priorityland Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I love my wife dearly. I knew the first time we went on a date I would end up marrying her and can not imagine life without her. I'm not perfect by any means. I had what I would consider a light pornography addiction. By light I mean I had looked at it nearly daily from 12-13 until about 18 when the habit dropped to less frequent when I became more sexually active. All in all I would look at porn like 3 times a week and probably masturbate once or twice weekly. Met my wife when I was 20 and the habit continued although less frequently. So I had the issue WAY before I ever met her. One time I mentioned looking at porn over the phone while we dated and she absolutely flipped out (and I mean flipped out). From that point on I either lied about it or hid it. Fast forward 2 years and we are pregnant and married. I don't have the issues with not finding my pregnant wife not attractive but she thought I did.....Why you say? Because she would catch me looking at it on the computer history or the keylogger she installed. Even thought we were still having sex every day nearly unless she or I was tired she thought I didn't find her attractive. Totally not true. Then my son came . At this point I begin to look at porn more almost daily. In all honesty I was stressed out and not getting what I was used to allow her to heal. I didn't see it as a problem but she did. I had told I would stop but ended up doing it anyway. Then once I was caught she would get extremely upset and threaten leaving. Then I would stop for a while then slip up. Happened like 3 or 4 times. The last time she threatens divorce. I stop. I honestly tried to stop sooner but where I work I am on the computer all day and the habit was just soo hard to stop. I can say with complete honesty that I have not looked at any pornographic material in months. Nearly a year. I take the blame for this. My wife has always had a controlling side. She HAS to know if/where I go to lunch and who with (she says I don't call b/c I don't love her which is total bs. I don't call that often during the day b/c I take calls in a call center and LAST thing I want to do is talk on the phone. I used to call all the time at my last job). She HAS to go with me everywhere. I honestly cannot go somewhere(store even) without her without catching major grief. Even working on the car I can't take too long. In other words I have wait for her or arrange my schedule so she can go with me places. I have never treated her like that. She over reacts over the smallest things. She has ALWAYS been that way. I have NEVER EVER cheated on her or in ANY of my previous relationships. She has always had a warped self image IMO. She is beautiful. 5'3 120 gorgeous blue eyes. I used to tell it to her all the time. But every time I did she would be like whatever or dismiss my comment. So after 5+ years negative comments I don't say it very often. She is though. I think alot of her issues pertain to abuse she received from her step-father(it's a secret she keeps even from her mother) and the fact that her father abandoned her. She even got breast implants that I was AGAINST COMPLETELY. I don't like any "fake" crap and that tops the list for me. But I was still supportive. I helped her. I took days off from work to take her there and stay with her. She knew my opinion but she also knew I support her. I would do anything for her. To this day she obsesses way more than whats healthy worrying about her self image. Now even though I'm not looking at the first porn anything she still isn't happy with me. I'm not loving enough. I don't call her enough. She doe She gets jealous when I hang out with her friends that are now my friends even when she is there. She got ticked off the other day because I didn't invite her to my parents house.(I was getting a lawn mower for my side venture business and she was working) Now she is saying "we're done" until we get counseling. I agree it is needed but we DON'T have money for it now. And in all honesty I really feel like she needs help with her own issues first. But I know if I don't do it she will leave and probably continue down the road of hating herself and trying appease her perpetual self image pursuit with whatever and will end up being an uphappy person her whole life. I'm really quite certain no matter how perfect I try to be I doubt I can fufill what she wants/demands.
theluckynumber4 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I agree with jmargel. If you do not have insurance, however, the best measure would be to ask her what exactly she wants from you. What is it that you do that displeases her, but more importantly, WHY. That will mean she has to think of a good reason for getting angry about pornography, which is always debatable. I think that if you masturbate twice a week and have a light addiction to pornography, then the pornography is all you have to worry about. It sounds like you've changed a lot (and not to something necessary but somewhat trivial) and your wife should be applauding your efforts to appease her. But she's not. I have a lot of body issues too, and it's hard for me to take compliments from my boyfriend-- there are some days where I just don't want to have sex because I feel unattractive-- would I be upset on one of those days because he masturbated or looked at porn? **** no. I think your wife still needs your support, but a little tough loving too. Be honest with her about what you find to be ridiculous or unfounded in her reasoning and logic. Ask her for specifics. You may be surprised that she doesn't have many answers herself, she just knows she's unhappy and she's blaming it on you. This is not uncommon for married couples.
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