Ocean-Blue Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Of course you are the catch, I can tell that Thats maybe the problem (luck in your example) that you had a chance to know each other beforehand. But when two people meet for a first time and when it doesnt click, they wont see each other again like in subway......first- impressions and such What flaws can you have? Im sure it is not anything you cant get rid of like a wooden leg for example. Tehe, that I am. Especially when I drunk and puking and crying...I am especially sexy then. Do you have a wooden leg? If so, then perhaps it's something to think about it (as in, "how do I approach a woman with my wooden leg"). But really, what are you worried about DM? What is keeping you from pursuing what you want? Let go of your inhibitions (well the ones that are keeping you from striking up a conversation with a woman who takes your fancy).
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 (edited) Do you have a wooden leg? If you do then you have to change your outlook onit. Own it. I bet if you marketed yourself correctly you could have chicks thinking it was sexy in a pirate kind of way. Ever heard of jim Abbot? He was the pitcher for the New York Yankees. he had a missing arm. He never believed his missing arm was a flaw that would hold him back. He believed regardles he had the ability to ADAPT in a Darwinism way. How much pussy do you think he got? Edited March 31, 2008 by themessenger
Author DanielMadr Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 It's not pretending if you believe it. You need to take a good look at yourself and see the positive qualities that make you, you. Get me? I know that sounds so cheesy, but it's true. That is the thing I most love about my bf, his sincere confidence. Yeah I read you. Im pretty good at having no doubts. It is necessary in many forms of life like street fight for example. I suspect why nature wanted girls to be attracted only to those with no doubts. That analogy with street fight enlightened me a little. You cant marry a guy who cant win a street fight or defeat a cave-lion So it looks like the nature wants for a girl a guy who she cant beat up Now, it sounds reasonable. Thanks guys, another dilemma solved
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 DanielMadr, you are asking some fundamental questions that really get to the heart to what's the answer to some conflicting messages. We're told confidence is attractive. Yet as you mentioned it is also true that when you are highly attracted to a woman you just spotted, it's also natural that you would be very nervous if you approach her and you might not even approach at all. And all you get is a standard LS answer, "it doesn't matter be yourself." Then there's the debate of if women wants a guy who is highly attracted to her, then why would she be turned off by your nervousness when it should be a sign that he is attracted to her. If he isn't nervous at all and is confident isn't that a sign that he isn't all that attracted to her and sees himself in a higher league. and doesn't that suggest that if women like this confidence then maybe they really don't want a guy who is highly attracted to her?
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I'm female and I feel this exact same way! I think I may be destined to end up with guys that I'm not attracted to and who are no good for me (not because I'm not attracted to them but just in general). When I am not that into a person I feel comfortable and relaxed and can be my true self. I have no problem going on dates and associating with such a person But with a guy that I really like I feel SOOOO self-conscious, I cannot even eat in front of him, exercise in front of him, talk to him etc I cannot even date him even if he wants to because it is so nerve wrecking and it wreaks havoc on my system. I feel like my body cannot handle so much constant stress and being in a constant state of nervous. I can actually feel the nervous energy flowing through my body. It's to the point where I have to avoid the person and turn down their advances because I can't tolerate to be around them because I feel too weak and thus I'm destined to either end up being alone for all eternity or settle for someone that I'm not into. I can only feel comfortable around a man I'm not that into.
Ocean-Blue Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 DanielMadr, you are asking some fundamental questions that really get to the heart to what's the answer to some conflicting messages. We're told confidence is attractive. Yet as you mentioned it is also true that when you are highly attracted to a woman you just spotted, it's also natural that you would be very nervous if you approach her and you might not even approach at all. And all you get is a standard LS answer, "it doesn't matter be yourself." Then there's the debate of if women wants a guy who is highly attracted to her, then why would she be turned off by your nervousness when it should be a sign that he is attracted to her. If he isn't nervous at all and is confident isn't that a sign that he isn't all that attracted to her and sees himself in a higher league. and doesn't that suggest that if women like this confidence then maybe they really don't want a guy who is highly attracted to her? I don't see how I contradicted myself. I shared that it's a good idea for him to look at himself and figure out what traits he has that are positive and to work with them...this in turn should lead to confidence (but only if he really believes it). Your second paragraph is confusing.
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think you guys may be talking about anxiety which could be helped by learning some coping skills or getting some counceling. If the persons into you what the hell are you bugging out about? Think they are gonna see something they didn't before? This is curable people
Author DanielMadr Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Tehe, that I am. Especially when I drunk and puking and crying...I am especially sexy then. Do you have a wooden leg? If so, then perhaps it's something to think about it (as in, "how do I approach a woman with my wooden leg"). But really, what are you worried about DM? What is keeping you from pursuing what you want? Let go of your inhibitions (well the ones that are keeping you from striking up a conversation with a woman who takes your fancy). Im OK, really. I had my insecurities of course, I would lie if tell any different but I figured out, most of them where there because I was too hard on myself and maybe didnt get the approval out of my parents in time I needed it most or something. But nothing drastic.
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Yeah I read you. Im pretty good at having no doubts. It is necessary in many forms of life like street fight for example. I suspect why nature wanted girls to be attracted only to those with no doubts. That analogy with street fight enlightened me a little. You cant marry a guy who cant win a street fight or defeat a cave-lion So it looks like the nature wants for a girl a guy who she cant beat up Now, it sounds reasonable. Thanks guys, another dilemma solved I don't think the dilemma is solved as simple as that. You can find lots of men who are confident with beautiful women but have no confidence in fighting. And you can find lots of men who are confident in fighting and have little confidence with women and little success. You could substitute that with anything else. A man could be confident in a million different areas and still be unconfident with beautiful women and unsuccessful.
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think you guys may be talking about anxiety which could be helped by learning some coping skills or getting some counceling. If the persons into you what the hell are you bugging out about? Think they are gonna see something they didn't before? This is curable people For me, It is not insecurities about looks. The guy that I like actually likes ME, so it's not about being rejected. Even so I still feel like I MIGHT get rejected even though he is asking me out and giving me small gifts etc and clearly showing an interest. He already said he finds me attractive and sexy and yet I'm still terrified of rejection, it's like an irrational fear. He actually asked me to go somewhere and I turned him down at the last minute because I was such a nervous wreck that I felt like I couldn't function. I don't feel like I can be myself in front of him, eat in front of him etc.
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I'm female and I feel this exact same way! I think I may be destined to end up with guys that I'm not attracted to and who are no good for me (not because I'm not attracted to them but just in general). When I am not that into a person I feel comfortable and relaxed and can be my true self. I have no problem going on dates and associating with such a person But with a guy that I really like I feel SOOOO self-conscious, I cannot even eat in front of him, exercise in front of him, talk to him etc I cannot even date him even if he wants to because it is so nerve wrecking and it wreaks havoc on my system. I feel like my body cannot handle so much constant stress and being in a constant state of nervous. I can actually feel the nervous energy flowing through my body. It's to the point where I have to avoid the person and turn down their advances because I can't tolerate to be around them because I feel too weak and thus I'm destined to either end up being alone for all eternity or settle for someone that I'm not into. I can only feel comfortable around a man I'm not that into. A good explanation for why you sometimes see ugly, loser guys with a hot girl. He was simply the random guy she wasn't into that she settled on picking.
Author DanielMadr Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Daniel you've given me allot of great advice so i'm gonna do the same for you. It seems that you are a complex guy with alot to offer. When in the correct setting you shine like a star. The problem is I'm noticing allot of coments about handsome men or what not. If your face to face with the girl of your dream all your insecuritiescome to the surface. My suggestion to you is to work on those insecurities. Also don't forget to bear in mind that You don't have to be a ten or rich to nail hot chicks. Rent a movie called "The Tao of Steve". Now this girl that gives you butterflies will keep giving you butterflies but you have to take her off that damn pedistal. And yes women are gonna find nervousness and vulnerabilty cute if rationed out to them sporadicaly. Especialy if they notice you don't act that way around other people. It will make them feel special. Just don't let it show to much keep it inside and ejoy that butterfly feeling for yourself. Thanks, Appreciate it. Why you asked me things, when apperantly know it all, anyway I will certainly watch that movie, thanks. Oh and that wooden leg was just an example of a flaw you cant get rid off. Im certainly not John Silver, eventhough I wanted wooden leg when I was a kid- pirate wannabe.
Ocean-Blue Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Im OK, really. I had my insecurities of course, I would lie if tell any different but I figured out, most of them where there because I was too hard on myself and maybe didnt get the approval out of my parents in time I needed it most or something. But nothing drastic. Well we all carry some kind of chip or other on our shoulders... But at some point, you have to shed that old skin and go after what you want. It might help, if you are nervous about meeting women, to try to find out more about how a woman's mind works. You can ease into conversation much more easily and you're more likely to be comfortable doing it. But the bottom line is, if you are all a sad, "I have a wooden leg...woe is me" sort of thinker, you are NOT going to get anywhere. You won't meet a woman who challenges you and pushes you.
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 A good explanation for why you sometimes see ugly, loser guys with a hot girl. He was simply the random guy she wasn't into that she settled on picking. Also because I think good looking guys are more likely to cheat, they just have more options available. That is another main reason.
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 For me, It is not insecurities about looks. The guy that I like actually likes ME, so it's not about being rejected. Even so I still feel like I MIGHT get rejected even though he is asking me out and giving me small gifts etc and clearly showing an interest. He already said he finds me attractive and sexy and yet I'm still terrified of rejection, it's like an irrational fear. He actually asked me to go somewhere and I turned him down at the last minute because I was such a nervous wreck that I felt like I couldn't function. I don't feel like I can be myself in front of him, eat in front of him etc. refer to my previous post
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 For me, It is not insecurities about looks. The guy that I like actually likes ME, so it's not about being rejected. Even so I still feel like I MIGHT get rejected even though he is asking me out and giving me small gifts etc and clearly showing an interest. He already said he finds me attractive and sexy and yet I'm still terrified of rejection, it's like an irrational fear. He actually asked me to go somewhere and I turned him down at the last minute because I was such a nervous wreck that I felt like I couldn't function. I don't feel like I can be myself in front of him, eat in front of him etc. OK serious questions, how old are you and are you a virgin? I got a feeling you might be some young teenager.
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Daniel I never claimed to know everything but i know enough. And your response seems arrogant which in a social setting with hot chicks you wish you were nailing would find in poor taste. So geeze forget about it. Good catch wannabe
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 refer to my previous post I did read your post about anxiety and I admit that yes, I am a very anxious person. And YES, I AM afraid they will find something wrong with me that they haven't before... The more time you spend with someone the more time you have notice more flaws. What if if there was something wrong with me that they didn't notice before? Or what if they scrutinize me too much and notice more flaws? Or what if I eat in front of them and food falls out of my mouth or gets stuck in my teeth? Or what if I say something stupid? Or what if I accidentally trip and fall? etc etc It's so stressful. You would think that if you are attracted to someone and that they are attracted back to you that it would be a good thing, that's what everyone wants right?? No, now you have to INTERACT with the person and be in their presence and that's even more nerve wracking.
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 OK serious questions, how old are you and are you a virgin? I got a feeling you might be some young teenager. I'm 29 and no not a virgin. I may be crazy but I'm no teenager.
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I actually made a thread asking this same question but from a womans point of view a few weeks ago: "Afraid to go for guys I am attracted to so I go for the ones I'm not attracted to..." http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t147302/
Author DanielMadr Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 DanielMadr, you are asking some fundamental questions that really get to the heart to what's the answer to some conflicting messages. We're told confidence is attractive. Yet as you mentioned it is also true that when you are highly attracted to a woman you just spotted, it's also natural that you would be very nervous if you approach her and you might not even approach at all. And all you get is a standard LS answer, "it doesn't matter be yourself." Then there's the debate of if women wants a guy who is highly attracted to her, then why would she be turned off by your nervousness when it should be a sign that he is attracted to her. If he isn't nervous at all and is confident isn't that a sign that he isn't all that attracted to her and sees himself in a higher league. and doesn't that suggest that if women like this confidence then maybe they really don't want a guy who is highly attracted to her? Whoa. You explained the riddle better than men I thought it could be that Women dont really care if the opposite like them as long as they love him - they have the best specimen after all. And they can tell the specimen has better genes than them because he isnt fussed around them. On the other hand comes into play that street-fight theory. Men with doubts are weak link.
cutegirl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Hey DanielMadr, I just noticed you actually posted in my thread "You are simply shooting yourself in the leg. It is fear of failure and rejection sabotaging your life and happiness. Your ego is in over-protective mode. Your subconsciousness make you feel good that you are in the guys "league" but because of insecurity (you being ego-centric kid) it is not so sure, so it better sabotages you even before you have chance to burn. So you live ego-safe life....like marathon runner who runs only 1 mile runs, because there is a chance he wont make the whole lot....and people might laugh at him or something. You need to learn to relax. You have to realize you are a grown up kid, afraid of failure. To make some improvement to your staying cool and relaxed you need to practice. No Fear. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering. And it will be you and only you who you fear, hate and you who will suffer. __________________" You gave me advice on your own situation... So isn't your own advice applicable to the question at hand???
Author DanielMadr Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 I'm female and I feel this exact same way! I think I may be destined to end up with guys that I'm not attracted to and who are no good for me (not because I'm not attracted to them but just in general). When I am not that into a person I feel comfortable and relaxed and can be my true self. I have no problem going on dates and associating with such a person But with a guy that I really like I feel SOOOO self-conscious, I cannot even eat in front of him, exercise in front of him, talk to him etc I cannot even date him even if he wants to because it is so nerve wrecking and it wreaks havoc on my system. I feel like my body cannot handle so much constant stress and being in a constant state of nervous. I can actually feel the nervous energy flowing through my body. It's to the point where I have to avoid the person and turn down their advances because I can't tolerate to be around them because I feel too weak and thus I'm destined to either end up being alone for all eternity or settle for someone that I'm not into. I can only feel comfortable around a man I'm not that into. You are sabotaging yourself like a major pussy but still it is not a put off for a guy. Knowing this, get over your ridiculous doubts and fears, sister!!!
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 (edited) I think I missed the street fight theory somehow. daniel I hope you know that your insecurities are written allover your attitude as well. Not just the knock knes you get around tens. Can someone say projecting? Edited March 31, 2008 by themessenger
TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I did read your post about anxiety and I admit that yes, I am a very anxious person. And YES, I AM afraid they will find something wrong with me that they haven't before... The more time you spend with someone the more time you have notice more flaws. What if if there was something wrong with me that they didn't notice before? Or what if they scrutinize me too much and notice more flaws? Or what if I eat in front of them and food falls out of my mouth or gets stuck in my teeth? Or what if I say something stupid? Or what if I accidentally trip and fall? etc etc It's so stressful. You would think that if you are attracted to someone and that they are attracted back to you that it would be a good thing, that's what everyone wants right?? No, now you have to INTERACT with the person and be in their presence and that's even more nerve wracking. OK you said you were 29. I'm going to go out on a limb and say you have something abnormal causing you too much anxiety and worry. Men just aren't that judgemental of women. They really don't nitpick that much. At your age, I'm not sure how you couldn't have realized this by now. Most of the time the other person is more preoccupied wondering what you think of them tobe analyzing you that much.
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