pr-girl Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Some days I'm strong, some days - not so much. Today I received an email from my ex prior to the most recent ex. He was the first man I ever loved who also broke up with me. Shocker. He wrote how busy he's been and how he's going to the mountains with his girlfriend for a getaway. Why do I need to know this? So, after NC for over a week with my most recent ex, I emailed him that I wish we were still friends. He replies and states that our last correspondence was icy on my end. Well, maybe because "YOU BROKE MY HEART!" I know I must sound irrational by wanting to remain friends while still hurt, but I still adore this man AND the man before him. BUT, they both hurt me immensely. I am so afraid they both have convinced me that I cannot trust anyone ever again. Why can't I make the pain go away? My last ex and I have been broken up for over 3 years! I thought I had moved past this. Maybe I'm feeling lonely?
motive2002 Posted March 30, 2008 Posted March 30, 2008 Maybe I'm feeling lonely? Vulnerable sounds more like it. I am exactly where you are right now in the throes of a recent break-up. Right now any feeling of perceived rejection is gonna hit you harder than usual. Perhaps the contact your ex from 3 years ago is only exacerbating the situation.
LuCidiTy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 new wounds tend to reopen the old ones. and yes, loneliness is probably a big part of it too. i'm sorry about the tears. feels like i've cried enough in three weeks to keep a small industrial nation in power for a year.
Author pr-girl Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 Vulnerable sounds more like it. I am exactly where you are right now in the throes of a recent break-up. Right now any feeling of perceived rejection is gonna hit you harder than usual. Perhaps the contact your ex from 3 years ago is only exacerbating the situation. I've been crying on and off for about 5 hours now. Aye... it's exhausting. How does anyone move past this? After so many heartaches, how can you believe the next one won't hurt you? How do you ever open up your heart again?
Author pr-girl Posted March 31, 2008 Author Posted March 31, 2008 new wounds tend to reopen the old ones. and yes, loneliness is probably a big part of it too. i'm sorry about the tears. feels like i've cried enough in three weeks to keep a small industrial nation in power for a year. I think the lonliness is worse now than ever. I was single for 3 years, finally opened up again and got crushed! This makes me never want to open up again. I don't think it's worth it anymore.
Trialbyfire Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think the lonliness is worse now than ever. I was single for 3 years, finally opened up again and got crushed! This makes me never want to open up again. I don't think it's worth it anymore. Don't be like that. You can get through this. You're strong! You can bend but no one can break you! Give it some time. Also, try not to dwell on the past. Always look forward to something better happening to you, 'cause it will. It's always happened that way for me. Exes are exes for darn good reason, no matter who does the breaking up.
motive2002 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Well, being in the same situation (breakup was less than a week ago) the pain your feeling is familiar territory, but I do have some peace in knowing it's only a temporary thing. I am very fortunate to have a circle of support with my friends and family, and while I may sound like a broken record to them, they are still their to guide me through this rough time. If you have such a network, I suggest leaning on it as much as you can. Get on the phone. Go visit friends you may have neglected during your relationship or better yet, try to make new ones. It only gets better from here. We'll both be ok. I promise
LuCidiTy Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 I think the lonliness is worse now than ever. I was single for 3 years, finally opened up again and got crushed! This makes me never want to open up again. I don't think it's worth it anymore. boy do i know that feeling. my last worked damned HARD to get me to open up and trust again after 20 years. then he left. alledgedly to work on issues that apparently weren't there for some reason while he was working so hard. anyway, don't think what's worth it? opening up? trying again? yeah that's exactly how it feels. but in truth, you're too raw to even think about that right now. but with luck and time, one day you will be again, as unimaginable as that may seem now. and on that day you'll now yourself better too.
beta Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 Pr-girl: I must have missed some posts somewhere...did you see him when you were in town? Man Alive do I know where you are! Sobing uncontrollably and not seeing the light is hell! Utter hell! Why? (it's what I keep wondering) Of course others will argue it's not up to us to know why! I was telling my friend tonight (I've made some drastic decisions in my life...my ex has maintained NC for over 11 days now...I on the other hand went flippin mental and sent him a "now I know why I broke with you email" just 2 days ago!) I was in such a dark place. On two occasions, I called in a friend just to help me get through the night! (SO unlike me!) I was saying her tonight: If there is a God, he is cruel! Why would he let me go down this road and not see me out? You know what she said? (she is obviously more religious than me) HE DID see you out! you're here aren't you? And with a new plan! Do I believe this break up happened for a reason? NO WAY Do I hurt anyless? Nope Do I love him? With all my heart! WHy the hell did I have to go through in the name of "a lesson in life?!" I'm a fairly intelligent person, I could have taken a class! I don't know why...not sure I ever will. I don't think I will EVER open up again like that! My friend says that I am being unfair and that I probably will! I beg to differ! It took 34yrs for me to open up like this and I was burnt to the core! The wall is up! I'm sure there will be other relationships...but will I let my wall down? Not likely! Is this being cynical? AFter the last 3 weeks, it's called "survival tactics!" AM NOT going down this road again! But I need to find my light... So thinking of you! just hang on. One more day. and then tomorrow say that again....just one more day. xx
lost66 Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 pr girl, I feel for you. You know my story. I still haven't heard from my ex, which i'm somewhat glad because I know she has problems I can't deal with but I am still feeling horrrible!!! There is part of me that just wants her to call so I know it all wasn't a lie but it really doesn't matter. I think I am so miserable because I feel lonely, not over the girl. This is my 3rd breakup in a year including my fiance calling the wedding off 6 weeks before the wedding. I don't like to be alone, its horrible. I just want a woman that loves me and that I spend my life with. You seem like a great girl, things will pass. You and I will find a great person to live life with. I promise!
macon Posted March 31, 2008 Posted March 31, 2008 What else is your life about? Do you like your job? Do you have friends you like? Do you like where you live? Do you have anything you're passionate about? I may be reading this wrong (you haven't said too much so I apologise if I have) but if you live your life centering it around who you're going to spend it with, you're going to be a needy person who feels a relationship is the be all and end all of everything. So you aren't going to be good at coping when things go wrong
Author pr-girl Posted April 7, 2008 Author Posted April 7, 2008 What else is your life about? Do you like your job? Do you have friends you like? Do you like where you live? Do you have anything you're passionate about? I may be reading this wrong (you haven't said too much so I apologise if I have) but if you live your life centering it around who you're going to spend it with, you're going to be a needy person who feels a relationship is the be all and end all of everything. So you aren't going to be good at coping when things go wrong I'm a very busy career woman who enjoys working out, reading, learning my guitar and trying new things like golf. I've been single for 3 years and am very independent. I'm in love with this man. That's the challenge. I'm just trying to keep my mind on other things - it's just a bit tough focusing lately.
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