. The man may feel he's needed to take on a more manly supportive role especially if the OW comes across as vulnerable or needy. I think one thing sadly rings true in both these situations is the man's sense of entitlement. A deep-seeded belief that as long as we are paying the bills, providing things, and shelter, that we deserve to be awarded opportunity and variety. Add to this, the media's one dimensional portrayal of women in general and you have a social recipe for problems like JustBreath describes.
Scrivdog Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Wow, apparently I narrowly avoided that movie. We all went and saw something else at the last minute... It didn't seem like that from the reviews and plot synopsis! Thanks for the heads up. I will avoid that one.... At the best of times I have problems watching movies that show scantily clad women with my bf. It's WAY worse when it's got a plot like that! I don't think I'm being unreasonable, I mean my bf gets uncomfortable when we are watching movies or tv with scantily clad muscled guys because he doesn't want me looking either. Haha. The way society is, it seem it happens a lot more with women in media. So my life is harder, LOL. The wife is always portrayed as boring, it's true. I guess people like to make movies with new sexual attraction and conflict. Would anyone go see a movie where a guy loves his wife? I'm not sure, and I guess that's sort of sad. Hahah, but it would be SO BORING if that's all it was about! Guess I answered my question.... The more blatant sense of entitlement comes from the wives usually. They think that because they have a marriage certificate - the husband is now captive. They are entitled to go ahead and get fat, cut their hair short, wear those PJ's with the hole in them (yeah you know which ones), and make them settle for crappy sex once every fiscal quarter. By the time they realize that having a husband does not equal having an indentured servantl - they resort to calling them names and bemoaning their newfound status as a BS. They call the OW a slut and a harlot - but deep down inside they know that she was able to get the husbands' attention and it wasn't just using a plunging neckline, either.
PinkKittyKat Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 The more blatant sense of entitlement comes from the wives usually. They think that because they have a marriage certificate - the husband is now captive. They are entitled to go ahead and get fat, cut their hair short, wear those PJ's with the hole in them (yeah you know which ones), and make them settle for crappy sex once every fiscal quarter. By the time they realize that having a husband does not equal having an indentured servantl - they resort to calling them names and bemoaning their newfound status as a BS. They call the OW a slut and a harlot - but deep down inside they know that she was able to get the husbands' attention and it wasn't just using a plunging neckline, either. I didn't say anything about a sense of entitlement??? I know a lot of people do let themselves go, men and women. LOL, not sure about the short hair thing... what if she already had short hair, some men LOVE that... Anyway, the same thing goes both ways. I don't think that in all affairs you can blame just one person. One person is not getting something(validation, affection, sex, attention) and they seek it elsewhere. It is partly the fault of the cheater and partly the fault of the cheat-ee. I know plenty of women who keep themselves hot and their bfs/husbands STILL cheat, and plenty of men who treat their wives/gfs like gold and the woman STILL cheats. It's all situational. Anyway, I thought we were talking about how wives are portrayed in the media??? Not whether it's real wives fault for getting "boring"...
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think that for all the wives and husbands who have been cheated on, it's time to stop giving a crap about Hollywood portrayals of who we're supposed to be and be who we really are. For those of you, trapped or clinging to the dysfunctional cheaters, why? They can only bring you down to their level, unless they're determined to rise to your level. Myself, I couldn't be bothered to waste time and energy on someone with so little integrity. Same goes for the OW involved. She's still paying heavily for her own idiocy. Self-induced custody and divorce battles, can cost you a pretty penny, even mothers. I do so love Karma, with a little help from its friend, of course. I must admit it's great being free of the ol' ball and chain.
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