dying inside Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 ok this is a long story and a lot of you will think i'm a bad person but please i need advice. this started around 15 years ago when i was out with this girl and she was friends with my brothers girlfriend. we stopped to pick my brothers girlfriend up after work one night and i fell in love at first sight with her. that was the first time i had met her. I never acted on any of my feelings but over the years i've always known we had chemistry together. I could talk to her about anything and she could talk to me about anything but i still never acted on my feelings because i wasnt sure if she was just being nice because she was dating my brother or could feel the bond we had too. i know this will kinda sound like a jerry springer episode but its my life and you cant help who you fall for. at the time my brother and i still lived at home with our parents so she eventually more or less moved in there with us. i got to know her very well and spend lots of time with her. I was able to hide my feelings from her and everyone else until around 7 later when my brother and her had a breakup. He cheated on her and was leaving her and she came to me saying that he told her to hook up with me since we got along so well. I told her what would be so bad about that and she just brushed it off as a joke i guess. well anyway they continued to have troubles but worked them out and i thought they had gotten together again when she started having a fling for revenge. i was devastated because i thought i'd lose her forever if she left him. they had 2 kids by then too i forgot to mention that. she was working as a bartender at the time she was getting revenge and i went to the bar and got drunk and told her how i felt about her and that i loved her and wanted to be with her. well nothing came of it because i find out later from her that she thought i was just drunk and didnt mean it. i felt rejected and was very angry with her because she was out with somebody else and didnt want me. she ended up getting back with my brother a few months later but not before she told him that i was stalking her and hard to say really what she told him. my brother and i almost came to blows about it but the police came and that was the end of it. it was almost 2 years before i saw and talked to either of them again. we went back to the way it was before the cheating started for maybe 3 years or so and acted like nothing happened. ok sorry for taking so long to get to the point but wanted you to have a bit of background info first. i'm not sure i'm getting the time periods right but its the present now. almost. last winter i'm online playing a game with my brothers girlfriend. they arent married and have never been but they do have kids together. anyway, we start joking around in the chat about being in love and what not to see if we can get anyone in the room riled up or so i thought. she takes me to private chat after nobody would say anything and tells me she isnt kidding and would like to do all the things she said in the chat. i froze and didnt know if she was still messing around or not. this goes on for a couple days and finally i just tell her that i cant do that to my brother and if she was just joking that i was sorry for taking it the wrong way. she said she was joking and we laugh about it. a couple days after that we are gambling together at a place where we live and she grabs my hand and there was nothing i could do. all my feelings i thought i had under control came back full force and well things happened. its been almost a year now we've been secretly having an affair but a few people have guessed whats going on and she has told her sister and her best friend. i cant tell anyone so thats why i'm here. things were great at the beginning and i could feel the love coming from her for me. after a couple months i started feeling really guilty and told her so. she talked with her sister and then came back and told me well its a little late to start feeling bad about it. whats done is done. i thought about it a few days and thought well shes right i cant go back and change anything so i might as well make the best of it. ok things still go great for a while and then she isnt wanting me touching her as much or kissing her or anything. i ask whats wrong and eventually get it from her that she is feeling guilty about it. i tell her the same thing she told me and she seemed to be her old self for a couple weeks then it starts again. i talk to her again and she would only tell me she is stressed. this goes on for a while and then she calls one night and asks if she should tell him. i was scared for her because my brother has a temper and it was hunting season and he had guns in the house so i told her no. she would tell me later that i really hurt her when i said not to tell him. she felt i was rejecting her but i was really protecting her i thought. if i could do it over i would say yes tell him. things between us has only gotten cooler but i'm still madly in love with her. she will let me touch her and kiss her sometimes but she acts like i'm a burden that has to be endured and that kills me inside when i see that. we rarely make love anymore and she says she still loves me but i dont feel it. she wont leave my brother for me but tells me if i werent his brother she would. thats the part i dont understand at all. she says its because the kids wont be able to handle it but i feel i've been more a father figure in their lives than he has. i have taken care of them when money was tight ever since they hooked up and even helped get their house when they needed it. i would do anything for her and have done a lot for all of them. this past weekend they went out, i'm no longer invited along because my brother is catching on and asking questions, she told me she would call me and check in but 6 hours after they leave no phone call. i call her phone and she answers drunk and i ask why she never called. she said my brother had the phone and wouldnt let her have it. i was at home going insane for those 6 hours waiting for a call and feeling that she didnt care enough for me to pick up a phone. I told her she had to make a choice it was either me or him because i cant take it anymore. she said great start that **** again when i'm drunk and she hung up on me. she messages me today and says are we fighting? i say i'm not very happy about the way she was treating me and she listens to me rant for a while and as usual doesnt say much. i end up calling her and we talk a little more. she asks what i want from her and i say i want you to leave him and she says she cant because she has to stay with him because of the kids. i tell her she is making me hate him (brother) and she says great(sarcasm). she wont leave him and she wont end it with me and i've tried but she will talk to me the next day like nothing happened the night before and deep in my heart i dont want to lose her. I just dont know what to do. i cant make her leave my brother and she is distancing herself from me but still wont end it so she still has feelings for me (i hope). she tells me she loves me and that the relationship with my brother is just for the kids. i could live with not being in the same home with her because i have loved her from afar for so long anyway its just the distancing and not caring attitude i get from her that makes me feel like i'm dying inside. i dont know what i'm even wanting from this forum really but just need to get this out because i have literally not one person i can talk to about this except her and she only gets angry when i bring anything up.
youngbuckkk Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Wow, that is really unbelieveable. I think you really need to either end it with this woman or tell your brother, you owe him that much. This is your family, your blood, and you are sleeping with his woman behind his back without any care for what it might do to him. You probably totally messed him up mentally with this, I know I would be if my bro pulled some sh** like that.
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Are you in a position to pick up and leave - perhaps relocate somewhere several hundred miles away, get a new/better job and start a life without her? I know it sounds hard to do, but you will never find happiness with a woman who shares another man's bed, particularly when that man happens to be your brother. You need a clean break: move without forwarding your address, change your email and phone number, join a gym to exercise out your anger and frustration, and get your head back together. There are much better options out there for you - you just have to get far, far away from this lesser one before you can see that.
witabix Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 LB is right. Get out of the frying pan, off the cooker and out of the kitchen. This is one messed up situation. Own your part in it and leave them alone. If my brothers acted like that it would kill me stone dead inside.
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