Author TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 The dark side of attraction is comfort. People are attracted to similar dysfunction, that they grew up with, because it "feels like home". If a woman grew up with a father who was abusive or absent, she will attach to someone of similar ilk. Same goes for a guy who grows up with an abusive or absent mother. When people hit adulthood, some break free of the cyle and others perpetuate it. You see both sides of this coin happening all the time, in cyber-space or real life. OK this is a good point. I'm not saying I actually see this a lot, but it's a similar principles of like attracting like. What I was talking about is attraction/rejection that happens almost instaneously from the get go. Attraction is attraction to the dark side, and is transmited and received almost instantaneoussly. I.e., dark side guy approaches girl attraction happens immediately and things progress. Light side does not attract. Light side guy approaches girl the lack of attraction (dark side) is perceived almost immediately and attraction cannot happen and rejection is inevitable. This is the theory.
Kamille Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Some Womne follow FEELINGS like lemmings. If these are the kind of women that rock your boat, yOur job is to be a Pied Piper. Being BAD per se is not attactive to anyone, however the 'bad boy' elicits certain FEELINGS in some women and this is his power. Some women follow bad boys to get a supply of the BUZZ and the excitement. It is that simple. Nuguy, I corrected your post so it is truer to reality! Thank me later, once you get it!
Author TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Womne follow FEELINGS like lemmings. YOur job is to be a Pied Piper. Being BAD per se is not attactive to anyone, however the 'bad boy' elicits certain FEELINGS in women and this is his power. Women follow bad boys to get a supply of the BUZZ and the excitement. It is that simple. But see it makes no sense to say bad is not attractive to anyone, then go on to say bad boy elicits feelings. Hence the theory that women like bad and sense it quickly almost intutively.
Kamille Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 But see it makes no sense to say bad is not attractive to anyone, then go on to say bad boy elicits feelings. Hence the theory that women like bad and sense it quickly almost intutively. The mystery is solved by the simple corrections I added in the posts above.
Author TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 The mystery is solved by the simple corrections I added in the posts above. I'm not intrested in corrections of reality by a mere "pen stroke". If we're going to say it's commonly agreed that women like bad guys, we can't just state it's only some girls and that makes it true. Likewise, we can't just say a lot of girls like good guys. We also can't mislabel a bad guy a good guy and vice versa. No one really believes good guys have the same success. I've known truely good guys who were better looking, more intelligent, and successful than other guys who are bad characters, but the latter always got more attraction with women. What other explanation can there be besides this theory?
fishtaco Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 The dark side of attraction is comfort. People are attracted to similar dysfunction, that they grew up with, because it "feels like home". If a woman grew up with a father who was abusive or absent, she will attach to someone of similar ilk. Same goes for a guy who grows up with an abusive or absent mother. When people hit adulthood, some break free of the cyle and others perpetuate it. You see both sides of this coin happening all the time, in cyber-space or real life. That's true, however this is what I think -- I would use that to describe women that STAY in a bad relationship. There are plenty that would hook up with jerks, then break it off because they can't handle the jerk parts, then cry to their nice guy friends. The dysfunctional ones would stay and take the abuse, because that's what they seek, until the guy gets tired of beating on them (mentally, emotionally or physically, or all of the above, depending on their dysfunction) and dumps them, or their friends twist their arms to break it off with the guy, then they just go find the next abuser. I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, TheFonz was talking about the initial attraction and hooking up, i.e. the courting phase, not the relationship phase. Sure dysfunctional women are attracted to abusers, but what about the non-dysfunctional women that are just bad-boy seeking? Because they really don't like the relationship with the bad boys, that part usually goes down in a fiery demise.
Kamille Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I'm not intrested in corrections of reality by a mere "pen stroke". If we're going to say it's commonly agreed that women like bad guys, we can't just state it's only some girls and that makes it true. Likewise, we can't just say a lot of girls like good guys. We also can't mislabel a bad guy a good guy and vice versa. No one really believes good guys have the same success. I've known truely good guys who were better looking, more intelligent, and successful than other guys who are bad characters, but the latter always got more attraction with women. What other explanation can there be besides this theory? oh you so put me in my place about correcting reality the Fonz. not. So tell me, what would be your ideal relationship with a woman?
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 That's true, however this is what I think -- I would use that to describe women that STAY in a bad relationship. There are plenty that would hook up with jerks, then break it off because they can't handle the jerk parts, then cry to their nice guy friends. The dysfunctional ones would stay and take the abuse, because that's what they seek, until the guy gets tired of beating on them (mentally, emotionally or physically, or all of the above, depending on their dysfunction) and dumps them, or their friends twist their arms to break it off with the guy, then they just go find the next abuser. I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, TheFonz was talking about the initial attraction and hooking up, i.e. the courting phase, not the relationship phase. Sure dysfunctional women are attracted to abusers, but what about the non-dysfunctional women that are just bad-boy seeking? Because they really don't like the relationship with the bad boys, that part usually goes down in a fiery demise. Girls go through an empty-headed, naive phase, similar to boys. They're initially attracted to the cocky, confidence and also, the opportunity to take a walk on the wild side, a form of rebellion against what mamma and pappa want them to do/be. Youth learns temperance, after a few hits and starts thinking with the big brain, instead of being led by emotion and truthfully, the little brain. Apply this to both men and women. Of course you'll find people who never learn and perpetuate the cycle.
Author TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Girls go through an empty-headed, naive phase, similar to boys. They're initially attracted to the cocky, confidence and also, the opportunity to take a walk on the wild side, a form of rebellion against what mamma and pappa want them to do/be. Youth learns temperance, after a few hits and starts thinking with the big brain, instead of being led by emotion and truthfully, the little brain. Apply this to both men and women. Of course you'll find people who never learn and perpetuate the cycle. So you're saying youth, high hormones, and ignorance is what the dark side really is? the poblem is sex is hormonal not really something you reson and negotiate over right?
Author TheFonz Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 So tell me, what would be your ideal relationship with a woman? she wouldn't argue and be opinionated.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 So you're saying youth, high hormones, and ignorance is what the dark side really is? the poblem is sex is hormonal not really something you reson and negotiate over right? If you apply balance of mind and body, you can still make reasonable judgements without being hormonally swamped.
NuTuDating Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 My ideal woman would be honest, intelligent, and sexual (in that order). Those seem to be seldom found in one package, though.
Kamille Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 she wouldn't argue and be opinionated. Fair enough. But I didn't ask you what your ideal woman would be like, I asked you what your ideal relationship would be like. So I take it you want a relationship where your partner wholeheartedly agrees with your beliefs. What else would you need to be happy in a relationship?
Author TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Fair enough. But I didn't ask you what your ideal woman would be like, I asked you what your ideal relationship would be like. So I take it you want a relationship where your partner wholeheartedly agrees with your beliefs. What else would you need to be happy in a relationship? Well obviously she couldn't have a wondeering eye. She would like me even when I'm not on my A-game. And another biggie she wouldn't use sex as a tool to try to manipulate me. If she does that I'll just hook up with another girl, not so much for the sex, but out of principle.
Kamille Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Well obviously she couldn't have a wondeering eye. She would like me even when I'm not on my A-game. And another biggie she wouldn't use sex as a tool to try to manipulate me. If she does that I'll just hook up with another girl, not so much for the sex, but out of principle. You're focusing on the girl not the relationship, and your list is mostly a series of negatives, as in she wouldn't be this, she wouldn't do that. Everything except the "She would like me even when I'm not on my A-game". What else would she would do? Basically, you want your relationship to be based on trust and a shared level of intimacy. Do you have a hard time finding a woman you can trust the Fonz? If so, why would this be? Are you letting fears get in the way of sound decision making when it comes to finding a good relationship?
Author TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 You're focusing on the girl not the relationship, and your list is mostly a series of negatives, as in she wouldn't be this, she wouldn't do that. Everything except the "She would like me even when I'm not on my A-game". What else would she would do? Basically, you want your relationship to be based on trust and a shared level of intimacy. Do you have a hard time finding a woman you can trust the Fonz? If so, why would this be? Are you letting fears get in the way of sound decision making when it comes to finding a good relationship? Who said I was looking for a relationship. And I don't particularly trust anyone, women included. This is getting off topic.
fishtaco Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Youre a funny guy - wanna be my wingman ? Sure, I'll take the ugly ones. But you'll owe me beers. The number of beers equal to the number of beers it takes for the ugly one to not be ugly. Girls go through an empty-headed, naive phase, similar to boys. They're initially attracted to the cocky, confidence and also, the opportunity to take a walk on the wild side, a form of rebellion against what mamma and pappa want them to do/be. So you're saying any woman that likes the bad boy type is empty-headed and naive, or have dysfunctional issues? You realize a lot of women fall under this category right? I would agree with you some are like what you described, but I don't agree that all of them are -- even the author of that article posted by DanielMadr falls under this empty-headed/naive/dysfunctional category? She did after all agree there's a bad-boy attraction.
fishtaco Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Who said I was looking for a relationship. And I don't particularly trust anyone, women included. This is getting off topic. Yes, absolutely, this is off topic. This thread is about attraction, not about relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 So you're saying any woman that likes the bad boy type is empty-headed and naive, or have dysfunctional issues? You realize a lot of women fall under this category right? I would agree with you some are like what you described, but I don't agree that all of them are -- even the author of that article posted by DanielMadr falls under this empty-headed/naive/dysfunctional category? She did after all agree there's a bad-boy attraction. If the shoe fits... Same goes for the hormonally-charged fluffy young guy, who's being led around by his little Joey or dysfunction.
fishtaco Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 If the shoe fits... Wow, stated with conviction. But since I am confused about this topic (and interested, hence I keep posting here), I'm far from being the expert. Although I feel like there's more than meets the eye, I don't have the knowledge to disagree with you, especially when you are so sure of your posts and even making absolute declarations like this. So for now I'll take what you said into consideration, see if I can absorb it and believe it. But I'd like to see some of the women on this board that have the bad-boy attraction to chime in, and defend themselves. Since so many women do have this bad-boy attraction, I'd like to believe it's something normal, just part of the equation, or even the currently accepted cultural behavior, and not so many women are actually empty-headed, naive or dysfunctional.
Author TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 I'd like to see some of the women on this board that have the bad-boy attraction to chime in, and defend themselves. Since so many women do have this bad-boy attraction, I'd like to believe it's something normal, just part of the equation, or even the currently accepted cultural behavior, and not so many women are actually empty-headed, naive or dysfunctional. Yes, women can you tell the difference between a good guy or bad guy right away? Or at least tell a difference between one guy and another without knowing the difference is good/bad. When a guy approaches you what exactly are you thinking when you go on to go home with him, and what are you thinking when you intantly decides you're not ever going to do that?
Elemental Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 Since so many women do have this bad-boy attraction, I'd like to believe it's something normal, just part of the equation, or even the currently accepted cultural behavior, and not so many women are actually empty-headed, naive or dysfunctional. "So many women" have this? How many? What percent? Be specific here, because otherwise your assertion is meaningless, at least as applied to the general population. And yes, it's dysfunctional. Cripes, of all the dysfunctions I might have had, bad boys has never been one of them, not even when I was in my late teens and early twenties. I've never been hit or cheated on, or had to bail anyone out of jail. Even alcohol hasn't been a big issue, and that includes when I was in college. If he drank and partied, I didn't spend time with him. Bad boy behavior disgusted me then, and it still does now. To the men who are attracted to the kind of women who like bad boys: my condolences. You're in for a rough life. The saddest part about it is that I don't think you can really change, not in a real way. Sure you can start acting like an @ss and it might work out better for you in terms of bedpost notches, but the core issue will remain the same and maybe always will. Can you change what gets you up? No? Then you're stuck, and no amount of railing at women about why they are the way they are will fix it. Those of us who don't go for the bad boys will remain unattractive to you, and those who do will either continue on that path or get off, thus rendering themselves unattractive to you. You're stuck either way, and I'm sorry for you.
Author TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 Can you change what gets you up? No? Then you're stuck, and no amount of railing at women about why they are the way they are will fix it. Those of us who don't go for the bad boys will remain unattractive to you, and those who do will either continue on that path or get off, thus rendering themselves unattractive to you. You're stuck either way, and I'm sorry for you. This doesn't make any sense. Even if I'm a bad boy it doesn't mean I like other bad guys. Why would a woman going for bad guys attractive me? I'd prefer she didn't go for bad guys but good guys instead, or even better no other guys besides me. OK everyone says they see girls going for bad guys. I don't know the number, but it's a lot. It shouldn't be as much as it is, you'd think. I don't think good guys have as much success. So is th theory still true or what?
Elemental Posted April 1, 2008 Posted April 1, 2008 This doesn't make any sense. Even if I'm a bad boy it doesn't mean I like other bad guys. Why would a woman going for bad guys attractive me? I'd prefer she didn't go for bad guys but good guys instead, or even better no other guys besides me. OK everyone says they see girls going for bad guys. I don't know the number, but it's a lot. It shouldn't be as much as it is, you'd think. I don't think good guys have as much success. So is th theory still true or what? The theory is true of a specific subset of women. It also seems that a lot of self-proclaimed nice guys are attracted to these women. So yeah, they have a problem, but it it's only with who they're attracted to, not with women in general.
Author TheFonz Posted April 1, 2008 Author Posted April 1, 2008 The theory is true of a specific subset of women. It also seems that a lot of self-proclaimed nice guys are attracted to these women. So yeah, they have a problem, but it it's only with who they're attracted to, not with women in general. But I think you haven't read the theory or forgot it's parts. These nice guys can approach a representative sample of all women, and get rejected by all, but the opposite happens for the bad guy. He approaches a representative(sometimes they approach him even) sample of women and he does not get rejected all the time.
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