falloutlove Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I need advice. My boyfriend of 7 months and I have been going through a rough patch. But I think I'm the only one that feels it. There's a lot to the story but basically we fight over everthing little thing. He becomes very hypocritical. He's extremely immature. But the problem is he's been suicidal for a year now. And he always said how I saved him. So my problem: What will happen if I say goodbye? Is he gonna give up completely? & I'll have to live with the responsibility of it for the rest of my life? Ugh...I know I have to end it. I need to transfer schools because the one I'm attending is....bad to say the least. And to make everything worse. I have strong feelings for another guy. And I fee horrible about it. If anyone can help......please....
tanbark813 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 If you want out of the relationship then don't stay just because you're worried about him killing himself. You would be doing you both a disservice. Chances are he won't make good on his threats but even if he does, it's not your responsibility.
macon Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 He's already using emotional blackmail to keep you with him. That's not fair. You already know you don't want to be with him anymore. So, do you really think he's someone who might possibly act on his threats? Or do you think he just uses that to keep you with him? If you really are worried then do you know any of his friends or family? Can you speak to one of them about him and ensure he has support? If you really think he's a serious suicide risk then you may need to speak to someone - that shouldn't be embarrassing, that's just taking care. If you don't want to be with him anymore then you need to tell him - but you can plan how and what you say. You can take the blame yourself (yes, sometimes this is kinder) - you can let him down gently - there are many ways you can tell someone this in the kindest way possible. But the main thing is that you need to do it. If he is a suicidal person that already has nothing to do with you - that's self-esteem and issues from within, which he needs to work on. Can you suggest counselling? Could you get him into it before you break things off? You clearly care about him, and you can therefore plan to do this as kindly as possible .. but don't let him rule you with guilt. It's important that you do what you feel is right, and breaking up is part of life - we all have to deal with it at some point or another. You can't live your life in fear of someone else's unstable reaction.
MalachiX Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 There's always the chance that needing to be strong on his own will help him. I went through a very bad time and my girlfriend broke up with me, saying, "you're miserable and making me miserable." Of course, losing her at such a low point was hell at first. But after two days, I also started to really get my drive in life back. Hitting rock bottom gave me the desire to show everyone what I was made of. I the irony is that she called wanting to reconcile a few days later, just as I was starting to do better, and that immediatly made me feel bad again because it got me in a self loathing frame of mind (not wanting to ask her to take me back as I had before). I told her she was better off without me. Things got worse after that and she cut contact. I did get suicidal and am still struggling with it. There was a time when I wanted to end things and felt that would somehow show her that I really was in a very bad place and it wasn't just me being selfish that caused me to be distant and unfair. In a lot of ways, I decided against that just because I didn't want to put her or my family through that kind of guilt.
Recommended Posts