Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Is it possible she has a disorder of some kind? Sounds too abit like she is a compulsive liar. Of course I wouldn't know if she's a compulsive liar but I know she has had many depressions and an eating disorder.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Last month she went to her grandmother's house on a Saturday. On Saturday night she e-mails me to let me know she'll spend the night there, which is fine by me. Later on she accidentally tells me about something she did at home on Sunday morning (she was supposed to be at her grandma's). When I casually asked her "so when did you leave your grandma's house?", she stumbled and hesitated quite a bit before giving what should've been a simple answer. She couldn't have come home Sunday morning? When we did some of our assignments together, she was often late with her parts and would blame it on her e-mail problems. How often do e-mail problems occur, really? More than once a year and I think you're a liar... She's a bad student. I'm not sure how this translates into relationship lies...
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 So she either is a white liar or she has some disability that she may not get the comprehension part of the work? Could you give another example of her white lies? You have it right on. She did not understand the assignment and rather than asking for help she pretended that she did it and then pretended she accidentally deleted the file.
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Bottomline, whatever it is she is doing is making you doubt her and not trust her at her word. Hense the beginning of the end of your relationship with her. Have you confronted her and actually said, I really do like you but honestly, I think you are telling white lies alot and it's making me feel like I can't trust you and it's ruining everything..
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 This doesn't seem like a horrible lie, and it's an old lie. I thought maybe you were talking about something that would have to do with like if she's cheating on you or what not... or something that would have a large impact to your relationship No, nothing in the cheating department. And the lies aren't bad at all. It's just the repetitive nature of it and the way she reacts when I confront her with those situations.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 You have it right on. She did not understand the assignment and rather than asking for help she pretended that she did it and then pretended she accidentally deleted the file. Right. She didn't trust that you'd stick around with her knowing she didn't understand what you likely thought was a simple assignment. I can imagine that's a sensitive situation for her.
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Of course I wouldn't know if she's a compulsive liar but I know she has had many depressions and an eating disorder. Tadaa...She has some issues and these do not go away. You have it right on. She did not understand the assignment and rather than asking for help she pretended that she did it and then pretended she accidentally deleted the file. She more than likely is embarressed by this and for her it's easier to tell a little white lie than to admit her not understanding or failure...(depression does weird stuff to the head! That and if she is insecure, not confident in her abilities, it makes it worse..)
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Okay, I see now. Do you have any recent examples? That sounds like an isolated, stress-induced, non-relationship related issue for her (the paper) that was quite a while ago... There's also the time when she said she had finished her first month of birth control pills. When I checked my calendar, her doctor's appointment had been less than two weeks before...
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Bottomline, whatever it is she is doing is making you doubt her and not trust her at her word. Hense the beginning of the end of your relationship with her. Have you confronted her and actually said, I really do like you but honestly, I think you are telling white lies alot and it's making me feel like I can't trust you and it's ruining everything.. Yup. She cries, yells, the whole nine yards.
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I noticed earlier in this thread somebody saying try talking with someone about lies but only if you have proof. well, what if you catch them talking to an ex on myspace and being sneeky a bout it? Or catch them together when she says they weren't. how do you confront them with this? they will just turn it around and say you are being a stalker blah blah. screw you! My gut was telling me something and i needed to know that i wasn't going crazy.
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Did she ever seek therapy for her depression and eating disorder?
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Right. She didn't trust that you'd stick around with her knowing she didn't understand what you likely thought was a simple assignment. I can imagine that's a sensitive situation for her. You have no idea how much I helped her and how supportive I was through all of this. I was constantly by her side as I knew she needed my help. Well, one day she got a bad mark because I had misunderstood one of the questions. And she blamed me for hours and gave me crap like you could not imagine.
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Did she ever seek therapy for her depression and eating disorder? Apparently yes but I have no evidence of this. In retrospect, I wonder how she could've afforded it.
Star Gazer Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 You're marking YOUR calendar from when she has HER doctor's appointment, and now you sound like you're complaining about helping her with her assignments. You don't sound happy in this relationship, for whatever reason (I'm sure there are many). I guess what I'm saying is there are issues here beyond her white lies...
whichwayisup Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 She sounds quite abusive too. Could be the depression (I wonder too if she is bipolar) talking...
dreamergrl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Well if you're getting upset at her for having issues with her schoolwork and such, and she has certain problems that affect that - I could see why she would cry and be sensitive about it. I think her white lies are because she's ashamed of certain aspects about herself - not a trust issue.
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 You're marking YOUR calendar from when she has HER doctor's appointment, and now you sound like you're complaining about helping her with her assignments. You don't sound happy in this relationship, for whatever reason (I'm sure there are many). I guess what I'm saying is there are issues here beyond her white lies... Sorry I didn't want to overcomplicate my reply. I did not mark her appointment on my calendar but I remember it was on the same night as a concert I was looking forward to. When I checked the date of the concert, I realized something didn't quite add up.
Advocate's Devilette Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 My last serious relationship I had, he did not lie at all and was a very honorable person in every way. We just were not compatible. However, the relationship taught me that once you have a guy who doesn't lie and is completely open and honest, then you never want to go back to a non-liar and person with a lower character. People who lie have low characters. I'm not talking little white lies, like "no, your snoring and hogging the covers doesn't bother me at all" but the kind of lies you are talking about. I caught a recent date (not the PE teacher, another guy) lying about that he took his dogs out. We went out later with his buddies who said a comment which negated his statement, he didn't take his dogs out on a long hike that day at all. The guy said "Oh, sorry about that, I meant I did that yesterday." Well he was just trying to show that he did something other than slug around the house on a Saturday, which is all he did and didn't take his dogs out. Well, that really turned me off.
dreamergrl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I noticed earlier in this thread somebody saying try talking with someone about lies but only if you have proof. well, what if you catch them talking to an ex on myspace and being sneeky a bout it? Or catch them together when she says they weren't. how do you confront them with this? they will just turn it around and say you are being a stalker blah blah. screw you! My gut was telling me something and i needed to know that i wasn't going crazy. How do you not have proof of catching them together? How do you know they are talking to an ex? There's obviously trust issues here that should be addressed.
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Well if you're getting upset at her for having issues with her schoolwork and such, and she has certain problems that affect that - I could see why she would cry and be sensitive about it. I think her white lies are because she's ashamed of certain aspects about herself - not a trust issue. Sorry I'm not upset at her for having issues with her schoolwork. In fact I have been more supportive than I should have. Some of these lies are really circumstantial and it's difficult to explain without full knowledge of the situation. She is obviously having self esteem issues, which I try to be sensitive about. However when she starts giving me crap for it and even lying about it in order to give me crap, then I think she's off limits.
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 She sounds quite abusive too. Could be the depression (I wonder too if she is bipolar) talking... Yes, every fight we've had she's the one yelling and I'm the one trying to patch things up. It's not that I'm not strong enough to support my position - I just don't like to fight for nothing.
dreamergrl Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Sorry I'm not upset at her for having issues with her schoolwork. In fact I have been more supportive than I should have. Some of these lies are really circumstantial and it's difficult to explain without full knowledge of the situation. She is obviously having self esteem issues, which I try to be sensitive about. However when she starts giving me crap for it and even lying about it in order to give me crap, then I think she's off limits. Getting on her about it self esteem issues isn't going to make the problem better. If you can't handle this, perhaps you should move on. It seems like she's creating the small lies so she wont get crap for her faults.
Author guy.lepage Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Getting on her about it self esteem issues isn't going to make the problem better. If you can't handle this, perhaps you should move on. It seems like she's creating the small lies so she wont get crap for her faults. Up to a certain extent I didn't mind the lies and I was supportive through the relationship. However it's the part where she is blaming me to cover herself up that I can no longer deal with. She does it in an abusive way and I've spent enough energies trying to help her. Not only I do not get any recognition, I get crap... We are almost through anyway and the final straw does not have anything to do with this thread. So here's my opportunity for a proper exit.
themessenger Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 How do you not have proof of catching them together? How do you know they are talking to an ex? There's obviously trust issues here that should be addressed. I know because I caught her, and it was addressed and she felt i was being controlling and it was none of my business. at least thats what she wanted me to feel like. Shes brialinat at turning things around on me.
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