Laurenwho Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I have posted here before about feeling neglected by my partner in a 6 yr relationship. We live together and he talked about getting married this year but I just don't know what to do. He tells me he loves me every day but I'm beginning to doubt that he even likes me anymore. Now we were having a situation where his sister rear ended my brand new vehicle and didn't have insurance so there was a lot of stress on my part. Accident happened 3 weeks ago and I just got my car back on Saturday. The paint job they did on the replaced parts does NOT match the rest of my car exactly but I guess I have to live with it. THe whole situation has been very frustrating (auto body place had my car for two weeks!). "luckily" I have an old car that I've kept but it is in bad shape, had a belt ready to snap, oil leaking into the spark plugs. My guy had promised to fix it but hasnt' had much time so I've just been driving the new car. The situation has affected my work- I'm supposed to go to meetings that are an hour away but I haven't been able to since I'm afraid to drive my old car that far etc. If my guy's sister had to pay for a rental car for me for the last 3 weeks it would be several hundred dollars. Anyway my partner has been siding with his sister, getting angry at me over details about the car etc. I'm been very upset with him. He's been sneaky and lying to me about how his sister paying for the damage when in reality he is the one paying for the damage to my car which affects OUR relationship and OUR finances. I know it is just a car but I spent a lot of hard earned money on that car and I'm 0% responsible for what happened and his sister is 100% responsible for what happened and yet I am the only one being stressed and inconvenienced and getting the ****ty end of the deal. His sister gets off scott free - she doesnt' have to pay anything, she had no insurance but doesn't get in trouble for that even though its a LAW in the state I live in. Anyway understandably I've been upset by all of this. I don't take it out on my boyfriend. I dont' even talk to him about the situation. My car was supposed to be ready on Friday. Well my guy calls me and tells me that he called the autobody place and the car is not ready as the guy has the flu and doesn't know if any work has been done on the car that day. (he's the manager/owner of the place) The owner tells my boyfriend he does not know if/when the vehicle will be ready even though he promised it to me on this day. So I tell my boyfriend I am going to call the autobody shop and talk to someone there. He yells at me that no, I am just making everything worse (turns out he agreed to take a discount so the guy didn't have to get my car to me on time!) Well I call anyway- its a place of business and someone should be able to tell me. Well I get the owner who is home sick in bed (the phone rings at his house too I guess?). he is rather short with me saying he talked to my boyfriend and they had worked it out. Well SORRY but is MY vehicle and I want to know what the status is. I was very polite to the guy, told him I hope he feels better etc. Well my boyfriend calls me (because he's not getting the discount anymore) and yells at me. I got very upset and told him exactly what I think of the situation- that he is taking sides with everyone else and has no sympathy towards ME because I am the one who keeps getting the short end of the stick in this situation and I just want my car back. That he goes out of his way to accomodate his sister, the autobody shop owner, even the dealership that screwed up the parts order twice! But when it comes to me he doesn't have an ounce of empathy. Well he screams at me that if I act like a bitch then he'll treat me like one and then he hung up on me. He's never called me a bitch ever. I called him back to tell him I would not be spending the night at home this weekend. He claims his cell phone cut out and that he didnt' hang up on me (but he never called me back) he refused to appologize saying "YOU made me mad" Like nothing is ever his f*cking fault. That I MADE him angry so therefore I deserved it. I stuck to my word, I didn't come home all weekend. He called me a few times and I ignored his calls. I saw him yesterday and he took me out to dinner trying to make it up to me. he still NEVER said he was sorry. I just feel like I'm an afterthought to him If I bring this up he will point out all the times he takes me to dinner, buys me flowers for holidays, bought me a card for easter etc. I just don't know what to do.
carhill Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I remember your story. A lot of people thought you were too nit-picky. I did not Now you're seeing where I was coming from. I do business with such people every day. Your instincts were sound IMO. Personally, I'd have AAA grab the car onto a transporter and take it to a reputable collision repair facility and get serious about getting it fixed right as well as bidding this loser family goodbye. That's my opinion
SeraBella Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Why didn't you call your insurance company and let them handle it?
Author Laurenwho Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 I did call them. But my guy called them back and told them to drop the claim. Then his sister called me and basically told me off because my insurance company had the "audacity" to call her and ask her how she planned to pay. The insurance in under my partner's name and I am on his policy. We did this to save money (and because both of us have perfect driving records). we have four vehicles on this policy. He did not want our insurance company to pay for the damage because our rates would probably go up. Which is understandable but I wanted my car repaired properly and quickly and didn't want the hassle of arranging everything myself. The situation should have been between his sister and ME. But instead she went right to him and wanted him to fix her mess. if she would have come straight to me and offered to make payments etc I would have been ok with that. Instead the two of them decided to decieve me. Which just added the stress of the situation.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I remember your story as well - this is a huge red flag to me. It feels like when the going gets tough, your SO does not hang with you - he gets going. I would seriously be rethinking this relationship - is this a man you can spend the rest of your life with? I know this situation is not of his doing, and frankly it's not very fair, however you are now seeing how he would deal with tensions between you and his family - and frankly he is not passing the test! You need to do what you feel is right - and my heart really goes out to you. If it were me, I'd hope I'd have the strength to leave.
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